Introduce Yourself : Just your ordinary sort of renaissance man polymath diamond geezer by Agatha Hergest

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. And while my story is possibly as asymetric to Lewis Carroll's grisly tale of the ill-fated oysters, the frankly loopy carpenter and the class A drugs as it can possibly be, your honour, I present to you one, shall we say, unconventional individual. I am, some might say, gifted. Then again, what others might say might attract the unwelcome attention of authorities, but usually one can say the same of them, too. Not that I'm a mirror; true, I reflect the brilliance of others just as much as I shine myself, and I don't need to take others' glory for myself: indeed, my art is attributed to the Gods, for whom I see myself as a conduit. I am a writer - many have said I write sublimely, with a great way with words, an occasional subtle wit, and an excellent way of putting across that which others find beyond expression. I have written poems, short stories, the occasional novel, song lyrics and am currently working on an opera - book, libretto and score. Yes, I am a musician too. A composer whose flirtation with music stems goes back over 35 years (since childhood, lest anyone should accuse me of Struldbruggery). A selection of tunes are available via my panel for your delight, delectation and/or deafness - I apologise for the rough quality: my computer is not the recording studio I crave, nor do its instrumental talents equate to any orchestra but, perhaps, the Portsmouth Sinfonia. I compose work for choir too - songs to celebrate the joys of living. Talking of the Joys of Living, I am the Grinning Consultant. No, it's not a consultant of grinning, 'though I daresay many people grin at the result of my ministrations, nor yet a dentist. I am, just because you're insanely curious, a management consultant. I know, what a let-down. But wait, we haven't got to the grinning part yet, the most important thing because I'm a positive chap all 'round. Okay, so maybe in a world where most people grimace their way through their day I'm so unusual as to cause many to quicken their step, but I did promise you unconventional. And I've got long hair, as well. Not many consultants can say that, baldy. Of course, there's also the painting (again, many samples for you to feast your senses on in my box of tricks), and the sculpting - but there's only so much a person can take at any one sitting, so - if you want to know more, ring my bell. You know you want to/you know it makes sense.