Screenwriting : Log Lines - you show me yours, I'll show you mine by Paul Lang

Thanks! The moniker of romantic comedy had me perplexed to be honest. Lets see if I can improve this. Great article by the way. How about? "While on a search for a mythical sea monster, a successful female lawyer struggles with keeping her true intentions and feelings from her ambitious boyfriend and the small town museum curator she begins to fall for."

Aha! a Canadian I presume?

When two high school students discover a long-forgotten cold war bunker in the Nevada desert they attract the attention of the US military and an eccentric British scientist. Their discover leads to a dramatic exit for a Las Vegas magician and a new beginning for his assistant. Comments?

don't tell the people how they will react to the movie ie. hillarious, leave that to the critics. Now this is more about structure, but does she go there on a legal issue separate from the sea monster? That's how I would start it (ala 'Local Hero'), falls in love with the locale, the way of life and someone local (ala Diane Keaton & Sam Sheppard in 'Baby Boom')

I find that using a parenthetic description of the genre following the log line can be helpful. Occasionally, I will even include a short tag line. Here is an example of this for a screenplay that I optioned… THE DEMOLITION KID - A spoiled teenager who is forced to move in with his grandfather in a trailer in junkyard discovers a passion for the demolition derby. (a fish out of water comedy) Teenage angst made manageable through crashing cars.

VERB + NOUNS + IRONY = log line - good place to start, and you don't really need proper nouns. Here's a good example: A boy who communicates with the dead seeks the help of a disheartened child psychologist.

I thank you all for the great advice! @Jaqueline - OgoPogo is the title of the screenplay. Ogo Pogo - "While searching for the truth about mythical sea monster, a big city female lawyer struggles with hiding the truth from her boyfriend and a local museum curator whom she begins to fall for." (A Romantic Comedy) @Simon King - I love the magic and army tie ins but I think the log line might be a bit long. The first sentence has completely different characters than the second. Not sure if this is important but it doesn't seem to flow well.

She's half right; (she is consistent); in that case adding it would show too much leg mentioning the 'hook' in pre sale that would have be very hush hush. Post sale, ain't bov-vered as Lauren Cooper would say; horse is gone. Irony should really be there because it says "hey, don't you wanna read more?" At least to me.

@Laura - Great article!I learned more about loglines from that, then I did 2+ years at UCLA! Thanks!

I would also take out hilarious and flesh out what her true calling is, to engage the audience imagination some more..

Don't say it is funny... write it funny. Use a word that explains why it is funny. One example might be "... a Quixotic search for her true calling."

Here's my example:- "when an ice cold lawyer visits a small Canadian town to investigate sightings of a sea monster she is ingulfed in the town's Neurosis and forced into confronting her own shallow, neurotic, existence."

Not trying to be mean (since your logline sounds cool!) but make sure you spell engulfed correctly or the powers that be will ignore your logline completely! And is there a reason to capitalize neurosis?

It's iPhone on a train syndrome:)

^^ Ha! Makes sense! Sorry to be an arse!

Hi Paul, your search for the perfect log line is a noble pursuit. . . Log lines are just that, a line. May I invite you to check out three brilliant log lines created by M.J. McCoy in all three of his projects currently being showcased on JuntoBox Films website. . . Feel free to check them out and support them by following and rating each one... Here are the links: The first is an edgy little heist noir with a twist, entitled, The Joseph Berry Project... http://www.juntoboxfilms.com/projects/the-joseph-berry-project#.UcpbXDu16P4 The second is a unique throwback chiller, bending toward horror and it's entitled, Trickster, http://www.juntoboxfilms.com/projects/trickster#.UcpdKTu16P4 And the third, an exciting Sci-Fi danger fest, entitled, Enemy of Men... http://www.juntoboxfilms.com/projects/enemy-of-men#.UcmwZTu16P4 Should you so desire, tell us and the rest of the world your impressions of the works....In return for your generosity...you'll have my eternal thanks and perfect gratitude. Thank you for your time and for your consideration in this most important matter to me. Respectfully, Lisa

Maybe punch up the contrast some. The potential is there.

Hi Paul, Coming in a bit late here but I have a couple of comments/questions. I don't think you need "female" lawyer since you then say "her boyfriend". Also, I haven't quite understood what she's hiding. Is it the fact that she's actually looking for a mythical creature and she'd embarrassed about that? It is because he's big city and will be cynical about mythical creatures? Why is she looking for it? (big question) I think we should see what sets her on this path (inciting incident). Why does she HAVE to look for it? I see from the first one you posted that she's finding her true calling. I like that but does it mean hunting mythical creatures is her calling? One last thing, adding the part about falling for the curator (while she has a boyfriend) makes me think she's a not very nice girlfriend. OK, that's more than a couple! I feel like we really need to see why she's on the quest. What's she trying to solve? Hope that helps!

Hi Paul, Not sure if this helps but, “Sea monster spotted in rural Canadian lake! The intriguing news draws a young socialite attorney away from her hectic downtown world and her overly ambitious boyfriend. Entering the small town, she is quickly swept away on a maze of unpredictable adventures after meeting the eccentric local museum curator.”

Thank you all. I love the vivid descriptions. I will post a revision today.

I think your original is quite good.

I agree the original is good, but now I see the ice cold lawyer thing is better. Who's going to critique mine?

Though I like it, the opening line isn't appropriate for a romantic comedy because it sets a very different tone. There is a general rule regarding loglines that is expected. A logline must present who the story is about (protagonist); what he/she strives for (goal); what stands in his/her way (antagonistic force). And I would advise against using terms like "hilarious."

"Seeking the truth about a childhood memory of mysterious lake creature, a big city lawyer travels to small town Canada where she finds that hiding the truth is just as hard as finding it." @Randall I will give it a try

I like the new log line "Seeking the truth ... "

This is my 1st one: "A team of gifted people, a discovery of Codex of Hermes and a voyage beyond the stars, against a rimy darkness lead us to Mount Olympus where unlock The Secret of the Gods."

And the 2nd: "A team of gifted people from around the world, an Egyptian high priest and a voyage beyond the stars, against a rimy darkness lead us to Mount Olympus and an alternate Dimension where unlock The Secret of the Gogs." Thanks!

I love any concepts with gods and Olympus and Hermes, ect. But what is the conflict? Where is the struggle that needs to be overcome? The second one talks about the High Priest, is that the main character? I am also not sure what a rimy is? Here is my take on yours. " A mysterious Egyptian High Priest, carrying the Codex of Hermes, voyages beyond the stars to Mount Olympus where he and his team of extraordinary people race to unlock the Secret of the Gods"

Thanks for your version! How about? "When an extraordinary fellowship discovers a prehistoric text and strikes by a mysterious attack finds refuge on an Aegean’s island. But the text leads them to Olympus and through an alternate Dimension, to The Secret of the Gods."

One element you may wish to consider is adding a flaw in you protagonist. In single word or two, you will further define your story. The flaw will be one of the obstacles the protagonist must overcome in order to achieve his/her final goal. Example: In medieval Scotland, an irresponsible young clansman saves the life of a beautiful extraterrestrial and believes he is having a close encounter with the fairy folk.

@Irene. I like the descriptive text. The first sentence is a bit choppy. The movement is good but a tad long. @Steven I love the advice and I would like to see the movie that logline is about.

I like the....In Medieval Scotland... Och Aye...

While searching for a mythical sea monster, a successful female lawyer struggles to keep her intentions from her boyfriend and the towns local museum curator.

While searching for a mythical sea monster, a successful female attorney wrestles with her conscience when trying to keep her true intentions from the towns museum curator, who she has fallen for, and her present Overly Ambitious boyfriend.

Just playing around here.... hope you don't mind. Posting one of my own Log Lines.... If your going to hose me....let me don my raincoat first....

Still trying to work how to phrase it.... thanks Laura...

Help .... Thank you Laura for you kind advice...much appreciated .... Please help

Someone please help with this logline....

Okay... The pharmaceutical mix up is what happens

He is given a trans- gender customers hormone replacement drugs accidently

How about -- There's something lurking beneath the surface. A big city lawyer is about find out what, which will change her life forever.

Taking the sex change hormone....alters his state... curing him of his severe male mid life crises.. only to replace it with..... change of life syndrome. Male Andropause to Men-O- Pause. It is a Comedy btw.

I am told by a trans- gender friend. That taking the hormones, does bring about changes that feel like, a woman going through change of life. They are up and down with sudden mood changes, flushes... strange cravings... crying for no reason...emotional at the drop of a hat.

A High Flying middle aged company executive, rapidly goes from a severe case of midlife crises, to, change of life syndrome within days, after being dispensed the wrong medication.

@Janet So far you have no real plot, so I'll try to give it one for you since I have no idea what you have written. A pharmaceutical mix up causes a man to acquire a female personality and body, to the hilarious dismay of his family.

Am I getting closer.... Log Lines are my weakest attributes.

What your doing is concentrating on just the one main event when you need to portray where the story is going to go.

linda thank you so much.... I am grateful.... My weakest point is log lines

my comp is freezing on me

Glad to help. I wish you much luck and success.

I can't access chat.... Damon if you beeped me... sorry can't reply at moment. Not sure if you did or not. Comp is playing up....

You may want to save whatever you have and reboot your computer.

A high flying 40 yr. Old Executive going through mid life crises... and only months away from getting married, goes to the pharmacy to get St Johns Wart to steady his nerves. A pharmaceutical mix-up, with a trans gender customer, meds, does more than just steady his nerves....

Is that a bit better Linda??? Going to use your suggestion, I can't thank you enough for your help. I really need to get over this hang up with LOGLINES....

Better, but still doesn't show where your going.

Did you get my message? Trying to work it out... least a little better... where's the hose..

I've got a log line of my own I'd like to have critiqued. THE SURREPTITIOUS TALENT A couple on the run from a rogue government human breeding program, located deep in an underground forest bunker, abandons their baby who has extraordinary talents. He is rescued, and fulfills his destiny to rescue his own kind, by using those talents, from the clutches of his would be captors.

linda...Please read the message and let me know what you think? I really do need to find the perfect logline...for GENDER BENDER...

or.... A pregnant couple escapes from a rogue government program that breeds humans with extraordinary talents. They abandon their baby before being recaptured, but know that one day he will rescue them.

Sounds really good and funny. It should be a great comedy when it gets made. You have put your characters into oddly difficult situations which is a great start.

I think is has the making of a really funny comedy....

Did you get the bigger picture....?

Yes. I could imagine much of what was going on.

How about this for you....A commitment phobic agrees to a marriage in exchange for an inheritance, but things go terribly wrong when a pharmaceutical error causes him to change into a woman, much to the dismay of his fiance' and her family.

I'm still trying to work on mine as well. I haven't quite got it right yet.

A man, afraid of commitment, agrees to a marriage in exchange for an inheritance, but things go terribly wrong when a pharmaceutical error causes him to change into a woman, much to the dismay of his friends, his fiance' and her family.

GENDER BENDER.... A commitment phobic agrees to a marriage in exchange for an inheritance, but things go terribly wrong when a pharmaceutical error causes him to change into a woman, much to the dismay of his fiancé and her family.....

Thank you Linda.... I owe you one!!!!

love your storyline....You write loglines with such relative ease.... Your a master at it.... Nothing wrong with that log line....

They have a talent to read minds and to know the future. Since they know they were going to be recaptured they didn't want the baby living in the same circumstances that they were subjected to.

went back and read your logline ... you made it clear they knew they would be re captured...sorry... brain tired...

It's time for me to head for bed as it's nearly 2:00 AM here. I'll talk to you again soon. It's been nice getting to know you.

Good night.

You too lass....talk again soon..... looking forward to it...

I am going to try once again to master my log line... Please let me know what you think guys.. This is me trying my best to work out how to write a Log Line....

GENDER BENDER A pharmaceutical mix up, leaves one middle aged man questioning his own sexual identity.

Thank you Laura....for taking the time to help.... I appreciate it greatly. I am determined to work out how to do.... SMILE.

Laura, please throw me your thoughts on this one.... Is it not right either? TERMINAL FEAR When a heavily congested International Airline is unexpectedly put into lock down, and cordoned off by police and military officials, the people trapped inside don't know what to fear most, the threat from inside, or the threat from out.

LAIRD OF MACGILLICUDDY. Foul Play turns to Ghoul play after an American Hustler inherits a Scottish Castle with Title. His intentions of turning the Castle and grounds into a tourist attraction with scheduled hauntings, mini put golf course and casino for American Tourists, stirs the wrath of the centuries old Laird.

GENDER BENDER A 40 yr. old guy going through midlife crises, on the verge of getting married, finds himself questioning his sexuality after being prescribed the wrong meds. It forces him to make a choice, does he want to go down the isle, as Mr or Mrs

I am reading your link Intently Laura....Thank you....

Still not quite grasping it yet argggggggggggggh

TERMINAL FEAR An on the run DESPERATE teenage Juvenile delinquent, is given an opportunity to redeem himself, when, he finds himself inadvertently trapped by the law. He has to decide, does he have what it takes to Kill.

Slowly, slowly... catch the monkey by its tail.

GENDER BENDER A pharmaceutical mix up with prescription drugs, causes a 40 yr. old man on the verge of getting married, to question, his sexuality. He has to work out which side of the fence he sits on before walking down the isle.

Still THINKING on it.....

Hi Paul, I am not a screenwriter but after reading all the advise on this site I think the one thing I would do is make it funny. Catch the fly with sticky paper. What is the sea monster thinking about all that is happening? He must have something to do with it. Mary Filmer Children's Author

Mary made an excellent observation and comment.

THE HIPSTERS' JOURNEY (a short) Evan and Clancy Johns seek the perfect duck taco from an elusive Eagle Rock food truck, and in the process they must fight with, then become allies with Agnes in her Prius while avoiding the other food truck stalkers on Colorado Boulevard, because bro, what else are they doing today?

@Paul An ambitious lawyer searches for a truly rare sight: a man who isn't a complete jerk. On the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend, ___ ___ undertakes a search for the Canadian Nessy but in the end she finds another rare animal: a man who doesn't care about her money.

In my view: the protagonist's name might be used immediately to good effect. Such as: "Scarlett, the young and energetic litigator with the city's biggest law firm, is inexplicably drawn into the Canadian wildness to capture a sea monster that was photographed in the remotest of lakes. Her hilarious search reveals her true calling."

Have you seen this ? www.screenwritingspark.com/37-screenwriting-resources-to-help-you-write-...

And this... http://www.scriptmag.com/features/craft-features/loglines-the-first-esse...

Thank you DEE....

Oh and there is this too: http://thescriptmentor.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/how-to-write-an-effectiv...

TERMINAL FEAR When a congested International Airline is seized by the Military, and forced into Lock down, the people trapped inside the cordoned off terminal, don't know what fear to fear the most. The threat from inside, or the threat from out.

You'd think having read all of these (and more) I could craft a decent Logline !!! @Paul - I liked your last version.

What am I missing?

PS... Pages 2 and 3 of the article above in this version http://thescriptmentor.wordpress.com/category/uncategorized/page/2/

Thank you Dee....

@ Janet. I think your logline is too 'general', I would ask who is your Protagonist - who's Point of View are we seeing this story through? Then concentrate on how this story affects them directly, ie think 'Die Hard' - the general situation is similar to yours but is told from the POV of the main character and his goals, wants and needs. Take a look at this article: http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2013/06/30-days-of-screenplays-day-6-d... I read a great post somewhere on S32 last week (apologies for not naming the author - I can't find it) where someone suggested the writer pull the story apart and identify these points in one short sentence. Protagonist: P's goal: Antagonist: A's goal: Conflict: Hook: Emotion: Ticking clock: Then craft a Logline from those words. Hope that helps.

Thank you Dee... I am trying.... EEK... Really do appreciate your help, and reading every word to hopefully get it to Sink in.... I just can't seem to grasp it.

TERMINAL FEAR Die Hard in an Air-terminal....

Back to the read.....

Just in case it works.....smile

I must stop procrastinating now and get on with my writing... but just to add, there is the Screenwriters Networking Group over on FB if you are interested - they have a 'Logline Wednesday' each week. https://www.facebook.com/groups/145170928866293/

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really appreciate you taking time off your own work to help. I shall read every link. I shall also go to the face book link you provided. I hope I didn't take up too much of your much needed time, that you needed for yourself.

So, about those hipsters...I would love some logline feedback!

@Michael, I don't get what your story really is from that logline, and it's a bit too long and 'woolly' Maybe worth you taking a look at the same links I posted earlier. I sort of made a logline up for you but without knowing the story, I had to take a guess to come up with something you might be able to use to to think about how you would change it/improve it to suit the story you have in mind (not promising what I came up with is any good mind you)... "In their search for an elusive food truck, two deadbeat stalkers must join forces with a militant tree hugger to outwit the competition, despite the fact that she is campaigning to close them down."

I'm sorting this out as I go: HIPSTERS' JOURNEY When two hipster foodies Evan and Clancy Johns set out on a quest for the perfect duck taco, they must overcome their foodie competition as well as an overzealous health inspector set to close down their favorite elusive food truck.

@ Michael, don't think you need the names. Take a step back from your story... 'you are trying to sell the story not tell the story' is great advice I read. You need to craft something like this (works as a pitch) "My story is a (genre) called (title) about (hero) who wants (goal) despite (obstacle)." Have a look at these examples to give you an idea of films that have been made: http://thescriptlab.com/screenwriting/story/development/2094-logline-exa.... And this is quite a simple explanation :http://tribeofscribes.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/untitled.png

@ Janet - the stuff above might add to the stuff I posted earlier. Best of luck with getting it nailed.

HIPSTERS' JOURNEY A hipster quest for "transcendent" duck tacos is nearly derailed by an overzealous health inspector.

Much better than where you started. However, the use of "transcendent" seems a bit over the top.

This has been very helpful in sorting out the story. I put "transcendent" in quotes because I took it from the dialog and I felt it was the kind of hyperbole a hipster addicted to food truck fare would use. Thanks so much!

Thank you Dee your are my Angel... I am determined mate to work it out.... smiles

A young apprentice circus performer traveling with two companions, has to overcome his fear of closed in spaces when trapped inside a locked down Air Terminal under siege by terrorist threat. He must be prepared to put on the show of his life to save not only his own but the lives of many others.

A young apprentice circus performer has to overcome his fear of open spaces when trapped inside a locked down Air Terminal. He must put on the show of his life to save not only his own, but that of others.

Am I getting warmer????

An apprentice circus performer, has to overcome his own fears when trapped inside a locked down Air terminal under siege. He must put on the show of his life to save not only his own but that of others.

An apprentice circus performer, is forced to face his own demons, when trapped inside an Airline terminal under siege. In a bid to save his life and others, he must put on the performance of his life.

An apprentice circus performer taken hostage in an Airline Terminal Siege, must conquer his fears to put on the performance of his life to save not only his own, but that of others. .

An apprentice circus performer taken hostage inside an Air Terminal under siege. Must come to grips with his own fears to put on the performance of his life, in order to save not only his own but that of others.

Finding himself trapped inside a locked-down airport, a claustrophobic circus performer is forced to improvise his way out of mortal peril.

WOW! A guy goes away for a couple of days. I love this thread! Janet, Dee, Laura, Michael and all I am digging the work. Dee those articles are the stuff and I joined the facebook group thanks a bunch. OK here is the logline from my adaptation: A gifted teen and her wisecracking cousin battle an evil red dwarf intent on destroying them.

Thank you Michael....brilliant!

red dwarves, circus guys & hipsters, oh my!

I was going to come in from that same angle... Finding himself trapped, a claustrophobic circus performer.... but.... was agonizing over WHO IS HE>>> WHAT DOES HE DO.....

TERMINAL FEAR Finding himself trapped inside a locked-down airport, a claustrophobic circus performer is forced to improvise his way out of a mortal peril.

23 WORDS .... Whoo hoo.

TaLL After selling their souls to a devil the name of Black, tall-tale legends Pecos Bill and Slue-foot Sue must avoid both paying him back and every cowpoke who tries to sell ‘em out to that varmint.

@Paul, feel it needs just a little more 'battle' - outwit and escape? Why is the dwarf intent on destroying them? ie what is it that is causing this conflict? @ Jane again just a little more, why is he in mortal peril and who from? 'Taken hostage inside an Air Terminal, a failed apprentice illusionist must put on the performance of his life in order to outsmart terrorists hell bent on murder..." maybe (just another idea). @Michael, 'A hipster quest for "transcendent" duck tacos is nearly derailed by an overzealous health inspector'... again, nearly derailed.. why? and what is the health inspector's motive? All of you, ask yourselves, what is the goal, what are the stakes (apart from a steak Michael ;0) - sorry, couldn't resist) Hey guys, I'm certainly no expert here (although the links I posted and a pitch class with Pilar Alexander certainly helped my education)... just throwing ideas your way so you can work those loglines - you will know when they feel 'right' for you. Remember 'Sell it don't Tell it' - find that unique hook. Keep on at it, you will all get there. Now, must get back to writing mine.

You are wonderful Dee Chilton.... to take the time to care and share.... Hugs from us all.

TERMINAL FEAR After being taken hostage in an Airline Terminal, a delinquent teen struggles to overcome his claustrophobic fear, in order to outwit a terrified opponent, hell bent on destruction.

After being taken hostage in an Airline Terminal, a teen must overcome his fear of heights in order to outwit a terrified opponent. He only has one shot at it, and missing is not an option.

A teen taken hostage in an Airline terminal, must overcome his fear of heights to outwit a terrified opponent hell bent on destruction.

Finding himself trapped inside a locked-down airport, a claustrophobic circus performer is forced to improvise his way out of mortal peril before a terrorist destroys him and every hostage in the terminal.

HIPSTERS' JOURNEY A hipster quest for "transcendent" duck tacos is derailed when a failed chef turned health inspector closes the duck truck down.

DEMONIZED A young girl's mind becomes unlocked through her search for knowledge, while a community grapples with the notions of faith and reason.

Hi Nadia, Demonized sounds interesting! My thought is that "faith and reason" are too vague/general. They don't give the reader something specific to hang onto.

Thanks for the advice :). I will certainly consider reworking it then. I'm entering a logline contest too...so hopefully I can get a better idea of what grabs audiences and filmmakers.

Thanks Laura. I was afraid i'd give too much away. Is the logline apart of the physical promotion of the movie? Like a tagline? Or is it merely used to pitch a movie or after-the-fact (Like in a tv guide). This is perhaps where i'm getting confused.

@ Nadia you might like to read this http://www.scriptmag.com/features/craft-features/loglines-the-first-esse.... Also check out the links I posted in my earlier responses - some great stuff there.

Thanks Dee.

Laura is a pro, she should know... the sto'

Well back to the drawing board in that case. I looked over those articles. Thanks again. Looks like I have some perfectin to do! :)

After being taken hostage in an Airline Terminal, a teen has to overcome his fear of heights to outwit his opponent hell bent on destruction. He has only one shot at it, and missing isn't an option.

TERMINAL FEAR After being taken hostage in an Airline Terminal, a teen has to conquer his fear of heights, to outsmart an opponent hell bent on destruction. He only has one shot at it, and missing is not an option.

TONGUE IN CHEEK Just released from prison, a criminal youth taken hostage in an Airline siege, uses his skills to outwit a madman hell bent on destruction. His job as a rat catcher comes in handy when chasing his prey. TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE

Just being funny here guys... practicing the art of log line.... Apologies all, for not stopping to comment on your posts... been so busy bashing my head around my own log lines.... Going to read through shortly.... and say hello...thought that last one was pretty good....

GENDER BENDER An unscrupulous high flying executives life is thrown into total chaos after a deliberate mix up with pharmaceutical meds leaves him feeling anything other than himself. He must acknowledge, and work out what his problem is, before he loses his mind and ill gotten gains.

Think I am getting the swing of it...

Still reading and reading and reading some more.

MONKEY NUTS When a small towns bank is robbed, the local sheriff is sent on a wild goose chase trying to find the most likely culprit. When he finally works out who the culprit is, he has to decide, does he or doesn't he lay charges. Question is, can he. Not even the law can answer that.

Dee... Laura.... is that okay as a log line... OR, still too general?

I've found it challenging to whittle these loglines down but that is the challenge! .

When a small towns bank is robbed, and the culprit apprehended, the law has a hard time working out, how to precede with laying charges, when they already know, they cant.

Hello Michael, I am having fun here, trying to bring it down to 29 words or less.

One you grasp the concept.... you get HOOKED

Looking for HIPSTERS

A hipsters cravings for unequalled duck taco's, see's him being forced to go in search of the duck truck, to appease his appetite. When his determination to find the owner, far surpasses his cravings, the I want, rapidly turns to desperation. Unless he can find the Duck Truck.... He's Plucked. ,

BIG GRIN..... smiles ever so sweetly....

THE DUCK TRUCK HEIST The duck trucks on the run, and the guy craving taco duck, chases the truck all over the country in desperation to find it. The truck was previously owned by a criminal mate of his... and he finds out, that he hid something worth hiding in the duck truck.... so there is more to the Taco duck truck than just taco's. It's loaded with contraband. And the Mafia want their TRUCK back....

Duck....ing........

When a small town bank is robbed, the law has a hard time working out how to precede with pressing charges against the culprit when they already know they can't.

Brilliant again Sir!

That is one of the first stories I ever wrote.... First was... Shocked white, and the seven dwarfs... Really.. funny comedy... had even chosen Steve Martin for the main roll.

EXPATS When a young bride of an American couple living in Italy is surprised by a pregnancy, she will do all she can to hide the baby bump before her homesick husband decides to pull the plug on her Tuscan paradise and her budding art career.

Well, unless you are doing the logline in person, I've been told to stay away from questions. Just a thought.

Go Michael.... You are COOKING... Hope you didn't take offense at my silly sense of humor my friend. Where, is this latest hipster log line...not showing here...

That is getting better.... like that you added the names of the hipsters... makes you feel as though you know them...

Offense not taken! Silly is part of the process too :-)

This might be of interest. Here is how it is done at Disney... Bound by a shared destiny, a bright, optimistic teen bursting with scientific curiosity and a former boy-genius inventor jaded by disillusionment embark on a danger-filled mission to unearth the secrets of an enigmatic place somewhere in time and space that exists in their collective memory as “Tomorrowland.”

snazzy Simon.... You scored big on the SAT's

Not to lead anyone astray, I DID NOT WRITE THE DISNEY LOGLINE. I reposted it here from a recent Disney press release regarding their upcoming film "Tomorrowland." I just wanted everyone on this thread to see how the big boys do it.

TRY AGAIN (title) On Christmas Eve a failed Hollywood agent’s suicide attempt is interrupted by MARLON BRANDO’s ghost who informs him that he might as well end it all… OR he can try again. And again. Until he gets Christmas (and his life) right for once.

Simon I'm so "Disappointed"

Me too!

Michael that sounds familiar.... It is very similar to one posted on Amazon...

Janet, I worked on my own version (rejected) of that project. This one I'd make sure is different!

Hey guys, check this out: http://scarlet-films.com/speedy/high_concept_logline_generator.html

TRY AGAIN With the help of Marlon Brando’s ghost, a scam artist Hollywood agent struggles to overcome a past of deceit in order to actually land a client an acting role instead of vanishing after charging them expense money. I've been inspired by some of the not so good guys out there in Hollywood.

An unscrupulous Hollywood agent, struggles to overcome his past life of deceit when trying to land an actor a legitimate acting roll.

Thinking...

An unscrupulous Hollywood agent struggles to overcome his past life of deceit, with the help of Marlon Brando's ghost, when trying to land an actor a legitimate acting roll.

I passed in my own version to Amazon... The Christmas story... LEONE... Right?

SHOCKED WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS After losing his job, wife, family and friends due to bad attitude. A middle aged man takes to the road in his camper van in hopes of finding work with the circus. Having an " there is nothing I can't do attitude," he steps in for a sick trapeze artist dwarf on the high wire.. A nasty accident ensues, that see's him paying a visit to the other side. Where, someone with a bigger attitude is waiting, to teach him a lesson or two. A fairy tale of the nightmare kind.

Can you play around with this one Michael????

I will I will! :-) (Remember I'm in California and not on Kiwi time ;-o )

@Dee, having a great time with that logline generator. Here is its latest creation. In Detroit, Ellie, a gifted nerdy teen, struggles to outwit an evil dwarf intent on destroying the city.

Hi @Paul, I would ask, do you need the name? 'Struggles' seems a bit generic and 'gifted nerdy teen' seems a little vague - gifted in what way? I don't know the story but as a ball park suggestion just to get you thinking, would that be better as something more like ' When an evil dwarf intent on destroying Detroit (does something really bad that affects her as well as the town/world), a teenage 'no-hoper' draws on her hidden talents to (do something personal to her that shows direct conflict with him) and save her hometown.

"The Goode Neighbors": An annual couples weekend becomes a blood-soaked nightmare when the group invites the reclusive couple next door.

"The Goode Neighbors": An annual couples weekend becomes a blood-soaked nightmare when the group invites the reclusive couple next door.

So nice it needs to be said twice! Seriously though I think yours would sell. That genre is killing it (pun intended). Is Goode the last name? That is tad confusing.

I love it Hank.... do you really have to show off.... lols

Thank you again Mr Michael... I do have to get my head around where this one is going and going to end up. First script I ever wrote lols... Just wondered, if I could actually salvage it and polish it up.

Lol! I had an error when I tried to post it the first time and I didn't think it went through. And "Goode" is the last name of the reclusive neighbors.

"Within": When an attorney crosses paths with a pack of werewolves, she must deal with her own animalistic urges.

Hank, Hank.... you are putting the rest of us to shame lols

Michael my computers not back from the shop yet, can not send anything to anyone till then, was real hopeful of getting your thoughts on my treatment, before doing anything. Maybe today!

As Russian and Ukrainian "mafiyah", Chinese Tongs, Japanese Yakuza, Mexican and Colombian gangs, various "black" gangs, and the Aryan Brotherhood move into the relative vacuum created by the decimation of La Cosa Nostra in America, a small group of Italian-Americans and Jews recreate their own group, and battle to regain their grandfathers' turf, according to the old rules: don't touch women or children, don't deal drugs, and don't rat. Are rules meant to be broken?

I would shorten to something like this: A small group of Italian-Americans and Jews [in New York?] create their own gang and battle to regain their grandfathers' turf, according to the old rules: don't touch women or children, don't deal drugs, and don't rat; however when these rules are broken... [problems ensue]

a wet search or a funny one.

TaLL In legendary times tall-tale hero Pecos Bill struggles to overcome the devil himself in order to escape a hell-bound fate.

This is pretty good advice: http://www.scriptmag.com/features/visual-mindscape-the-kinetic-log-line

I love it when you post links Dee....

Comments please..... MORGUE A group of medical students playing around with an Ouija board in a hospital mortuary inadvertently open the door to evil, they have to find the door, before the evil finds them....

I think I am getting a bit better.....

cool! Yes, we're all getting better at this... A group of medical students playing with a Ouija board in a hospital mortuary inadvertently opens the door to evil (just evil might be too vague), they have to find the door, before the evil finds them....

Morgue A group of medical students playing with a Ouija board in a hospital mortuary, inadvertently open the door to an evil entity, they have to find the door, before the evil entity finds them....

Thanks M really appreciate it.... second one for you to comment... how is the first one with evil entity added?

Entity is still like saying a thingy, is it the devil? If it is say it. Be specific so it feels real.

Loglines look okay to me. Anything can be polished.

Hi everybody, the title of my screenplay is False Flags. Here's the logline to shoot at: When Nazi Germany blitz his Poland, a patriotic boy is dragooned into the Wehrmacht to save his family. The oppressed adventure takes him far from home and God, to hell.

"his"-->"hits" "oppressed adventure"-->"military kidnapping"

Thank you James for your attention and suggestions. I preferred "blitz" over "hits", to emphasize the aggressor. "His' makes clear the boy is a Pole emphasized by patriotic. I cannot find any reference of "militairy kidnapping" Words like loot, pillage doesn't fit for people. The nearest word is booty or prey, the Germans often nicknamed them as "booty Poles." By "oppressed adventure" I want to communicate his attitude, he is a young man, never left his village. At first he sees his new world as a challenge, a call for adventure...to say, until he reaches the harsh Eastern Front.

"Richard is given an choice by his girlfriend; he seeks help from his Pastor; his decision may affect his relationships." And don't be afraid to use the thesaurus to find other words besides "sucks". LOL

"Invaders attack earth. Captain Matthews may have found what leads to ending the war but is he in for more than he bargained for?"

@Richard, you would want to give the choice your character must make: "When his girlfriend forces a hapless man to choose between her and his passion for shell collecting..."

Never thought of that Michael Hager. Thank you my man. Gonna work on my logline and see what feels right.

Hi. Id also like to share my logline.. and get feedback. Ive re-edited it, and hope its better now. I wrote the first story last year, and am busy with the 2nd one now.. and its really good. Heres the logline . A homeless young girl finds herself in a dangerous situation while being pursued by a powerful businessman who has a sinister interest in her. https://www.stage32.com/profile/181622/Screenplay/A-Shadow-of-Hope

If I may... first, all loglines seem, by their very nature, to be an exercise in fluidity. Gather ten people and ask then to write a logline for Citizen Kane or Ace Ventura and I can promise you ten different loglines. What you have is quite nice and probably does a great job of describing the story. If I were to offer my edit (which implies I will) I would tighten it just a wee bit... "A young homeless girl finds herself being pursued by a powerful businessman with a sinister interest in her (well being)."

Immediately I want to know the nature of the "sinister interest". One might initially think it carnal - but I think it's something darker still. And I like 'young homeless girl' better than as written. Keep writing.

thanks Simon. I like ur tight editing of it. @ G.Leo. The story is dramatic, with twists and turns, and the finale leaves u wanting book 2, which still wont answer ur question on his sinister intentions. LOL thankis for the feedback. I think Ive got the hang of loglines now. Now I need to brush up on scripts, and my weak points of writing dialogues. Loving the support on stage 32.

Hi Kris! Thank you for your request, much appreciated.

Paul: I taught a screenwriting workshop and have been a judge for 3 international screenwriting competitions. There are three basic formulas for loglines. They're all pretty simple, but they contain "must have" information for a good or great logline: 1. Protagonist (has problem) and (must achieve goal) to solve that problem. 2. Protagonist has (a goal) but (major obstacle) stands in his/her way. 3. (Situation) causes (main character) to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome) I'm not saying you have to follow any of these, but they are the currently accepted standard approach in the film industry, and the people out there recognize them as such. Brian

this is really good and I do like Blake Snyder's addition of irony to the LL if and when possible.