Screenwriting : Posted my first logline--happy to receive feedback / critique by Robin Juliet

It's common to have mixed genre, or 'layered storytelling' these days, and many folks are catching up to the idea ;)

Thanks @Jim. That helps set my mind at ease.

It's a little long, Robin. You should look at reducing it by at least 50%. I also had to re-read the first sentence several times as it was confusing. Try something along the lines of: When a groom finds himself being tested with a night of debauchery, he must find a way to handle it without upsetting his bride to be.

it's not a logline. it's a mini synopsis -- the right size for a query letter. start with a logline like Pierre just wrote and then follow with this. however, it still needs a bit of fixing. don't be disappointed by the limitation of the genre choices here. you can market it any way you want. however, you need to know what that "other" is -- is this a dramedy? or a comedy? or a horror or thriller? are the girls alien creatures? you don't have to say that in the logline, but it will help to identify the genre ie - sci fi or horror. it doesn't feel like Romance should be your fist selection in the genre hybrid.

@Lisa, I don't think we have a choice regarding the order of the genres. I know with mine, the system changed the order to alphabetical and I'm pretty sure "other" is automatically placed as last.

Thank you for your comments Pierre and Lisa. They have been very helpful. The girls are prostitutes--and that's the biggest problem I'm having with the title--it works in nuanced ways throughout the script, but I think people get the wrong idea and think it's sci-fi. That's why I tried to latch on a subtitle. I've updated the logline. The brother in law is more central to the story than the groom. I realize from your comments I had the wrong POV in the original logline.

no, i meant that she doesn't need to limit any of that when she's ready to market/query. it's just no big deal. lol! yeah, no one would market their script as "other" lol! maybe they should have a write in your genre instead.

Both the title and inclusion of Charlie Sheen infer comedy to me. What do you classify it as?

your rewrite doesn't make me think "romance" at all. with the focus on Gordon and not the fiance it becomes something different --- unless... testing your sister's fiance on whether he likes kink or not seems incest-like.

@ C Michael--Yes, that is much better. I will change it.

@Lisa I agree--it's NOT a romance. There wasn't an option for anything erotic. I can take romance out, but then I'm not left with much by way of options.

@Krsitopher--Yes. The "Charlie Sheen" character definitely gets the funny lines. I'll add comedy to the mix.

@Peter--thanks for the recommendation. I'll check it out.

Thank you for your comments, everybody! They have been tremendously helpful. I've taken your advice and revised my wording for clarity. Before I post the script here, would you recommend I copyright it? I got the impression that skipping that step can be a big issue.

it's always recommended that you copyright any script you make available to the public. if you upload it here then you have no control over who sees it. however, if you think it's not ready to be copyrighted then just upload the first 10 pages for comments. people can tell you whether it still needs work or if it's crap... and all that in between, with suggestions and feedback OR whether you should just go ahead and take it to the market. ;)

As Lisa said, always copyright before releasing it to the public