Screenwriting : Why Clowns Can't Kill Themselves by Jose Guns Alves

It definitely is a mouthful. My worry is the common moviegoer may not find the spark this story potentially deserves. The semicolon seems out of place there. Is this designed to be a funny thriller or a scary comedy?

It's designed to be a funny, dark comedy that entertains through humor yetatthe end has an important message

Say what you will; I am a sucker for alliteration. How does this strike you? "Demeaned for the last time, a contemptible clown resolves to kill himself, with each attempt going absurdly awry."

I like that, the only thing the character of the clown is more lovable loser then contemptible. Need another c word. Ha

Ooh! How about "capitulated clown?"

Capitulated is not bad, I think contemptible like you said earlier is not bad either I guess. Perhaps crestfallen.

@Patrick, he is sad and down in the dumps over how miserable his life is. But it gets worse. Haha

@Patrick Dejected was one of the words I considered as well, but I was grinning over the thought of using a c word. There is such a thing as trying too hard, though. Go with what feels right, Jose!

"A demeaned dejected clown in dire straits embarks on a suicide spree with each attempt going absurdly awry until he arrives at an impasse."

I would also suggest giving it a run over at www.logline.it. A community of people who help each other with loglines.

You could simplify demeaned dejected by using "outcast." Or you might say "emotionally crushed outcast clown."

I love irony and black comedy (Harold and Maude, etc.) but holly wood traditionally doesn't get it (it's a had sell)

Iphone fingers :)