please let me know what y’all think of this dialogue-only piece
or should i paste the whole thing in a post here, as text? it’s not long—a three minute read
Screenwriting : Notes for this short film? by James LO
Other topics in Screenwriting:
Check out Trending Discussions
Register / Log In
3 people like this
Fantastic job on the piece, James LO! It held my attention, and the exposition didn't feel like exposition.
You could put the piece in your post. You can edit your post by clicking the downward arrow to the right of your name and selecting "Edit Post." Or you could post your piece in the comments.
1 person likes this
Interesting. To me it read like a cold open to a Twilight Zone episode.
2 people like this
thanks for the feedback guys!
Maurice Vaughan yes it’s all exposition really—totally breaks the show don’t tell rule—but rules to be broken right?
Michael Dzurak i definitely had twilight zone in mind—this was basically an image which hung in my head from last night’s dream—a woman being kidnapped to a city under the ocean.
for me the comps are Elysium and 1,001 Nights (in that she’s bargaining for her life with tales she must make up on the spot)
3 people like this
You're welcome, James LO. The only rules I don't break are be entertaining and be clear.