Hi everyone
Here’s a small slice from a project I’m working on:
Maggie and Henry are driving. The radio plays some pop music, and Maggie is singing along.
Henry turns off the radio.
Maggie (irritated): What are you doing?! I’ve listened to it!
Henry (calmly): I’ll turn it back, but first things first… Have you brought a gun?
Maggie reaches into her purse and pulls out a small gun.
Henry: Are you serious?
Maggie: What?! …It’s cute!
She puts the gun back. Henry turns the radio back on.
Glad to hear some feedback!
3 people like this
Interesting, the gun is a decent hook. But I'd change "I've listened to it!" to "I was listening to that!"
3 people like this
Hi Michael Dzurak. Nice catch. that definitely sound better. Thanks
3 people like this
Hi, Bartosz Koliński! It's a nice start. Maybe describe the location and your characters' moods/etc. when the scene starts. And you could show things like "irritated" and "calmly" through action.
4 people like this
Sounds like an interesting start... i want to know what happens next!
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Maurice Vaughan I intentionally gave only dialog. I wanted to show the relationship between characters and only it, nothing more. I'm aware than ideas can be sometime taken by someone so I'm not showing more than I want to.
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This is interesting and good for the start