Hey all, I've been writing a pilot for this show I have trapped in my head. I can't imagine it is original enough but I would love to hear feedback on it. It's a hero-type one-hour drama about a selected group of people chosen to protect the planet and all its dimensions. The main character, Jon, lives in this world where many people are born with abilities to the point that a city without a 'guardian angel' is weird. But having such abilities gives you the responsibility of taking care of the people around you and Jon isn't quite sure he is willing to accept that responsibility. The show starts with Jon completely changing his life because of past mistakes, new school, new friends, new look. But even in all his changes his heart remains the same in not wanting to accept this responsibility he was given. It's 46ish pages. I'm trying to get it longer without adding stuff that would just eventually be taken out anyways. I want to add things with meaning. Any thoughts on the idea though?
Screenwriting : The Core by Becca Zenga
The Core
Other topics in Screenwriting:
Check out Trending Discussions
Register / Log In
5 people like this
Raise the stakes. You said any city without a guardian is weird. Make it so any city without a guardian can't survive. That kind of desperation causes people to do desperate things - like scouring the planet and stealing children with special powers. And what are the guardians protecting the cities from? Barbarian cannibals, invading aliens? Make the danger real and close at hand. And how do you raise a kidnapped child so it willingly defends your city - brainwashing. And what if Jon is having flashbacks and second thoughts, his brainwashing is starting to falter. Anyway, some of that might give you something that hasn't been done before, a new take on the superhero genre. Good luck.
1 person likes this
^^^^^what he said.
1 person likes this
Also, will someone come after Jon/hold him responsible when he decides to run away?
1 person likes this
Mark has a great suggestion for raising the stakes by imagining a supply/demand imbalance. Too much demand for these special people, but too little supply. You might also imagine what would happen if you flip the supply/demand balance. What if there are 200 "special" people, but only 80 cities in need of protection. What do these extra folks do with their abilities? Is there competition for these slots? Jealousy? Back-stabbing? Plenty of possibility for conflict there as well.
Thanks, I didn't think of that. Raise the stakes. The balance I have in my mind is, it's weird. It's like there are people with abilities yes- but even fewer who can walk from dimension to dimension. Like a handful of people. What I'm mostly worried about is if the idea, the hero-type, if it's just too overdone at this point. Continue writing it and be shut down for it being overdone, or continue writing it BECAUSE it's so popular. Or, just start on a different topic completely. Sometimes also I think my story line is too complicated. I have like 20 things I want to work out so nearly every line of dialogue is either hinting at something or starting a whole new thread.