I am trying to create a log line for my film and I am having trouble. How is this? Tell me what you think. Callan is a soldier in an army controlled by aliens he is loyal to but has never seen. He stumbles on the origin of his race and the plan that has enslaved his people. His discovery leads him on a journey across he galaxy to find the pieces of the puzzle that unlock the disappearance of the Human race.
Screenwriting : Log line by Jason C Rogers
Log line
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Interesting, though a few thoughts: 1. It's not clear that Callan is human. I'm assuming he is? 2. He's "on a journey" trying "to find" something... But, what's in his way? Why is the journey difficult and interesting? In other words, what's the obstacle? 3. And then what? He's trying to "unlock the disappearance", but what happens if he fails? What happens if he succeeds? I mean, like, is he trying to free his people from bondage? Prevent the annihilation of the last of his species? What are the stakes here?
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You'll need to summarise it into one sentence, with the following information: The Protagonist, The Protagonist's Goal and The Antagonist. Instead of the antagonist, you can mention the force that is preventing the protagonist from achieving his/her goal but if you do have a principle antagonist, best to mention them. So an example for this one (with the info you've provided and a couple of assumptions) could be: 'An inquisitive human soldier in an alien led army is pursued across the galaxy as he searches for the origin of his race, after discovering that his people were enslaved by his masters'. Bit rough, but can be fine tuned. PS: Best not to use the antagonists name, but a two or three word description like above. PPS: This sounds a little similar to 'Oblivion'. Might be best to watch it.
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I think that you have to explicitly provide the trigger in the story that starts the quest, especially since you want to leave the open ended third act of "to unlock the disappearance of the human race." So like "when he finds the..." Or "when he uncovers the... this leads him on a quest..." Spill the beans on the impetus for the journey.
Thank you all, great info I will definitely use. Its not like Oblivion at all, The human race is abducted and used as solders. One solider discovers that he is a genetically engineered from humans and finds that there are some humans left. They had been in hiding from the ones who he has adored and been loyal to all this time. rebellion ensues. the 2 halves of the human race become one.
From beyond our galaxies, against all odds, discovering that he is human, he goes with the current to find his root...
Sounds like a winner. Assuming the humans have some ability that is useful to the aliens.
Thank you all for the support and the suggestions!