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CHUBBY WUBBY IS IN CHARGE
By Edith Woi
SYNOPSIS:
SYNOPSIS: Ester Carey, “CHUBBY WUBBY” ,is an 8 year old girl with the weight of the world of on her shoulders. Her mother, Miss Caroline Mixner, “MISS FRO FRO”, is illiterate and relies on her to manage the household affairs. Mike Carey, “MISTER MC”, is the common-law husband to Miss Fro Fro and a womaniser. As Chubby Wubby goes back home to waste time while waiting for the school bus, she sees a woman enter her house. After going inside, she finds MISS LOLA and Mister MC in bed together. Mister MC admonishes Chubby Wubby not to utter a word of what she has seen to anyone. Chubby Wubby finds comfort in eating. Also, she has the support of her best friend VIVIAN. Vivian gives her information about getting a free lunch ticket for school meals. This greatly helps Chubby Wubby since she tends to eat all of the food her mother prepares before arriving at school. At school, Chubby Wubby is one of the brightest students. She is very competitive to the point where she ends up peeing on herself to be the first student to finish a test. It is there that she also encounters Miss Lola in the library. Miss Lola then gives her a private letter to give to Miss Fro Fro. However, Chubby Wubby opens it knowing her mother can't read and finds out that Miss Lola wants Mister MC to move in with her. Also, she confirms that Mister MC is not Chubby Wubby's father. Later, Chubby Wubby meets her mother at her job at Cooley's Market. There she witnesses how her mother steals money and goods from MR. COOLEY. Afterwards, Miss Fro Fro goes to the bank to withdraw some money. She realises that all the money in her account has been withdrawn and transferred to Miss Lola's account. Chubby Wubby comforts her mother and promises to fix the situation.
CHUBBY WUBBY IS IN CHARGE
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Tell Peter to write this for you! :) He nailed it.
Excellent idea!
Oh Edith, there are a lot of of problems with this. The style is not cinematic. It's too narrative like a novel. You mention things we can't see or know. You must be able to convey the story by writing EXACTLY what we see and hear on the screen. And the formatting is off. You should invest in David Trottier's book, THE SCREENWRITERS' BIBLE to help you with this. Did you see MONSTERS BALL? Halle Berry's son would eat his troubles too. He wasn't chubby. He was obese. And hid chocolate bars all over the house. Halle's character didn't know how to handle it. He would keep eating chocolate while she spanked him. It was pretty sad.
I'm right in the thick of working on a script. But, if you give me a couple of day then I can show you what i'm talking about... with your permission of course.
@Lisa! I know when you are writing it is HARD to take time for others....so if you have time I would be happy to get help! In the meantime, give me a day to go through again and take some obvious mistakes regarding "actions/actable" verbs. Also, I normally use Celtx but found it difficult to use on my tablet so just used WORD and approx for the borders. For the style, I basically used http://www.writersstore.com/how-to-write-a-screenplay-a-guide-to-scriptw.... But I want to do some work on it and apply some of your suggestions to cut down on the work you are offering to do ! :-)
Hey Edith -- technical formatting is an easy fix. what you need to work on is the formatting style. only write what the audience can actually see on the screen. SHOW don't TELL. also, you need to determine the tone of your story. the names of your characters suggest comedy. so, if it's a funny story then you can stick with it. if it's a drama then you should change the names. however, you can still use the name Chubby Wubby as either a term of endearment (from family) or a bully term (from kids that make fun of her). write on!
@Lisa...I know you don't sugarcoat stuff...so I'm calling you Sweet Lisa! But I am more a comedy writer...however, I did have this "serious" topic I wanted to put out there. I have made some changes....went through and changing places where my actions were not real ACTIONS! Had to add a few lines of dialogue to fix that. I have updated the script a bit more. Need fresh eyes :-) https://www.stage32.com/sites/stage32.com/files/assets/screenplay/363201...