After reviewing various coverages of my first feature and giving it a lot of thought I now have a more solid direction that I want to go with the story. But before I start to rewrite it I want to nail down a solid logline to help keep me on track with the direction. Overview of the story is: A teen girl with a severe heart conditions is suffering from depression and feels she has little to live for. She meets and forms a bond with an obscure loner who is also of a different race. They fall in love and must overcome her parents objections to their relationship and when she starts to feel like there is something more to live for her heart condition worsens threatening her life. This is what I came up with real quick and it needs tweaking. An ailing teen depressed and feeling helpless falls for an obscure loner changing her outlook on life but must overcome racial barriers to be together and her failing heart that threatens her life.
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Overly long. Try this: A sick teen, ready to die, forms a bond with a man she has nothing in common with in order to find a reason to live.
As some very general advice, decide what exactly is the main throughput of the story, in other words, what exactly are you trying to convey t the audience. Once you decide specifically what that message is, yous should find it much easier to write a 25-30 word logline. I will take a quick stab at it but keep in mind I have one of those annoying 'flu that will not die' flus lol. A dying teen, her enduring love will bring her to a finial choice between family, and faith.
Some advice on this logline. you need to state it in one sentence. Remember the logline should start out with an issue or a problem, then at the end solve it. If the girl is sick why would the parents care who she hangs out with? Is she going to die in a month? a week? is it suicide? I know that would be a hot topic with youth today. Any way, I hope it helps.