Hi everyone! I’m a Brazilian screenwriter currently building an international portfolio and exploring stories grounded in emotional and social conflict.
I’d love to get feedback on a couple of my feature film loglines — especially regarding clarity, engagement, and market appeal.
Here they are:
BETWEEN THE LINES
When a former inmate finds a notebook filled with entries that seem to mirror his life, he embarks on a quest to find its author hoping this mystery might be his shot at redemption.
HIS LAST DAY
On the last day of his life, a repressed teenager sets out to live every dream he never dared before making the most irreversible decision of all.
If any of these resonate with you, or if you see room for improvement, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks in advance!
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BETWEEN THE LINES and HIS LAST DAY sound interesting, Fábio Balbino. Great jobs on the loglines. I suggest adding an adjective for the former inmate in the BETWEEN THE LINES logline (the main flaw he has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes his personality). It'll give the reader more insight into his character.
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Thank you for sharing! A few suggestions…
Between the lines: great premise. We need to know what’s at stake. The Why (or what happens if he doesn’t succeed.)
His Last Day: what is the central conflict? what is preventing him from living his dreams or will something change his mind?
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Maurice Vaughan Geoffroy Faugerolas Thank you so much for taking the time to share thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate it!
I made some adjustments to both loglines based on your suggestions and would love to hear if you feel they’re moving in the right direction:
BETWEEN THE LINES
When an ex-convict haunted by guilt finds a notebook filled with entries that seem to mirror his life, he embarks on a quest to find its author, believing it might be his last chance at redemption before the cycle of violence he escaped pulls him back in for good.
HIS LAST DAY
On the day he secretly plans to end his life, a repressed teenager sets out to live every dream he never dared, but a series of unexpected encounters force him to reconsider what truly makes life worth living.
Any thoughts are welcome! And thank you again for helping me sharpen the core of these ideas!
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You're welcome, Fábio Balbino. I think your loglines got better. Five stars.
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HIS LAST DAY.... oh my word! That sounds like there's so much to unpack! How did you go writing that script? Great logline BTW
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Lauren Hackney Thank you so much, Lauren! This story was born from a very personal and intimate place that still resonates deeply with me, even in adulthood. I often feel like I lost a big part of my teenage years due to emotional and social repression, something I’ve never fully recovered from.
To shape this idea, I added dramatic elements inspired by a novel I absolutely love: Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock. The emotional weight and honesty of that book stayed with me, and I felt the urge to blend it with my own experiences to create something meaningful.
I haven’t written the full script yet, but it’s definitely a story I intend to develop soon and share with the world.
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Maybe he should be a current inmate?
A vigilante inmate, devastated over not being able to correct past mistakes, receives a notebook that mirrors his life and escapes from prison to find the author.