Screenwriting : Urban Dark Fantasy Series - Seeking Feedback on My Core Concept by Debbie Makima

Hi, Debbie Makima. Unique concept! What stood out the most is "forced to embrace a mystical heritage she rejects in order to save her younger sister" and "The plot is driven by the complex relationship between three sisters, bound together by a secret, a mistake, and a sacrifice."

Yes to all three of your questions.

Maybe add a character (like a best friend or boyfriend) who Cléophée trusts, but is secretly working for herself/himself or the enemy.

I find Dark Fantasy movies like Sleepy Hollow and Pan's Labyrinth inspiring. I'm not sure if I've seen Dark Fantasy shows and read Dark Fantasy books.

I suggest checking out these blogs:

"The Secrets To Mapping Out a Multi-Season Story" www.stage32.com/blog/the-secrets-to-mapping-out-a-multi-season-story-3924

"Mapping Out a Multi-Season Story Part 2: Where Do You Get Ideas For This Much Story?" www.stage32.com/blog/mapping-out-a-multi-season-story-part-2-where-do-yo...

Maurice Vaughan

Thank you so much for your detailed and very encouraging feedback! I'm delighted that the concept and the family dynamics caught your attention. Your validation of the key points is highly motivating.

Your suggestion about a trusted character who turns out to be an antagonist is a classic and very effective way to build tension. It's interesting that you mention it, as I do have a character, Kevin (a policeman and former colleague), who fulfills that role of the "trusted contact" outside the family circle.

However, I made a deliberate choice not to make him a traitor. I want to explore the idea that loyalty and alliance in the face of the inexplicable are possible. Kevin represents that anchor to the "real world," who chooses to believe and fight despite everything.

The narrative structure is indeed inspired by the myth of Pandora's Box, but it's supported by a larger, original mythology: that of a primordial balance shattered by the betrayal of an entity of chaos (Vorak), releasing the Shadows – which are the void left by the absence of its benevolent counterpart (Liora). The Protectors, like my heroine Cléophée, are the spiritual heirs of Liora. The betrayal thus comes from within this ancient order – an apprentice revealing himself to be corrupted – an echo of a much older fall.

Thank you as well for the references - Pan's Labyrinth is indeed an inspiration in terms of atmosphere. The articles on series structure are a precious resource.

So, building on your idea: In this context of mythological fall and institutional betrayal, do you think the presence of a loyal ally like Kevin becomes even more crucial to embody hope and human resilience?

Thanks again for these valuable exchanges.

You're welcome, Debbie Makima. I like your "trusted contact" outside the family circle idea better, and I think it's more impactful. Yeah, I think the presence of a loyal ally like Kevin becomes even more crucial to embody hope and human resilience. I'm looking forward to watching this!

This sounds like a very strong foundation for a dark fantasy series!

The Main Character: I think a physician as the heroine works really well. Her training in logic and science immediately creates inner conflict when she’s forced to deal with the supernatural. That tension feels fresh and could give the audience a very relatable “in” to the story.

The Catalyst: The younger sister as the vessel of the threat is compelling, because it creates both urgency and guilt — it’s not just about saving the world, it’s deeply personal. That’s where the emotional hook really shines.

The Setting: A modern city with a hidden occult past is intriguing — it allows you to blend grounded, contemporary struggles with mythology and horror. The key will be making Noulane feel like its own character, unique and layered.

For references, you might find inspiration in Penny Dreadful (for the mix of personal drama and dark myth), His Dark Materials (for the science vs. mysticism theme), or even The Exorcist (for the family/emotional stakes tied to possession).

Overall, the elements are very strong — I’d be excited to see how you develop Cléophée’s inner journey alongside the external battles.

Asia Almerico Thank you for such a pertinent analysis. You perfectly identified the core issues I wanted to explore: the science/occult conflict within Cléophée, and the deeply familial dimension of the catalyst. Your references are spot-on, especially Penny Dreadful for the atmosphere and The Exorcist for the familial impact of possession. Your suggestion to make Noulane a character in its own right is an excellent direction to work on.

It's a well thought out concept. The question I would ask is "can I make it feel more original?"

A celebrated rationalist, whose only friend accidentally has become the vessel for an ancient shadow entity, must embrace an illogical pseudo science to save the world.

Wal Friman

Thank you so much for this stimulating suggestion, Wal! The idea of a chosen bond—like a profound friendship—as the core driver would indeed create a very different and interesting dynamic.

However, for this specific project, I am deeply interested in exploring the unique pressures and sacrifices inherent to a familial bond. The built-in history, guilt, and sense of duty between sisters add a layer of personal drama and stakes that I find incredibly fertile ground for a long-form narrative.

Your feedback does push me to think about how to heighten the originality within this familial framework. Perhaps by sharpening Cléophée's internal conflict: what if her rationalism isn't just a personal belief, but also a public persona (e.g., she's a well-known media scientist) that she risks destroying by embracing her mystical heritage? That could add a compelling external pressure.

Thanks again for this feedback—it's really helpful for digging deeper into the concept!