Screenwriting : Actions and emotions in the script and on screen by Alex Tur

or something along the lines of -

A CLICKING SOUND from behind. Alex begins to slowly turn.

KATE (O.S.)

Would you be so kind as to help me?

Alex faces a young woman .... (describe her briefly)

Might want to further describe the clicking sounds. Why does he turn around slowly (maybe explained in the fuller scene).

Just a thought.

Ronnie: that is good. But surely we don't need to capitalize CLICKING SOUND. The director and reader knows that it is important. All those caps all over scripts...some writers have stopped that tradition. Just MHOP.

Jon Shallit What about Shots in this case? WriteDuo automatically highlights them using Caps.

Other programs don't. Just ignore my advice. It's just my opinion.

Both are good, both dependent on the writer´s style. One is clean and concise, the other descriptive. Why not opt for mix of both?

I think B is most effective, Alex Tur.

"how detailed should an action description be, and is it worthwhile to include, in addition to the character's basic emotions, their motivation for the action to more accurately convey those emotions?" It depends on what's happening in the scene, Sometimes the action line needs to be really detailed, and sometimes one word, two words, etc. work. And it depends on a writer's style.

Jon Shallit On the contrary, I appreciate your response, and I'm interested in any opinions! I think this is a topic for another discussion. Thanks again!

Maurice Vaughan 5 Absolutely right! I try to do that. However, the plot is continuous and built on references to earlier events, objects, spoken lines, facial expressions, and intonations. For example, the stolen sneakers from the main character at the beginning of the season create a new arc, which at the end of the season, in the climax, is destroyed by a short phrase spoken midseason. A dispute over a T-shirt leads to epic space battles.

The question arises: should this be highlighted in Caps or Notes?

"However, the plot is continuous and built on references to earlier events, objects, spoken lines, facial expressions, and intonations." I would make the action lines more detailed and put the references in bold, caps, or italics, Alex Tur. Or I'd use underlines.

Jay Gladwell For my part, I'd recommend a resource I selected for myself a year ago and still use. A nice bonus is the availability of free script samples in various genres. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/

"Turning around carefully so as not to ruin the atmosphere of mystery, Alex prepares for the next adventure." Show, don't tell.

With determination and caution, Alex swings around.

E Langley I completely agree. I admit it. Thank you! A typical beginner's mistake when adapting a picture from a novel to an image on the screen.

Asked for an add and trade.

Jon Shallit Done. Welcome!

One of the things I had to learn was that I couldn't write emotion or motive- HARD!

Really not wanting this to sound harsh, but neither one. I would suggest looking at scripts that use scarcity of words for maximum impact.

You can write emotion and motive, Libby Wright.

Thank you, Maurice Vaughan. All of the directors I talked to said I put it in WAAAAYYY too much- like in every scene. So I figured out how to show not tell and it improved my script a lot. So I ammend my statement, yes you can do it sparingly- I was overdoing it!

You're welcome, Libby Wright. That's great. It's best to "show not tell" in my opinion. Yeah, I suggest not overdoing it with emotion and motive in scenes.

I write my action lines like they are shots without any ING, no sensory details, or emotions. This script was called a fast read. Hope that helps.

Before I could answer the question, I would like to have more context about the scene. I can assume that is at night time when it’s transpiring because it would make more impact and hearing only one person walking behind you. Is it in the alley or is it in a parking garage? These are all important questions and helps to bring a more believable dialogue for the characters. even though you wrote an action line the scene does not seem to be moving. Also, the dialogue does not sound authentic. For example, if someone is in a dark place and someone is walking behind them, It would be natural instinct to glance behind them In the location where they are walking. Furthermore, if a character is even slightly anxious, the dialogue would describes such?

Here is an example of just a small tweak of action.

EXT. PARKING LOT - MIDNIGHT

Jacob sweats profusely now aware that he is being followed. He grips his keys tighter and speeds up his pace. The footsteps of the stranger echo against the pavement at the same pace.

this is only one example, But there are other ways of course that you could write it.

Other questions that I would Answer through my action and dialogue are these,

Is Jacob on the run?

Is he being surveilled?

Why is the woman asking for help?

If the woman is asking for help even slightly anxiously, she would act differently.

Woman

Please... Hhelp me!

These are just some tweaks that might help you. Remember to show and not tell emotions and actions. write actions and dialogues as if they are happening right now.

Thanks a lot, Mone't Weeks! I just updated the pilot script in my profile. The fragment presented is the final scene of the first episode. What preceding events caused this reaction, what is this place, and who is Alex himself? You'll find the answers to these questions in this episode, which sets the pieces on the board.