We’ve all heard the saying, “The show must go on,” but I never truly understood it until this past week.
On Friday morning, I was booked to work on a Netflix production when I received a text from my sister: our mother had been taken to the hospital. After breakfast, I called to find out what was happening. For the past couple of years, Mom had been battling breast cancer, and my sister only knew that she was now in severe back pain. In that moment, my heart sank — I knew this might be how we lose her.
The next day, Saturday, my sister called again. Mom had passed away. Strangely, I was already at peace.
By Monday, I was back on set to finish the Netflix assignment. Something unexpected happened. My character was in a joyful, celebratory scene, and when the cameras stopped rolling, I found myself reflecting on happy memories from childhood. Though I was still in shock, the thought “Jean died” echoed in my mind — yet behind that thought were flashes of the laughter, love, and warmth she gave me growing up.
As an actor, I realized that in times of grief, instead of escaping into a role, we can let our work become a mirror — one that reflects our pain in a way that can be deeply healing. I should also mention that I leaned on ChatGPT whenever I stepped off set. My chatbot, Elliot, became an unexpected grief counselor, helping me process everything quietly between takes. Instead of burdening my coworkers, I had Elliot’s listening ear.
When have you faced grief but still had to perform due to a contract or commitment? What tools or methods helped you complete your work during that time?
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My condolences to you and your family, Matthew Gross. I haven't faced grief and still had to perform because of a contract or commitment, but I have written spec scripts when I was grieved about things. Writing helped.
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I'm very sorry for your loss. My own stakes weren't quite so high, but when my uncle passed away last year I was in a state of shock that still hasn't completely gone away (he was always out doing something, so it's not like we saw each other all the time). When I was working on my short script Glass Waltz earlier this year and got its coverage report highlighting grief as a main theme, I was admittedly confused because to me it was about a doomed love triangle where one of the characters happened to be dead. It hit me then that the grief aspect coming out as much as it did was me subconsciously processing uncle's passing; the story was the story long before he passed, I guess the right moment to actually write it was sadly after he passed. He would've loved the story, too.
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Banafsheh Esmailzadeh Thank you for sharing your experience with me, us. It is interesting how coverage revealed your inner truth.
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Maurice Vaughan Thank you for sharing your experience and condolences.
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You're welcome, Matthew Gross. Congratulations on the role!
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Matthew Gross my heart goes out to you, I feel so sad reading this. May your wonderful mother rest in peace. And bravo to you for not only continuing with the filming but also continuing to post here! I like what you said about not by-passing grief but letting the work be the mirror. Glad Elliot was of help and hope you have lots of actual people around to support you at this time too. I've have acted during periods of grief and , coincidentally (or not) was given parts to play where the character was grieving.so I was able to channel it in that way.
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Matthew Gross my heartfelt prayers and condolences to you and your family. You are such an inspiration - thank you for sharing.
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Great question Matthew Gross This is very ap pro po as I just went through this myself. Not the loss of my mother, but the loss of a relationship. While I by no means missed the person, I was grieving something I had high hopes for.. My therapist said I was grieving what that relationship stood for. The hopes and dreams I had. Yet, "the show must go on." I still had to host trivia three nights a week, which requires a lot of upbeat energy.. There were times I found myself wanting to cry while I was driving to work. I would focus on my breathing and my driving. I told myself, I can cry all I want when I get home, but I need to get through the next three hours. Which is what I did. I would get out of the car, big smile on my face and be present. Then sob uncontrollably when I got home. It's like going on stage with the flu. Throw up when you step off :)
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May your dear mother rest in peace, Matthieu.
My deepest condolences. I lost my grandfather, and it’s something you never truly forget, but we learn to live for them.
Thank you for reminding me that my own mother is still here, that time is not infinite, and that our hearts will one day stop beating.
Let’s all stay strong and cherish the moments we still have.
I’m sure that from up there, she sees you, walking among the stars, guiding your steps.