Hello everyone.
I’m curious to hear your feedback.
I’m a relatively new screenwriter who has only two script written so far. I first started as a writer, building a science fiction universe with ideas for two series of ten books. I completed the first book which had 900 pages. Struggling to get feedback I decided to try as a screenwriter and wrote the pilot of that book. The pilot helped me realize all the skills I was lacking and needed to improve. Also realizing science-fiction wasn’t the best for a new screenwriter in today’s market, I wrote a feature script on another theme of interest : personal development. My first feature is about childhood traumas, how it impacts us years later as adults. The story switch between my adult protagonist struggling with her life and kid and trying to heal through councelling and her younger self as she is living what will become traumatic memories. The logline is available on this platform.
Now I am at a point where I submitted this feature to several contests and got lot of feedback I used to improve my screenplay. Now the feedback I get look very similar. They say the concept is really original and great. The story get you deeply involved emotionnally. The two main protagonistes stories are great enough for potential Awards-caliber performance. However the script lack pace especially in the second act. The dialogues tend to tell too much what the characters feels or think and would feel more realist if they said less and more contradictory and conflicted.
My questions are as follow
1) Does screenplay review and analyses have tendency to exagerate your strength to get more sympathy in their evaluation and I should take the award-caliber role with a grain of salt
2) How much dialogue and pace can limit the potential of my script? I haven’t won any contest but would I still be able to get a producer or manager Even if it has great potential and great flaws?
3) How much the fact it’s a psychological drama with childhood abuses (limiting the market) can make it difficult to generate interest.
By the way, I would be really interested in joining a group of screenwriter. I would really love to have someone help me with dialogue and pace. I know I can help out with story ideas, character’s psychology, intrigue…
2 people like this
Hey Nicolas Lavoie I am similarly new to screenwriting. I don't have much experience with contest feedback, although I did enter my first feature into a few and was told the concept wasn't very marketable. I'm curious have you taken part in any webinars/ classes on Stage 32 / anywhere else? I'm currently trying to educate myself ( having written two different versions of the same story with a limited understanding of structure and without much prep work).
4 people like this
Pace is a huge deal in storytelling period. The pace is what moves the story. You don't want the reader to be rushed if the intent is for that moment to breathe. Or to be bogged down when they should be moving forward.
Some scenes NEED that breath to really hit the reader where you want them to get hit.
Pacing can also be used to steer the reader's emotions and make their empathetic response to the moment virtually involuntary.
Pace is so, so important.
Dialogue is also huge. If you struggle with effective dialogue, I suggest eavesdropping. And I am so so serious
Listen to what people say and more importantly, HOW they say it. Even more importantly, listen to what they do not say.
Most people speak directly only when they are at their most comfortable. They talk around the subject most times.
And no real person walks around speaking in lengthy exposition. Unless they are a tour guide or teacher where feeding information is their purpose.
So - about your notes. I can't tell you if they are correct about your script because I haven't read it.
But if you are getting notes like these, I'd suggest reading up on story structure, pacing, and have someone else read the dialogue to you out loud. Or record it. Dialogue should sound natural and conversational, all while being concise and still conveying the character's personality and unique speech patterns.
You NEVER want to make your reader stop and say, "Huh? What just happened? Did I miss something?" Or "Why does she talk like that?" Or "This is taking forever, I'm going to skip ahead." Especially that last one.
Those are story killers. So yes, pace, structure, dialogue - they matter. They matter a whole lot. But the best thing is, they are learnable.
Your subject matter... I can't speak on that except to pay attention to the market. What's selling, being requested heavy. Stage 32 posts a lot of updates here so keep an eye on the blog and the lounges.
You are asking all the right questions. Keep going!
Oh and I'm not a professional screenwriter. Just a writer. So. Take all of that with a grain of salt, spoon of sugar... Whatever tickles your pickle. Hope something in this helps!
7 people like this
Hi Nicolas, I'm not new to screenwriting, but am still an amateur. I've written 9 features, directed a completed feature, and have an MFA in Screenwriting. I've placed in a few different competitions with a few different scripts and have received a Double Recommend from Stage32 on 3 separate screenplays. So while I'm still in the same boat in that I am unsold and unrepped, I've worked in and around the industry for the past twenty plus years, eleven of those as a creative, the other in both international film sales and production/development. Having said that, here are my answers to your questions:
1) A lot of script readers try to be encouraging and highlight the strengths of your script. I wouldn't say they tend to exaggerate for sympathy, but it is always encouraged to include positive feedback. I wouldn't say to take it with a grain of salt, but definitely use that strength as a focus when pitching the project to producers/managers, etc., especially if you hear it from multiple readers.
2) I cannot emphasize this enough - dialogue and pace are two of the most important elements of your screenplay. These are the elements that will make your story three dimensional and bring your characters to life. It is what keeps the writer engaged and interested. Think of your favorite movies - do you really care what they are about? Or do you care about how much you like the characters and how the movie makes you feel when you watch it? If dialogue and pace/timing are where you struggle, go to as many open mic comedy shows as possible, learn what works with audiences and what doesn't work with audiences. Talk with the other aspiring comedians outside of the club and go to the diner with them at midnight to immerse yourself in dialogue. Your characters should talk how people talk and you should be able to know who is speaking without reading the name line. If you are unknown, know no one, and have no connections, managers today have zero tolerance for screenplays that are anything less than 99% ready for the marketplace.
3) The theme and genre of your film doesn't matter so long as you have a riveting and compelling story that is well written and engaging from beginning to end. Research the making of "The Sixth Sense" or other similar projects. It really doesn't matter what your movie is about so long as it leaves the reader with a lasting impression when they are done reading it. Focus on quality first and foremost, then worry about how best to find its place in the market. There are both producers and audiences for those kinds of stories, but I cannot emphasize enough how competitive it is out there. If you are unrepped/unknown you need to have a screenplay that is 99% market ready. Pitch, get notes, take notes, rewrite, rework, and do it all over again. There are very few people out there with the bandwidth to develop you as a writer no matter how good your concept is. It's 2025, you need to be the whole package.
I hope that helps, keep plugging away and watch all the movies from all the decades and keep building your network. Make a list of the perfect directors for your film, then watch all of their films and watch all of their favorite films. It'll give you something to talk about if anything moves forward. It's not a dream, it's a job, just keep working and it'll all come together exactly when it's meant to. All the best to you!
4 people like this
Hello,
As you mentioned it's a story related with childhood trauma and how does it affect the future. Basically your story has potential to connect with audience emotionally . I feel here you can craft it in such a way where 'show more tell less ' concept of screenwriting can be used. Actions of characters can reveal a lot about their psychology. Include this factor in the personality of that character and make it obvious for them.
This will also help you to balance pace of your story at the start as if it goes slow still audience is emotionally linked with the character's behavior and they are busy to feel it.
2 people like this
Hello Nicolas, and welcome to the community!
These are good questions.
1) I've gotten feedback from some competitions -- www.filmfreeway.com is a great resource for that -- and I choose to believe the judges are being honest with me; wondering about their motives gets me nowhere. But I would take the "award-caliber role" bit with a grain of salt. I don't have any Hollywood experience, but I bet there are a dozen or so scripts floating around right now with "award-caliber roles".
2) Dialogue and pace are important in a script, but since you're new to this, I would recommend focusing on just writing; learning will come in time -- if you're willing to put in the work.
But back to pacing. Every scene needs to advance the plot. If it doesn't do that, then we should learn something about a character. If it doesn't do that, then cut the scene, no matter how much you love it.
As for dialogue, I admit that's something I struggle with as well, so I really can't advise you much on that.
3) Film is art, which makes it highly subjective; some people eat up what you are writing, while others are bored to tears with it. However, stories like that tend to be what gets remembered come award season, so I say stick with it.
3 people like this
See where your writing stands right now so you can focus on what needs to be improved. I found noqueryletter.com to be a great platform that's free and you don't need a query letter or pitch.