Screenwriting : Breaking your own heart by Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

I've never cried at my own scenes, but all I can say is if you're that much into your scene, it's one to write. Be it the rush of a chase or the sadness of a death, if you feel it as much as your characters, write it and in that particular way.

I've teared up writing heavy scenes and climax scenes, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh.

Yes! In fact, I kind of feel like if I'm not crying, I haven't pushed the story far enough. (But I'm a highly sensitive person, so it doesn't take much--lol.)

Michael Dzurak absolutely, this scene was one I knew had to happen ever since TER when I noticed even the character was unwittingly foreshadowing it pretty heavily. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became that it needed to happen, and it even became clearer what I had to do to rewrite RoP (which actually foreshadowed it as well in the first draft). I think it’s also why I was so excited to write BoFS and why I powered through it like I did. Can’t wait to see how my table read actors feel about it!

Nice Maurice Vaughan. I’m usually not so easily swayed by my own writing, mainly because I don’t always write heavy stuff, but this time I definitely outdid myself lol

Erin Leigh lol I feel that. I’m usually excited to write juicy stuff, but I’ve never been the type to be a wreck after something I wrote. When writing Seed’s climax I was of course obsessed with it for a bit because it was infused with meaning and subtext, but BoFS honestly hit me so much harder.

what's BoFS?

2. I remember writing the breakup scene in the middle of DNC Chairman. Mike and Alice were on a vacation in Ireland staying at a cousin, when, in the middle of primary season, Mike gets a call that he needs to return back to Washington immediately to clean up a spat between his two leading candidates. Alice makes it easy for him because she sees the handwriting on the wall--no time for them, always gonna be the Party--and pushes him into leaving. But at the end, after Mike, driven by the campaign into a wall or a tree, is crippled amd convalescing in the hospital (ironic how the Party was then forced to not need him but he had already found a replacement in an autistic kid and become Gerri's campaign chairman, and a victorious election, Alice shows up in the hospital and agrees to marry him (the proposal he had kind of been backed into before the breakup)

Marc Ginsburg dang! That’s a very complex and affecting scene for sure!

And BoFS stands for The Ballad of Fallen Stars, my latest screenplay and fourth entry in the Finding Elpis series.

I generally feel sad for my characters, and I often choose to remove some of their suffering just to let them breathe.

But I came close to crying hard when I watched the scenes of my character Marianna’s autism experiment.

I created the images with ChatGPT and animated them with GROK, and the result was truly touching.

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh the ending of my third novel ‘The Forest Remembers’ (due out 2027) crushed me. I anticipate getting angry messages from readers, assuming it gets some!

Meriem Bouziani wow, sounds like it really would be! I have deep love for my characters, too, but if the story calls for it, I will put them through hell (I still found myself saying "I'm sorry, Shayde!" every time I detailed how much worse his curse got when rewriting VISION). In BoFS this another such instance.

Alex Hunter I feel that haha no one has read my novels yet in their entirety (partly because I'm not ready to share my best ones and partly because publishing is hard lol... and writer's block lol), but I imagine I'll also get angry messages if I do a good enough job. I'm deeply curious how my table read actors will react to BoFS's climax and ending, though, because this character has always been the trickiest one for me to write and is often overlooked by everyone I've shared the story with. Congrats on the release date! I'll be sure to read it :)

Yes, story logic matters — but I also think that the more chaotic a story becomes, the more shocking its impact will be.

And honestly, sometimes I imagine myself as the viewer and even I feel, “This is too much. I need to rescue these characters somehow.”

In The Silent PFC War, I first considered the idea that the brain damage might be permanent for newborns.

But then I thought, no — that level of chaos at the end is too much.

I can’t accept a long-term consequence where an entire new generation suffers severe cognitive damage, leading to a future humanity that is less intelligent and less creative.

Even in my imagination, I can’t accept a complete ending of human potential.

Meriem Bouziani I definitely respect that, and indeed it's quite the blackpill which naturally raises the stakes and forces you to care and save everyone. I'm also careful not to raise the stakes too high, because for me at least, too much chaos/bleakness will break suspension of disbelief and just look messy, even if it often plays that way in real life. Finding Elpis as a series is rich with lore and character drama, and BoFS especially has more of the latter. As such, I had to handle it all very carefully so the characters old and new stood out in their own right.

Yes, this is also an important point — everything must develop smoothly. Nothing should appear out of nowhere; we write for viewers who pay attention.

Your concept also feels strong, and I wish you the very best of luck in your writing journey Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

Thank you Meriem Bouziani, yup, I'm hoping Finding Elpis as a series is loved by readers/viewers for rewarding you for paying attention, since a lot of the foreshadowing is in often overlooked moments like errant lines of dialogue and other tiny, subtle details you'll catch on a rewatch/reread (part 1 is chock full of these so the sequels will all call back to it in some way; it's the dirt that bore them as seeds so they could bloom into beautiful flowers). Will keep working hard on it so it gets made one day in its entirety, even if I have to do it myself~

That’s exactly the beauty of developing a puzzle-like concept — nothing arrives all at once, and nothing is fully understood until the end, or sometimes not even until the fifth rewatch and a few YouTube breakdowns.

For me, The Silent PFC War is especially meant for a very specific person on Earth.

I hope he watches it one day, because in a way, I’m actually criticizing his work Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

I actually cried multiple times writing INSPIRATION INC. which was very shocking to me because I personally just don't cry much. But the story is very personal to me. I have a mild form of synesthesia and I don't create mental images. I can't visualize.

This is one reason I struggle with descriptions.

But by making my protagonist what she is, I was able to explore my little color quirk in a way that is, honestly and truly, striking to read. And it kicked me way harder than I expected. So, I cried. And talked myself out of crying. Then tried to reread back to catch the flow and cried again.

That's when you know it's got that magic. Good job. If it moves YOU, the writer... It'll move the reader. You did that. So whatever scene did that, keep it. It's got the sauce.

Agreed 100% Meriem Bouziani, and I definitely love a good puzzle myself. My best life's works, Petal and Finding Elpis, both have a jigsaw puzzle structure (Petal much more explicitly, and even then it's more of a broken jigsaw puzzle with a whole bunch of pieces either missing or misplaced, that nonetheless trusts you to complete the picture) and I feel it's the most/only natural and appropriate setup for both of them rather than a single, cohesive plot (which has definitely pissed a few people off in Finding Elpis's case lmao, God help them if I ever show them Petal). I took huge inspiration from Kunihiko Ikuhara, particularly Revolutionary Girl Utena, with which I can only hope I even manage the tiniest chip of commonality in terms of matching talent. You can rewatch the series endlessly, analyse every possible detail right down to the particles, and still find something new. I dunno if I can ever work with him, but Ikuhara-san would definitely be my dream director since I'm trying to emulate him anyway lol

Thank you, Elle Bolan, and you're 100% right, when you yourself are the most moved... your audience is sure to be, too. Sounds like you got a real gift with INSPIRATION INC., which is quite special and rare. I also don't cry much, certainly not over my own works (the few times I do cry over someone else's work, it's likely an anime/manga, or Persona 3 lol), but BoFS's climax, well before I wrote it, was clear to me as early as TER's climax, and I resisted it but when I read over how heavily it was foreshadowed, and reframed the prequels' points seeing the connections coming out... it was sealed lol. I was already both excited and scared to tackle it, and then when I wrote it... I swear something inside me changed. I'm even more determined to get this series made, my resolve even stronger that I'll take every single other one of my projects to the grave. Thought I was fired up before saying that, now I realise I'm extra serious lol

That’s so inspiring, dream big.

I hope you achieve it one day Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

Thank you, Meriem Bouziani, I hope so, too :) I'm accumulating pitch rejections, but I still have hope that my dream collaborators are out there and I'll find them. Finding Elpis itself is about dreaming big and getting even bigger rewards, so you can definitely see why I'm ready to keep everything else of mine to myself and have it be my one public contribution lol

Thank you very much Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

You're welcome, Meriem Bouziani~

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh, I feel that deeply. Every time I return to Soul Mated, my first screenplay, drawn from my own journey, it overwhelms me. In the rewriting and polishing, I’m swept through the whole spectrum: I cry, I laugh, I ache, I breathe it all again. It’s the only piece that leaves me utterly spent, yet alive in a way nothing else does. And now, five versions in, I finally feel ready to pitch it, proof of how much it has carried me, and how much I’ve carried it. So yes, I understand exactly what you mean, how a story can break your heart even as it belongs to you;))

That's amazing Sandra Correia, and exactly what I mean :) I'm reminded of this one line I'm definitely paraphrasing from a novel I read in university, pretty sure it was from Mist by Miguel de Unamuno, but I could be wrong (lol); "Hamlet made Shakespeare." That's definitely what happened with me and BoFS, maybe also what happened with you :) the best works are the ones that make you, not the other way around.

Likewise Banafsheh Esmailzadeh :)) As you say and I sign: “the best works are the ones that make you, not the other way around.“ We aren’t alone :))

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh Um..story of my creative life. I feel as I write, and it's just amazing when the connection is that strong.

Indeed we are not, Sandra Correia :) <3

Agreed Juliana Philippi. I of course get swept up in whatever I’m working on at the time but it was special this time with BoFS. I love my characters and this world I created for them to play in, that’s really the world I wish I lived in myself. Finishing the draft definitely changed my brain chemistry and unlocked something deep in me because you wouldn’t believe how fired up I am right now lol even with all the alarming amounts of bad sleep I’m running on since tackling it xD

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh That's how I feel too, and I'm so happy you are experiencing this magical moment. It's just another door, I think, opening you up more and more to bigger and larger creative processes.

Thank you Juliana Philippi, I think so, too. Lol and I really do wonder about potentially expanding the series into a heptalogy after all… but of course I’ll have to see how SiR at least turns out. Truth be told BoFS was such an emotional experience that the thought of the series ending at six entries seems a bit too soon xD

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh you need to take a deep breath and get your writing out there - you'll enjoy it!

Yes. Three days ago, was the last time, a cry/laugh at the same time. It's a good tool.

Thanks Alex Hunter, it’ll be a while until any of it is ready, but I’ll try :)

That’s awesome David Taylor, and very true.