In August I posted that an Australian production company asked for more details after I tried to sell my script to them. They are back, asking for still more details.
Those of you who like myself want to sell by sending a query letter, I hope you understand that you will have to answer similar questions.
The production company want me to improve upon my character descriptions.
Old character descriptions :
PAULINE (30) wants to obey her boss, but drinks too much
ALBERT (60) unselfish scientist who tries to stop fraud
MARLENE (20) considers fairness important
BERTHA (55) wants to find love, hates her former boyfriend Albert
GUNPOWDER (50) humiliated boss who wants revenge
Marlene's doppelganger CHARLENE is the last character
Here is what the company has written :
"A short paragraph about each character.
Who are the protagonists and antagonists?
What are their defining characteristics and what is their purpose?
Expand on what characteristics they have and what their main role in the film is, along with a description of their relationships with each other.
How would you differentiate Marlene and Charlene in terms of their physical appearance, personality, etc? As Doppelgangers, what makes them similar or different?"
There is room to write something 2-3 longer than I originally wrote. So here is what I plan to write instead, but feel free to improve upon the revised text :
PAULINE (30) is our protagonist, who wants to please her uncle and boss Gunpowder, but drinks too much.
ALBERT (60) unselfish math genius who tries to stop the fraud committed by his former girlfriend Bertha.
MARLENE (20) a rich heiress who considers Albert so valuable for her company that she gladly helps him.
BERTHA (55) a cheating professor who wants to find love, and hates her former boyfriend Albert.
GUNPOWDER (50) is our antagonist, a humiliated boss who wants to fool his niece Pauline to help him take revenge.
CHARLENE, Marlene's doppelganger, is the last character. She is in every detail identical to Marlene.
In the synopsis, further details are explained. I hope I can post logline and synopsis next week, for your comments.
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Hi, Göran Johansson. Dig into their histories, their lives, and the story to find things to add to the descriptions.
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I think I understand what you mean. More suggestions?
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Göran Johansson it's nice of this production company to work with you to develop your character descriptions like this. Normally, if they find that the pitch isn't complete, they'll just pass. I agree with them that the descriptions need a lot more fleshing out. How do the characters relate to each other? How does Pauline's drinking affect her ability to "please" her uncle and boss? And in what way does she want to please them? Give us a reason to care. If Marlene's doppelganger is identical to Marlene in every way, how is that interesting? If there's one thing that's different that drives the narrative, that's more interesting. Your revised descriptions are better, but still lacking depth.