Hi!
I wrote a logline for a screenplay. I appreciate any feedback.
Title: Deportation
Logline: When an ambitious FBI agent is tasked with leading a crackdown on undocumented migrants, she must decide if her love for a targeted immigrant outweighs her loyalty to the agency.
Thank you!
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Hi, Arturo Acevedo! I think you're close to a solid logline. I think the second part could be stronger. Something like "she must decide if she will help a targeted immigrant she loves escape or arrest him."
Or this: "Tasked with leading a crackdown on undocumented migrants, an ambitious FBI agent must decide if she will help a targeted immigrant she loves escape or arrest him."
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Thank you! I really appreciate it.
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You're welcome, Arturo Acevedo.
4 people like this
Its a good logline. One that would interest me to read the script
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Hi Arturo Acevedo! This is a strong, clear conflict. You’ve established a great 'impossible choice' for your protagonist.
To make it even stronger, you might consider adding a bit more 'stakes' or a ticking clock. For example, what is the immediate danger if she chooses her love? Or, is there a specific deadline for the crackdown that forces her hand?
Great title as well—it’s very direct. Keep up the good work!
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Try this: LOGLINE: When an ambitious FBI agent is chosen to lead a high‑profile crackdown on undocumented migrants, she must choose between her rising career and the immigrant she’s secretly fallen for.
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Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback!
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You're very welcome.