Screenwriting : Logline questions by Lisa Beuk

I have been told to think of the log line as that one sentence that they would put on the movie poster. So I would say definitely not. Your secret at the end should definitely be part of your hook and used in your pitch, but I say not in the log line.

Thank you David and Alle. I'd prefer not give away the reason my antagonist is after the family if I can avoid it. But wasn't sure if it is a rule of thumb to include it.

Hi Lisa! A logline is a super distillation of your story to get people to read it. It's not the same as what's on a movie poster. That's called a tag line. A logline should have (not necessarily in this order): Genre Protagonist Flaw Action Verb Inciting Incident or Major plot point Flaw Outer Journey Crisis/Conflict Realization of Inner Journey Personal action Along with: when where who / what why All in 60 words or less. Less is more. This is the logline for my grand prize winning screenplay, Todd McCoy’s Adventure West. After a selfish NYC street urchin discovers his friends are to be sold into servitude, he's thrown from a train in 1872 Wyoming and suddenly is faced with rivers, trees, Indians, mountain men, and kidnappers. He finds his true self by losing everything, then puts his life on the line to save his friends. (54 words) Here it is broken down. After a selfish (FATAL FLAW) NYC (WHERE) street urchin (PROTAGONIST & APPROXIMATE AGE) discovers (ACTION VERB) his friends (WHO) are to be sold into servitude (WHY), he's thrown from a train (MAIN PLOT POINT or INCITING INCIDENT) in 1872 (WHEN) Wyoming (WHERE) and suddenly is faced with rivers, trees, Indians, mountain men, and kidnappers (CRISIS/CONFLICT). He finds his true self by losing everything (REALIZATION), then puts his life on the line (PERSONAL ACTION) to save his friends (WHY/WHO). (In my case, the title and complete logline give a pretty clear idea of the genre without me having to state it. Still, I could say “A family action adventure about…” and still fall within 60 words. Now this gives a pretty good overview of the story without revealing everything, though it does reveal the major plot point. A fact about books and movies is that maybe one person out of 10,000 will see a movie or read a book where they don’t already know the story. Not necessarily the ending, but they know the basic through line. Loglines aren't for general public consumption, they’re for movie execs who could care less about spoilers. Still it doesn't mean you need to give away the precise ending. I don’t tell how Todd saves the day, just that he does. The idea is to tell enough to whet the appetite of the producer so he’ll be dying to read the script. Best of luck!

Lisa that's great that you have a major twist in the third act, that is close to a gotta-have for a thriller. Like Stuart said, the main goal of a logline though is to get someone (i.e. a producer) pumped to read it. If you have to put the third-act twist in the logline to get someone excited, then that doesn't bode well. The central premise should be intriguing enough on its own. Here's the logline for Orphan, a thriller with a memorable twist: A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be. It hints at the twist, but does not reveal it. You might want to check out the loglines for other films that have major surprise endings. The question I think you need to ask is - What's the simplest way to express the concept where (A) we can see the whole movie and (B) be excited to read it? Stuart goes deep into an approach where you have flaws and physical actions and such, which is a good thing to try but don't forget "Will Ferrell as a NASCAR driver" was all one person needed to get Talladega Nights read/made.

Yes, I agree, Dave, about major twists and that high concept loglines sell high concept scripts. In the case you described, it makes no difference whatsoever what the story is about. Snakes on a Train is another example. But for 99.99 % of writers out there, these types of loglines won't do because we're writing more in depth stories. Your logline has a great beginning, but it's only halfway there. It needs that memorable twist you're talking about. It's not there, sorry to say. ...a nine-year-old girl who recites the Karma Sutra backward while spinning in the air, is a memorable twist. We need to know what the danger is that the family is now in, and what they must contend with to get out of it. Best of luck with it.

I agree Stuart but lol i was giving an example of Orphan, a produced horror movie that made good $$ which I pulled off IMDB, not my script! But I agree that particular logline isn't the greatest (mine are much better don't worry).

You want to focus on the hook or high concept in your logline, not the twist end. So "After a past client kills himself, a child psychologist must help a very disturbed little boy who claims to see dead people". (Not great, that's off the top of my head and I needed more coffee.) The logline focuses on the high concept of THE SIXTH SENSE but doesn't contain the end twist... because the script is not the twist, it's the story leading up to that twist. You want to focus on that hook or high concept, which is what Dave said. You want a great story well told, and the idea is the great story part. When you distill your script down to a logline, it's all about that great story. Which is why you should spend the time to find a great idea before you write the script. Don't be afraid to come up with 100 ideas and throw away 99 to find the great one.

Hello Lisa, you got a lot of good advice here. I agree with David in saying no do not put your secret in your logline however I just wanted to clarify something the logline is not something you'd see on the movie poster, that is called the tagline. The logline is more like what you would read if you clicked the info button on your remote to see what the movie is about. I'm glad you asked this question because I was having the same dilemma.

Thank you ALL for the advise!! You all have made such good points and given me great advise!!