THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
MARY THE WONDERFUL SPIRIT.
By Redlly
SYNOPSIS:
In pursuit of spiritual enlightenment and boundless wealth, Captain James Jr. Reed, a fearless pirate, embarked on perilous voyages across the shadowy seas of the world, leading a band of like-minded adventurers known as the Sea Rats. Their ambitious aim? To confront a highly revered Spanish galleon, a quest shrouded in legends and tales of their haunted vessel, the Misty Queen. Little did they know, the ghostly apparition whispered of in ancient lore was not a malevolent spirit, but a remarkable and spirited woman named Mary, who had once struck terror into the hearts of even the most fearsome sailors.
To Captain Reed's astonishment, the legendary Mary materialized aboard their beleaguered ship, sparking a reunion that hinted at a deeper history between them. Amidst reunions, suspicions, and jubilations, their relationship embarked on a convoluted journey. However, it took a grave turn when Mary abandoned the ship, imperiling her fellow companions, for the Misty Queen could not sail without its soul. Simultaneously, a mutiny brewed, challenging Reed's authority.
The gravest threat came with the malevolent intervention of an evil raven, cursing Mary and alerting her to the impending peril aboard the Misty Queen. Her return ushered in a profound transformation, leaving the captain irrevocably changed. The enigmatic pasts of these two disparate beings, intertwined miraculously under the same banner for a second time, cast doubt upon the true intentions of this extraordinary spirit. As the forces of good and evil collide in close quarters, only one shall emerge triumphant, securing the final word in this high-stakes maritime saga.
Register / Log In
Rated this logline
2 people like this
Intriguing
1 person likes this
Lillie GG. Thank you. I hope we will watch MTWS in a cinema someday. Ha! Ha!
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
This sounds like an exciting story, Redlly! I think your logline has too many detailed/it's too long though. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar in the Stage 32 Writers' Room (www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Review-with...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc. Avoiding “must” isn’t a rule though.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
1 person likes this
Maurice Vaughan Oh bro thank you for the help, I'll edite it Rn!
1 person likes this
You're welcome, Redlly.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline