THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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THE SYRUP
By Bart Grieb
SYNOPSIS:
It is late in the evening and the customers have all gone home the employees rebel in a variety of funny ways. But when . A bottle of infected corn syrup is dropped. It infects the employees one by one turning them into deformed rabid creatures. Three thirty year old slacker employees fight off the infected employees and keep the syrup from getting out of the store. In the end. the evil corporation behind the infected syrup decides to spread the syrup all over the world it’s up to our three hero’s to stop them!
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A simple, fun escape from the day to day with a subtle message about the health concerns about high fructose corn syrup. I would make the stakes a bit more tangible or concrete.
What do you mean?
If the hero fails, the Syrup will “infect the world”. The logline is clear and engaging but gives up at the end. Why would the world end if it is ‘infected”? You are asking the reader to envision the downsides of an infected world.
Or, if the intended audience is adrenaline junkies, then it won’t matter what losing looks like. However, then the logline should perhaps give a sense of the fight scenes - the roller coaster ride.