THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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THE TOWN IS BROKE
By Gloria Salazar
In the broke town of Marshall, recently released prisoner Evan races to recover millions he buried beneath the football field, now marked for demolition by the corrupt Mayor. His rival: Police Chief Drew, once his friend and now in love with Evan's wife, Sue May. With time running out, both men must outsmart each other before the stadium-and their futures-go up in flames
SYNOPSIS:
In the financially desperate town of Marshall, recently released prisoner Evan seeks to recover millions he buried beneath the high school football field before it is demolished as part of a corrupt Mayor's insurance scheme. To get a job on the construction site, Evan reconnects with an old friend, Jordan, a laid-back pothead who becomes an unexpected ally. Under the cover of night, the duo searches for the hidden cash, but the Mayor has sinister plans in place.
On the night they finally uncover the stash, Evan and Jordan realize that the Mayor has rigged the gas line under the stadium to explode, disguising it as an accident. Meanwhile, Police Chief Drew, once a close friend to Evan and now an adversary vying for the affections of Evan's wife, Sue May, tracks them to the site. When they confront Drew, Evan's sense of loyalty battles with his instinct for survival. He and Jordan knock Drew unconscious to escape the impending disaster, but Evan can't abandon his former friend to a fiery fate. He gives Jordan the bag of cash, trusting him to look after both him and Sue May, and returns to rescue Drew just as the explosion occurs.
In the aftermath, Evan rushes back to the motel where Sue May works as a cleaning lady, urging her to leave with him immediately. However, their plans are thwarted when Drew arrives to arrest Evan, falsely accusing him of blowing up the stadium. Luckily, Fran, the elderly owner of the motel who has taken a liking to both Evan and Sue May, provides them with an alibi, frustrating Drew's efforts to apprehend Evan.
With Drew defeated, Evan and Sue May resolve to start fresh elsewhere. They stay one last night at the motel, but are surprised when Jordan reappears, cash in hand. They split the money, parting ways as they pursue their own paths. The next day, Fran discovers that Evan and Sue May have vanished but finds a generous $500,000 stack of cash left behind as a token of their gratitude for all she has done.
As the screen fades to black, a final scene reveals the corrupt Mayor in conversation with the town treasurer. He plans to use the insurance scam money to build a new stadium to boost his popularity for the upcoming election while skimming funds off the top. The Mayor's last words echo ominously: "Are you telling me the town is broke?" symbolizing a circular corruption that is about to restart.
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Gloria Salazar, great logline! It’s clear, character-driven, and packed with high stakes and personal conflict, all while setting the tone for a gritty, high-tension drama or action-thriller. The setup is strong. There’s a clear ticking clock with the stadium’s demolition, a compelling personal rivalry with emotional layers, and a corrupt town backdrop that adds intrigue. To push it to a perfect 5, you might consider tightening the phrasing slightly for rhythm or perhaps trim a word or two to enhance flow. For example, instead of “now marked for demolition by the corrupt Mayor,” you could say, “set to be demolished by a corrupt Mayor.” But overall, this is a compelling and marketable logline with a clear protagonist, strong antagonist, personal stakes, and a race-against-time element that draws you in. Great work!
Ashley Renee Smith Thank you. This script just got passed over by a production company that had asked to read it. They say it's not what they're looking for at the moment. They requested to read it, then turned it down. This is my first crime drama, and it doesn't seem to be going over too well. I reread it last night and decided my dialogue needs to be trimmed a bit, too. I'm starting to think it felt clunky in spots. I've been re-editing it all morning, over halfway finished, and I've changed at least one line in every scene, usually more. Anyway, the point of all that was to say I agree with you about the tightening of phrases and trimming of words for rhythm and flow enhancement.