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Tim Madison dreams of giving the sermon of a lifetime- the kind where people line up to be baptized at just the opening of his notebook. He has a vision that Jesus Christ Himself comes to his church to tell him that he's doing a good job, but when he blinks it's actually just a homeless man and the second biggest tither of the Meadow Valley Church. The church is in financial trouble and only has a few months before it will get sold in an auction, so Tim does what every good Christian should do- he prays! And like a holy magic, when he comes to church the next week the parking lot is supernaturally full of cars. However, they aren't there for Tim or his magical sermon- it's for a religious speaking engagement across the street. Their flyer says that people should park in the abandoned Meadow Valley Church parking lot. In a rage from the insult, Tim marches over to confront the encroaching venue. The person that he finds in charge is his old college buddy, Lance Goodwin, who has been wildly successful as a pastor peddling a simplified "Jesus loves me, this I know" version of the gospel. He owes all of his success to an advertising agency that changed his image and mission so that he could reach thousands if not millions through his best selling self-help books. Lance graciously extends his ad man's card and says that he'll put in a good word. Knowing that God works in mysterious ways, Tim takes this as a sign and follows up with the agency. Lance's ad man turns out to be a woman that goes by JJ. At first JJ rejects Tim but strikes a deal where she gets a good cut of the increase in tithe. Tim signs the deal hastily - while clinging on to the vision that his perfect sermon will touch thousands- if they could just hear it in the first place. Meanwhile, Skip, the homeless man that was mistaken for Jesus, gets diagnosed with lung cancer at a free clinic. He really doesn't have long to live without a miracle. Tim hangs out with his homeless friend Skip and tells him all about all of the exciting changes that are coming. Skip naturally is a little depressed after hearing the news of his imminent demise. Later Tim stays up late to see his first commercial- he recommended the use of angels for the ad, and JJ said she thought it was a good idea. At his ad's timeslot a sexy victoria secret style ad comes on and just as Tim is about to change the channel he realizes that it is an ad for the Meadow Valley Church. "If you've been naughty, come to Meadow Valley Church where ALL is forgiven." He's mortified and he calls JJ but chickens out when he gets her voicemail. The next time at church Tim is terrified of what his conservative members will think and say about the ad, but luckily none of them own a "Devil's picture box" and even better a bunch of new people showed up at church. Sure they are all sleazy men looking for babes, but they are there so Tim makes the most of it and puts on his best sermon in years and actually reaches one sleazy man. Things go well, and the church gets more members and the service and ads get more "wild". Tim spends all his extra money buying expensive suits and the conservative members get more and more uneasy. Tim pushes Skip further and further away from the building giving him volunteer positions that send him from the campus. The original church members confront Tim about all the "worldly" changes but he brushes them off- he argues with some of the same language that JJ has used to convince him to go along with the radical changes. Tim is about to go on stage when he spots JJ in the back- she's never been to church. Tim is so impressed that he decides to finally bust out his super sermon from his notebook. He goes out on stage and starts to deliver his "perfected" sermon but gets played off like an Oscar speech that's gone too long. From the back comes his old rival Lance Goodwin who will now be giving the sermon. Tim confronts JJ about the change and she says that the research has shown the lowest point of engagement is during Tim's sermons so they had to cut him. From there things get crazy. There are guns, a death, an epic battle using drum sets, electric guitars, organ pipes, and harps in the second half! If you'd like to know more email me at email@example.com
Screenplay available on request.