GENRE: Action, Drama, Thriller
LOGLINE:
Mild mannered FBI Agent Ben Winters and his disheartened partner battle the Chinese Mafia in hopes shutting down a case of sex trafficking.
Maybe it's me Kevin, but have you thought instead of declaring it's the Chinese mafia at the onset, make the antagonist even a less descriptive entity? Set up the focus on the suddenness of the Asian children and either their disappearance or their discovery as lost waifs, It may create more of a mystery element (it is the FBI after all- it's about investigating and revealing the crime). The conflict will come, yes, but don't tip your hand to the story too quickly. Just a humble opinion, just based on the logline.
Maybe it's me Kevin, but have you thought instead of declaring it's the Chinese mafia at the onset, make the antagonist even a less descriptive entity? Set up the focus on the suddenness of the Asian children and either their disappearance or their discovery as lost waifs, It may create more of a mystery element (it is the FBI after all- it's about investigating and revealing the crime). The conflict will come, yes, but don't tip your hand to the story too quickly. Just a humble opinion, just based on the logline.
Thanks.
Thanks Anthony.