Hey, Andrei Serac. Or What sounds interesting. Your logline is more of a pitch. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.

Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.

Hey Maurice Vaughan ,

Thank you kindly for taking the time to provide feedback. Much appreciated. Unfortunately, I'm not sure why it got saved that way, but corrected it and should look fine(r) now. Will keep in mind everything you touched on, sounds like great advice!

You're welcome, Andrei Serac. I think your logline is better, but I suggest giving the boy an adjective, and I think "gets taught the hard way that giving your mother attitude might turn out unpleasant" is vague.

"Hi Andrei!

I took a look at your screenplay, Or What, and I have to say—I was truly impressed. Your ability to draw the reader in immediately is a rare gift. I particularly loved the way you built tension through grounded, atmospheric details. You have a very clear voice and a great instinct for subverting expectations. Looking forward to discussing how that 'unsettling' energy could translate to my project!"