THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
COMMANDER FRANK
By Ole-André Rønneberg
Frank is dreaming of going to space, but has never left his mother for a single day.
SYNOPSIS:
We say that no man is an island. But in this case, Frank is an island on an island. He is 27 years old, and the rest of the ten people living on his island are aging. His mother does everything for him, except for delivering the groceries to the people, which is his day job. One day his mother has to leave him. Now Frank must learn some basic survival skills, and stretch his wings for the first time.
Register / Log In
1 person likes this
This certainly hints at an intriguing story, but this logline isn't doing enough heavy lifting. Loglines should inform the reader of some key story details (lead, conflict, stakes etc.) and be less ambiguous. Many early-draft loglines fall foul of being too vague as the writer is too focused on hiding information, and they end up obscuring so much that the story doesn't shine through.
Also: the phrasing and grammar isn't the best. The logline's syntax could do with some tightening.
If you'd like some further assistance with your logline, Ole-André Rønneberg, do by all means get in touch.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline