THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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THE SERVANTS
By Alex XOlo
SYNOPSIS:
When Lucifer is cast out of heaven once more, he comes to earth with one mission - to open the gets of hell. He is accompanied by his trusted associate Luciano. Five people: Adam, Andrea, Emily, Nathan and David are mysteriously given spiritual gifts to fight and stop the devil from opening the gates of hell but each member is fighting their own dark demons that come with the human life. Will they be able to put their differences aside and stop to the devil and his plans, or will he use the short comings of the five servants to his advantage and successed in opening the gate of hell? (Raw version of the pilot script)
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1 person likes this
Your logline needs to be more specific, it could fit a western, a horror, or a war movie as it is now. One of the unwritten rules of screenwriting is not to give characters a name with the same initials because the reader will get confused (Lucifer, Luciano; Adam, Andrea). Are the five people humans or fallen angels, that's not clear to me. What seems more high concept is that Lucifer got a second chance at heaven, (that hasn't been explored in a film that I can recall). There should be some unique specifics in there to make the reader want to read more. Also, in a synopsis, there are people descriptions rather than names (ie former priest, homeless man, ex CIA, drug-addicted nurse - that gives the reader a more vivid perception of who your characters are other than their names).
Oh thanks ... I Will definitely work on to make it more clear. Thanks..