An animated Pythonesque adaptation of Voltaire's classic 18th-century satire. While the period setting, pageantry, and blasphemous vulgarity are retained, much of the dialogue is presented in a modern vernacular that adds a pugnacious flair to the misanthropic black comedy of literature’s original magical fool!

SYNOPSIS:

Semifinalist in ScreenCraft Public Domain! Semifinalist in Script2Comic! Quarter-Finalist in Stage 32 Feature Comedy!

Voltaire’s 1759 novella “Candide” is considered a vital work of the Western literary canon. It is a picaresque tale, originally published under the pen name of “Doctor Ralph,” because the French satirist was scared shitless in fear of bloody reprisals and after-dark lynchings at the hands of religious fanatics, aristocratic greed-heads, and even his fellow practitioners of 18th century French Philosophy. The intellectual titan maintained this pseudonym for nine years. He knew that Candide’s story (with its cynical mix of disdain for religion, philosophy, the military, secular governance, even science – all while intermixing vulgarity and scatological humor with a matter-of-fact tone that borders on magical realism) would anger just the right people.

Some people know “Candide” from the Leonard Bernstein operetta. A few more for Terry Southern’s 1965 female reimagining, “Candy.” But most people know it as that skinny book they are assigned to read in 3 or 4 classes before the end of their freshmen year of college. All the students groan, even though the fucking thing is only 70 goddamn pages – plus it’s one of the few assigned books they can buy for a measly goddamn dollar.

Well I’ll tell you something – these ungrateful college-kid pricks should recognize that they have been scoffing at the opportunity to enjoy some high-grade raunch comedy. A teenage boy penetrating a freshly cooked pie, or even a grown woman using human jizzum as styling gel is NOTHING compared to a story that stars (among other characters) an elderly bastard daughter of the Pope who is missing an ass-cheek because it was amputated for food by the Ottoman army during a severe famine. And don’t even get me started on the sheer amount of characters whose dicks and noses are rotting away from the many untreated venereal diseases that were so common in the 18th century. Then add the fact that Candide was the first example of the Magical Moron character trope that has since blessed us with Chauncey Gardner, Forrest Gump, and even that delightful scamp Howard the Duck.

So for this reason, I set out to bring this wounded nation a new adaptation of “Candide” – one that would speak to the Adderall-riddled minds of today’s youth. While the original setting and whacky period costumes have been retained, much of the dialogue is presented in a modern vernacular that suggests it was written by a couple of pot-heads who hold a vague familiarity with that musical “Hamilton.” Yes, I have struck goddamn comedic gold! Irreverent Texas Tea!

Anyway, here’s a more traditional synopsis: When the happily naive Candide is separated from the love of his life, Cunegonde, he drifts through Europe and the Americas trying to find her. Encountering friendly tribes, dishonest soldiers, treacherous Frenchmen, and even religious Inquisitions, Candide somehow always manages to survive, primarily due to his sheer stupidity. Along the way, our hero befriends a pantheon of odd strangers, and he begins to doubt that life is as ideal as he had once believed. Will a reunion with his beloved Cunegonde restore his former happiness, or is he merely doomed to a life of misery like every other human being?