Hey Filmmaking Lounge,
This week, my creative growth showed up in a place I didn’t expect: learning to loosen my grip on control and trust my collaborator.
It’s no secret that many creatives, especially writers, have a bit of a control streak baked into our personalities. We care deeply. We see the whole picture in our heads. And we often feel responsible for protecting the vision at all costs. But film and television are collaborative mediums at their core. They only truly work when the right people come together, trust one another, and build something collectively.
My greatest collaborator has always been my husband, Jordan. We’ve been best friends since we were 12. In film school, we were a well-oiled team: I produced, he DP’d, and we shared an unspoken shorthand that made collaboration feel effortless. That trust has always been there, creatively and personally.
We just moved into our first home, and hit the ground running with projects we wanted to tackle early: installing a dog door for our little guy, hanging a pendant light over the dining table, and tackling small upgrades that help a house start to feel like home. Jordan comes from a family of farmers and construction workers, and he has a natural instinct for building, fixing, and figuring things out. I’ve always trusted him with projects I’d normally call a professional for… until this one.
“I’m going to drill a hole into the granite countertop and install a reverse osmosis water filter,” he said casually.
All I could see was our brand-new, beautiful granite cracking straight down the middle.
I panicked. I questioned it. We argued, more than once. I surprised myself with how hard it was to let go. But eventually, I had to make a choice: hold tighter to fear, or trust the collaborator standing right in front of me.
He nailed it.
The install is flawless. The water is incredible. And the lesson landed hard: I don’t know everything. Sometimes growth comes from stepping back, letting go of control, and allowing someone else’s expertise to lead. When we trust our collaborators to take risks, problem-solve, and push their limits, the outcome can be better than anything we imagined on our own.
So I’m curious:
Where in your creative life are you being asked to loosen control a little?
Have you had a moment where trusting a collaborator led to unexpected growth or a better result than you planned?
What are you doing currently to challenge yourself to learn and grow?
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Hey, Ashley Renee Smith. Congratulations on your creative growth! I learned to loosen control when I started writing scripts for producers and directors.
There's been moments where I trusted co-writers on things in scripts that I didn't think would work, and they ended up working.
I'm trying new things with scenes in my scripts.
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I find reflections like this more useful that "New Year's Resolutions." Looking back on what we should be appreciative of and what we learned, really helps us to realise where we are on our journey.
I have learned that I also need to let go and allow others in to help me on the journey. I keep trying to do all the work, but it is more efficient to work with other people.
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I recently watched an interview with Quentin Tarantino in which he discussed the importance of alignment in collaboration. Alignment creates a sense of creative safety and allows one to let go. I'm pushing myself to learn the difference between alignment and agreement. Agreement is when one has the same opinion as someone else. Alignment is when one has the same vision but may not agree with execution or path to the goal, and that's ok. This is where I believe in the importance of collaborating with people who are wise and skilled and care enough about the vision to take it where it needs to go, not where you think it should. That takes maturity, self-esteem, and letting go of the one thing that plagues all creatives... perfectionism.
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How are you Ashley and Everybody ? Thanks for sharing your film and tv adventures
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I'm doing great, Erik Stahl. Hope you are too!
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Congratulations on the new house and how well it's going! I definitely appreciate how film is a group project inherently, and so far the most significant exercise in letting go for me was Finding Elpis's table reads. Sometimes the actors felt disconnected from my characters, other times it was like the role was made for them. And still other times they weren't what I had in mind but they surprised me because of how well their interpretation fit. For example, in TER's read I meant for Phi calling Tiriya "old man" to be mainly ironic because in my head he looks and acts like Freddie Mercury who never got old lol but his actor did a fantastic job actually playing him as an old man that he was one of the standouts of the read (he made him sound even older in BoFS's read and it was delightful and even more comedic). Similarly with Raziel's actor in BoFS making him sound subtly menacing/unsettling worked extremely well (I did tell him that Raziel is beautiful and kind but still makes you feel like you're face to face with a biblical angel). Unsurprisingly as the writer the world and characters are my children so it's very hard to let go of that protective streak lol but I am always open to having my mind changed if I really like someone else's idea. They just have to be very good ideas :P
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Collaboration skills are a great asset to have. Maintaining flexibility in your game plan is likewise helpful. It's good to lead and insist on your place, yet be open working with others and knowing when to partner up has been a longtime helpful position both for myself and others.
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Love this reflection. The granite story is a perfect metaphor for creative collaboration. Sometimes you have to trust expertise even when you can't see the outcome yet.
That said, I'd add this: you can trust and still quality-check. Trust doesn't mean blind delegation. It means being on the same page about the vision, the plan, and the standards before you let go. The best collaborations happen when everyone understands the goal, communicates clearly about how to get there, and respects each other's process.
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Maurice Vaughan we are good
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We back filming &
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We back Monaco Filming
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I love this post Ashley. I have to admit that when I let go of creative control for a feature film that I have going into production this month it ended up making the script much easier for us to be able to shoot. It was a great collaboration between the producers, the writer and the director that made a good project great.
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Maurice Vaughan I love this so much, and thank you. That shift you’re describing is a huge one.
Learning to loosen control when writing for producers, directors, or co-writers is no small feat, especially when you care deeply about the work. But those moments where something you were unsure about does work? That’s where real growth lives. It’s such a powerful reminder that collaboration doesn’t dilute a vision; it often sharpens it in ways we couldn’t have reached alone.
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Kevin Jackson, I couldn’t agree more. Reflection has a way of grounding us in reality, not pressure, and it gives us context for where we actually are, not where we think we “should” be. That realization about letting others in is such an important one. So many creatives carry the weight of doing everything themselves, often out of necessity at first, and then out of habit. But collaboration isn’t just more efficient; it can be more sustainable, more energizing, and ultimately more fulfilling.
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Brandy Camille, this is such a thoughtful distinction, and honestly, a really mature one to articulate. That idea of alignment vs. agreement is powerful. Agreement can feel safe on the surface, but alignment is what actually allows collaboration to breathe.
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You're welcome, Ashley Renee Smith. Thanks. You're right. And I love when a producer, director, or co-writer comes up with something I didn't think of or something that makes what I came up with even better.
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Erik Stahl, I'm doing great, thank you for asking. I'm glad to hear you're back to filming. Are you working on a short or a feature?
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Banafsheh Esmailzadeh, thank you so much, and I really love this reflection.
Table reads are such a vulnerable and revealing moment for a writer. You’re absolutely right, hearing your characters embodied by others can feel like handing your children over to the world for the first time. That push and pull between what you imagined and what shows up in the room can be jarring, but when it clicks, it’s magic.
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Jack Binder, this is such a grounded and generous perspective.
That balance you’re talking about, knowing when to lead, when to insist on your place, and when to open the door to collaboration, is a real skill, and one that takes time to learn. Flexibility doesn’t mean a lack of conviction; it means understanding that the strongest game plan can evolve when the right people are brought into the room.
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Geoffroy Faugerolas, You’re absolutely right that trust and quality control aren’t opposites. Trusting a collaborator doesn’t mean disappearing or disengaging; it means aligning on the vision, expectations, and standards before the work begins. That shared clarity is what allows everyone to move forward with confidence instead of fear.
And in the case of my countertop, that’s exactly what helped me let go. I took the time to ask Jordan questions so I could fully understand the plan, I did my own research to learn more about the process, and that extra context helped me see both where the risks were and why they were manageable. Having more information didn’t undermine trust, it strengthened it. It allowed me to have faith in his experience and judgment rather than projecting worst-case scenarios.
I also love how you framed trust as informed delegation.
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Amanda Toney, I love this example so much! Thank you for sharing it.
What you’re describing is such a powerful reminder that letting go of creative control doesn’t mean lowering the bar. In your case, it actually elevated the project. When producers, the writer, and the director are aligned and working in true collaboration, practicality and creativity stop fighting each other. The result is a script that not only reads well, but shoots well, and that’s such an underrated win. It’s a great reminder that filmmaking is at its strongest when every voice at the table is trusted and empowered to contribute their expertise.
Wishing you an incredibly smooth and exciting production month. I cannot wait to hear how it all comes together!
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You're welcome, Ashley Renee Smith, and thanks as well. It really is an emotional experience and as of BoFS's it hit me that all the actors who've ever been in the table reads are part of the journey now, they're all involved even if all they did was read some lines. Can only imagine what the table reads for the actual final product will be like :x
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This is such a valuable post, thank you for sharing Ashley Renee Smith! That story about trusting your husband with the granite is the perfect metaphor for creative collaboration. My personal challenge is learning to pull away from daily distractions and truly lock into creative mode. For me, growth is about feeding the brain with new perspectives to keep my creative energy sharp and engaged, it's one of those non-tangible goals that needs to be checked mentally. Letting go is a timely reminder that the best work often happens when we trust the room and the talent around us!
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Ashley Renee Smith I am making new episodes for Always With You My Love. My costume Designer is Marilyn Vance , she was the costume designer of Pretty Woman, The Breakfast Club .
I play as a Russian doctor named Ravinov https://www.imdb.com/title/tt32702921/?ref_=ext_shr
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Sam Rivera, I love how you framed that. Feeding the brain really resonates. That mental shift into creative mode can be one of the hardest parts, especially when daily noise keeps pulling at your attention.