I am John Rachel and I'm so boring I fall asleep just looking at my own name. Other than writing novels and political rants, I collect string. I have a ball of string over 8 feet in diameter in my garage. Now I have no place to park my 1972 Dodge Dart Charger. The neighbors are complaining that it's an eyesore sitting out front by the curb and there are over a dozen crosses burning on my front lawn as I post this introduction.
Writing has been great therapy. Because I read so much in high school, I became physically very weak. This finally resulted in my getting a hernia from just lifting my eyebrows when I noticed two of my tropical fish were writing on the inside of their tank in Yiddish. I’m now collecting disability and confined to a hammock in my back yard, which gets rather problematic when it snows. I keep a shotgun by my side to take care of the "crow problem".
My novels are gritty and reality-based. But the reality is entirely manufactured. I have no television, thus have no way of comprehending the world. Readers often complain that my novels seem contrived, for example, having a main character eat toast with butter and napalm, then turning into a nuclear reactor which melts down and becomes an angel which spreads peace across the planet until it is pulled over by a motorcycle cop and beaten into shards of clear noodles which then escape by retreating into the cracks in the pavement. That particular plot line is from a love story — a 3,267-page romance novel I’m very proud of! It’s called Fifty Shades of Pubic Hair.
Please visit my author page at Amazon ... http://www.amazon.com/John-Rachel/e/B007V09T36 ... where you will find encrypted messages about how to prevent being infected by the brain-eating viruses the federal government has insidiously put into scratch-and-sniff coupons and smeared onto the hand grips of shopping carts at Walmart.
Or you can go here to follow my evolving world view … http://jdrachel.com.
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Well, that's an attention grabbing introduce yourself post! Glad to have your creativity here.
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Thanks, Amanda! Hopefully it caused a few brief smiles.
Happier for meeting you John!
So are the strands still trapped beneath the surface, unrequited?
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When they start an Introduce Yourself hall of fame, this needs to be first ballot.
You think you have it bad. I make sculptures from my own ear wax. My last job was watchingwet paint to make sure it dried right.
Oh, another normal one in here.