I felt overwhelmed by writing a screenplay, so I thought I'd write a normal - without rules - script so that I'm able to put my story together. I'd like anybody to give me some feedback, I really don't know if I'm doing this right.
Note: English is not my first language, so any extra vocabulary to make it richer will make pleased
Here is the script:
Adam runs out of the Metro station and towards his house through the streets of New York.
His mom greets him. “I hate her”, thought Adam, “I hate her so much.” He nods and smiles at her then heads towards the bathroom to have a shower.
He leaves the bathroom and sits on a chair in front of a computer in his room. He sighs and leans backwards on his chair. Swiftly, he snatches his phone from inside his bag and dials a number.
“Hey, Adam.”
“Hey, James.”
“Soooo.. How was it?”
“I could get used to it, I guess.”
“That’s the spirit. That’ll definitely up your chances, I’m sure.”
“So how long till she notices? I’m getting impatient already.”
“COME ON, ADAM. It’s still your first time. It’ll.. It’ll take time. Muscles need time, you know.”
“Are you sure it even works? I’m sure girls think about personality too.. Right?
I mean.. Right?”
“You are not that charming, Adam.”
“Fuck you.”
“Woah, chill man. I was kidding.. You still have to put in some work too. Looks make a difference too.”
“I have to go, James. Night.”
“Good N-”
Adam sighs again and leans backwards. His hair dripped with water. He glances at his backpack while looking at his computer. The straps look like they’ve been eaten by a rat.
Adam stares at the screen then jumps towards it and starts typing.
“How to know if your crush likes you?” He asks Google. As if google could help him. Adam stares into the abyss again, then instantly he awakes and starts typing.
“How to make your crush break up with her boyfriend”
“That’s not right. I shouldn’t do that.” he says to himself.
Adam furrows his eyebrows - he shuts down his laptop.
Adam pulls up a text book from his backpack. Then another. Another one. He does it a couple of times actually.
CUT TO:
Adam has all of the books open around him, a pen in his hand and a focused stare. He is writing in a notebook. The pen is full of marks from his mouth - he bites it often.
Adam changes his sitting position a couple of times.
It is like a montage, the hours go by.
We cut to him sleeping in his bed, his back to the camera. Lights off.
However, his eyes are open. He blinks then closes them good night.
NEXT DAY:
We are in a building’s hallway. Students are passing by, some walk together. Some walk in the opposite direction. All in groups of 2 or 3. Through the passing crowd, Adam appears, he is standing.
Adam is just standing, wearing his backpack. Then he shifts to wearing it on one strap only. Adam is not leaning on a wall or posing in any other way. He is just standing in the middle of the hallway. Nobody seems bothered though, everybody is passing him by, as if he is a wolf among the sheep.
Adam smiles, just one side of his mouth smiles.
We see James coming towards him.
“Do not ever do that again,” James says.
“Do what?”
“Hang up while I’M CLEARLY TALKING!”
“Stop being sensitive, man, you were just saying good night.”
“Did you talk to her?”
Adam looks at James with his eyes only, his facing forwards.
“Adam, you cannot ask her out by bluetooth, you gotta TALK”
Adam is totally silent, not a word.
James pulls him from the back of his bag towards an empty classroom.
“We aren’t doing this again.. Are we? Please, not again,” Adam says.
“We ARE doing it again, this time it’ll work.”
They’re sitting down in front of each other on wooden chairs. Whispering.
“The plan is simple. You do what you’re good at. Today, we have an exam, so you offer to help Maeve with revision before you enter. We still have one hour before the exam starts. All right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Good. Now go go go!!” James hurries Adam out of the classroom and into the hallway again.
“The target is there, look!” James whispers.
“Adam’s face reddens a bit, then he moves towards Maeve.”
She is fucking beautiful. Her dark brown hair and equally dark brown eyes. Her special smile, the way she curls her lips. She even looks stunning when she is angry, how could anybody be mad at her? How could someone have such clear and white skin? Her skin is like the surface of the moon. Her laugh, O her laugh.
“-Adam. ADAM.”
“I told you to shut the hell up James -”
That’s her. It’s her. Maeve. It wasn’t James you idiot.
“Oh.. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“What did you want, you’ve been staring at me for the past minute, that’s creepy, “ Maeve snaps.
“Have you seen my backpack by any chance?” Adam thinks fast.
“The one you’re wearing? Stop messing around,” Maeve turns around and leaves.
He doesn’t know what happened. She said he was creepy. He’s dead. He will never be with her. Jordan has a crush on her, and he looks a thousand times better than him -
“For fuck’s sake, Adam! Will you answer me!!?” James whispered.
“Yeah, what?”
“What the hell did you do? She looked angry.”
James opens his mouth again to say -
“I don’t wanna talk about it, please James. I’ve had enough. Let’s go to the exam hall.”
James closes his mouth. James then follows Adam and gives him a look of empathy.
BEFORE THE EXAM STARTS:
Adam sneaks a look at Maeve from across the exam hall. That lucky fucker Jordan is sitting next to her - and talking to her too. Why are the gods against him?
When Adam receives the exam paper, his eyes go from dreamy to focused. His face doesn’t really differ that much. He always looks the same.
AFTER THE EXAM:
Everybody is leaving the exam hall.
THUD.
Adam bumps into Maeve. What are the chances?
“I’m sorry,” says Adam.
“Don’t be,” she turns around.
“How was the exam, the chemistry exam, by the way?”
She looks at him again.
“I mean, yeah, it was good. I wished I’d studied harder though.”
“Do you want to revise some Physics with me?”
“Why?”
Think fast.
“I’m good at Physics..?”
“Yeah, you are. Alright then, we’ll meet today, at the school library. 4pm. See ya!”
“Yeah, yeah. See ya.”
That was good.
“What the fuck Adam. You actually did it, “ said James who popped out of nowhere as soon as Maeve left.
“YOU ACTUALLY DID IT!!” James hugs Adam and carries him.
Shit. What’s he doing here?
“Adam. I want to study too,” said Jordan.
“Um. Yeah. I don’t give private lessons, “ said Adam.
“I just heard you talking to Maeve. Don’t lie. I just want to revise, “ Jordan grins.
Sneaky fucker.
“Alright then. Today, 4pm at the library.”
What did I do, what did I do?? Did I just invite my nemesis to the date I just got? I’m such an idiot. Oh god, no.
“Adam. You just fucked it up. You’ll be watching them kiss all day, have fun.
“Shut up, James.” Adam frowns.
3PM AT ADAM’S HOUSE:
“I don’t know Adam. That’s very formal.. Be more.. Casual” said James, looking at Adam wearing a suit and a tie.
“You’re right..” said Adam slowly checking himself out in the mirror, “but I like it.”
“You want HER to like it, it’s not about you.” said James.
“Alright. You dress me then.”
“I thought you wouldn’t ask” says James enthusiastically as he opens Adam’s closet.
3:30 PM AT THE LIBRARY:
“I’ll leave now. Good luck.” says James.
“See ya. By the way, Mario Kart, tonight?” says Adam.
“Yep, and tell me all about it.”
“Roger that.”
Adam sits in the library among the castles of books, waiting eagerly. It’s getting hot by the second as 4PM approaches.
5PM OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL:
Where did I go wrong? Was she only teasing me? I thought.. I thought this was it, but no. Only Jordan was there ON TIME. The peculiar thing is.. Jordan actually revised with me, he was pretty good. Better than I thought. I didn’t actually need the revision. I needed Maeve.
Adam finds himself in a street. A street he has never seen before. There was nobody there. Only him and the crickets. He was so deep in thought, as usual, and he ended up lost.
He checked his phone. Nothing, Google Maps won’t open. Shit.
CLICK
Something stings on Adam’s neck. He loses balance.. And then sleeps on the concrete.
AFTER SOME TIME: UNKNOWN NUMBER OF HOURS, OR MINUTES HAVE PASSED
Green
All I see is green.
I’m floating.
I refocus. People walking around him. White long jackets. Lab coats. Clickity-clack, pens.
What the hell.. I can’t move.
Muffled noises. It’s uncomfortable. I want to hear.
“For how long did you inject the serum?”
“2 hours sir. He is resilient”
“Perfect, keep going. Heart status?”
“Steady, sir. 66 BPM and normal blood pressure.”
“When can we test him?”
“We need more time. He is still unconscious.”
I’m not unconscious. My eyes are only closed.
I don’t like it here. I need to leave. My mom will be worried. She worries about everything.
“Heightened BPM, sir.”
Please, I don't like to be a besserwisser, but I find it better to explain, than pretend that all is fine. There are problems at the start.
The audience doesn't know what Adam thinks. They only know what he says and what they can guess from his acts and facial expressions. So they don't understand that he hates his mother.
Telephone calls typically work poorly in films.
Normally, a character is not talking to himself.
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I get what you mean, and you are absolutely right. However, I said that wasn't the 'actual' screenplay. I was just jotting down how the plot would go, just like the frame for the story, before I write the actual thing. I think inner monologue isn't used usually, but it can still work here, and since this work isn't done yet, I could always change it a bit and make him "show" what he's trying to say.
Thanks.
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I hope this helps! REWRITE: “ADAM, VERSION 2.0”
EXT. NEW YORK CITY – LATE AFTERNOON
ADAM explodes out of the subway station, legs pounding pavement. He zigzags through a sea of indifferent New Yorkers, fueled by embarrassment and adrenaline.
INT. ADAM’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
His MOM looks up from her tablet.
MOM
Hey, honey. You’re home early.
Adam forces a smile.
ADAM (V.O.)
I hate her. I hate her so much.
He bolts down the hall.
INT. BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Steam rises. The sound of a hurried shower. A desperate rinse, like he’s scrubbing off the day.
INT. ADAM’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Still dripping, Adam collapses into his chair. He grabs his phone, dials.
JAMES (V.O.)
Yo, Adam! What’s up, gym rat?
ADAM
I could get used to it... maybe.
JAMES
Hell yeah. Buff body, confidence boost. Girls love that.
ADAM
When do they start noticing?
JAMES
Muscles don’t show up overnight. Neither does attraction. Chill.
ADAM
You sure personality matters?
JAMES
You don’t have much of that either.
ADAM
Dick.
JAMES
Just being honest. Looks help, but effort counts too.
ADAM
I gotta go.
JAMES
Night, Romeo.
Adam tosses the phone, exhales.
He stares at his worn backpack — one strap nearly chewed off. He turns to his computer.
Googles:
“How to know if your crush likes you.”
Then:
“How to make your crush break up with her boyfriend.”
He stops. Shakes his head.
ADAM
Nope. That’s twisted.
Laptop shuts.
He pulls out textbooks. One by one. Until the desk is a fortress of frustration.
MONTAGE – NIGHT STUDY GRIND
– Pen clenched between teeth
– Notes scribbled in a storm
– Positions changed, moods shifted
– Hours vanish
INT. BEDROOM – LATE NIGHT
Adam lies still, lights off. Eyes open. Blink. Then shut. Finally, rest.
THE NEXT DAY
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – MORNING
Crowds blur past in buzzing cliques. Adam stands still in the center of it all, not leaning, not cool — just existing. Backpack shifts to one strap.
He smiles slightly. Not happy. Just... hopeful.
JAMES (O.S.)
Never hang up on me again.
ADAM
It was bedtime, not a deathbed. Relax.
JAMES
Did you talk to her?
Adam side-eyes him, no words.
JAMES
Bro. You can’t flirt via osmosis. Use. Words.
James yanks him into an empty classroom.
INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM – CONTINUOUS
ADAM
We’re not doing another operation.
JAMES
We are. Today’s exam day. Offer to help Maeve study. Boom: instant connection.
ADAM
That’s it?
JAMES
That’s it. Go, soldier. Win her heart — through Physics.
INT. HALLWAY – LATER
Adam walks toward MAEVE. She’s incandescent. A girl you don’t describe — you orbit.
ADAM (V.O.)
Her laugh could end wars. Her skin is pure moonlight. Even when she’s pissed, it’s poetry.
MAEVE
Adam?
He snaps out of his daydream.
ADAM
Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean—uh... Have you seen my backpack?
MAEVE
The one on your back? Genius.
She walks away.
JAMES (O.S.)
Creeped her out again?
ADAM
Please don’t talk.
They head to the exam hall, silent.
EXAM HALL – LATER
Adam sneaks a glance. Maeve. Talking to Jordan. Confident, perfect Jordan.
He gets his exam paper. Something shifts. His game face drops. Focus.
AFTER THE EXAM – HALLWAY
He accidentally bumps into Maeve.
ADAM
Sorry.
MAEVE
Don’t be.
ADAM
How’d Chem go?
MAEVE
Could’ve studied more.
ADAM
Want to review Physics later?
MAEVE
Why?
ADAM
I’m kind of good at it?
A pause.
MAEVE
Alright. School library. 4PM.
She walks off.
JAMES (O.S.)
DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?
James bear-hugs Adam.
JORDAN
Mind if I join?
ADAM
...I don’t do group sessions.
JORDAN
I’ll be there anyway.
ADAM (V.O.)
Oh no. What did I just do?
3PM – ADAM’S HOUSE
Adam is wearing a full-on suit.
JAMES
Dude. You look like you’re about to give a TED Talk.
ADAM
I like it.
JAMES
She has to like it. Change. Now.
James raids the closet.
3:30PM – LIBRARY
Adam sits among book towers. Nervous.
JAMES
Mario Kart tonight?
ADAM
If I survive.
James disappears. Adam waits.
5PM – OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL
ADAM (V.O.)
She didn’t show. Just Jordan. And somehow... he was actually cool.
Weird.
Still, Maeve didn’t come.
EXT. SIDE STREET – SUNSET
Lost in thought, Adam wanders... somewhere unfamiliar. The street’s empty. Air too still.
His phone’s dead. No GPS. No help.
CLICK.
A sharp sting at his neck.
His legs buckle. Darkness falls.
INT. UNKNOWN FACILITY – UNKNOWN TIME
Green light. Echoes. Fluorescent flicker. White lab coats float past.
Adam’s strapped to a table.
SCIENTIST 1
Two hours of serum. He’s tougher than expected.
SCIENTIST 2
Vitals steady. 66 BPM.
SCIENTIST 1
Let’s prep for testing.
SCIENTIST 2
Still unconscious.
ADAM (V.O.)
No. I’m awake. I just can’t move.
His breathing quickens.
SCIENTIST 2
Heart rate climbing.
ADAM (V.O.)
I need to get out. I need—
✨ SUGGESTIONS TO MOVE FORWARD:
Act II Twist: Lab Escape or Awakening
Have Adam wake up mid-procedure. Either he escapes, or he begins to manifest strange physical/mental abilities — perhaps hyper-intelligence, or the ability to process information at insane speeds.
Tie this to the earlier setup: the obsessive studying, the emotional trauma, and insecurity — all becoming enhanced.
Double Life Conflict
Adam returns to school acting “normal,” but is now altered. He struggles to hide it. Some of Maeve’s behavior now becomes suspicious. Could she be tied to the experiment?
Bigger Questions Unfold
Was he chosen randomly... or targeted? Does the serum unlock potential, or suppress it?
Is Jordan also being monitored?
Secret Organization Arc
Introduce a resistance group or an ex-scientist who helps Adam unlock the truth about the experiments. Think The OA meets Chronicle.
The Inner Monster
Let the emotional core of the story remain: Adam's craving to be seen and loved—and what happens when he finally is... for the wrong reasons.
Yes, I use AI, and it's not rude to ask. It took me three years and hundreds of hours to train my chatbot to do the level of analysis and writing that you witnessed. Keep going, you're on your way to a great Movie! Need more help, let me know.
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Hey, Adam Waly. I think it’s a great idea to write a script without rules so you’re able to put your story together.
Here’s my feedback for when you format your script. Also, I suggest using a screenwriting program to format your script. WriterDuet is easy to use. You can write three scripts with it for free, then there’s a low monthly fee. www.writerduet.com
I like what you wrote. It’s a good start. My favorite part is “He asks Google. As if google could help him.”
I suggest describing the locations. Describing locations in scripts helps pull the reader in, and you can reveal things about the story and the characters by describing the locations.
Put Adam’s name in all caps when you first introduce him in the script. Do the same thing for all major characters and characters who talk.
I also suggest describing your characters' personalities when you first introduce them in the script. Describing a character’s personality can give the reader insight into the character. And their appearances and clothes/accessories if those things are important to the story. You don't have to take a lot of space describing their personalities, appearances, and clothes/accessories.
“Adam runs out of the Metro station and towards his house through the streets of New York.” When you change locations in a script, add a new scene heading.
You don’t have to put “CUT TO:” in a spec script, which is what this script is. “CUT TO:” is more for shooting scripts. Some writers put “CUT TO: in spec scripts, but spec scripts read better without it in my opinion. You could just start a new scene with a new scene heading instead of writing “CUT TO:”
I like to outline my scripts before writing them. Outlining makes it a lot easier for me to write scripts. I don’t know if you outlined your script or not – or if you want to outline it – but here’s a webinar on outlining I suggest checking out: “Outlining Your Feature Screenplay” www.stage32.com/education/products/outlining-your-feature-screenplay
I also suggest reading scripts. It'll help you learn how to format scripts and get better at writing them. You can read scripts at www.stage32.com/loglines and www.nyfa.edu/student-resources/10-great-websites-download-movie-scripts.
Some of the scripts on sites like IMSDB and Go Into the Story might be shooting scripts. Shooting scripts have things that spec scripts don't have, like camera angles, but some writers put camera angles in their spec scripts.