Working on my treatment before starting preproduction and adding the logline to it. I'd appreciate any and all feedback about my logline so far. Thank you so much. "THE TRIGGER is a dramatic web series that asks the question how far would a person go to change fate when dozens of lives are at stake? After a local girl is murdered, a group of college students are forced into each other's lives and their inner demons exposed. They must put their differences aside to discover the truth behind the girl's death and stop a tragic school shooting before their own lives are lost. "
Screenwriting : Logline Opinions. by Austin Lance
Logline Opinions.
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Cameron: Your logline is really a short synopsis. A good logline is about 30 words and you have 75. See if you can say the same thing in one sentence. Try something like this. Note the logline below is 31 words. When a local girl is butchered, a collection of college students join together to stop a killer from committing a mass murder while risking their own lives and fighting personal demons.
Great advice. Any suggestions to point me in the right direction?
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Cameron: I agree with Sam. Try to lose any over used phrases.
I definitely agree. It's a tad harder when it's a ensemble cast to be too specific, but I'm looking into loglines for shows like LOST. Thanks again!
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Sounds interesting, keep us posted!
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Sam has nailed it -specifics works much better than vague concepts. Describe the local girl -- is she a young Goth practising witchcraft? the homely daughter of the town butcher? .... anything to help put a picture in our head.
Hey Cameron, try the old approach "Who, What, Where, Why and When" and see what materialises.
I'd also suggest looking at the loglines from similar films and tailoring yours towards what you like about them.
My two cents - agree with all the other writers, who have given excellent advice, but it's worth noting that Cameron is asking about a log for a web series not a film. He should be looking at series logs rather than feature logs. While I feel the vast majority of feature logs should be one sentence, I feel it's sometimes beneficial for series log to be 1-2, may be even 3 clear sentences. But yeah - clarity and specificity are important. Vagueness and mystery make logs sound like taglines or "used car salesman" sales pitches.