Here we go folks, how do we clean this up: A prude cop goes undercover to investigate a murder in the seedy world of hardcore German porn and unwillingly joins forces with an oversexed undercover, who he learns is his estranged brother. Is there too much or too little in this logline? The basic story is about a black cop who is sent undercover to investigate a murder in the disturbing world of disgusting German porn and he meets another cop (Hispanic) from another department who is also undercover. The black cop is a Jehovah's Witness and the Hispanic cop is an oversexed playboy. The two are teamed up by their German porn-king suspect to work varies jobs on porno shoots. As they go about their appointed duties they learn that they share something else in common besides being cops; they have the same womanizing father who loves ethnic women.
Screenwriting : Logline by Jose Guns Alves
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The protagonist (the prude cop) needs to solve a murder case to preserve his reputation on the force, but can't easily do it because of the debauchery he must endure which is against his religion to solve the case; moreover, if he does not solve the case, he will be demoted and become a traffic cop.
Why change anything? We know who the protagonist is (prude cop). Conflict (prude joins oversexed) Goal (solve a murder)
There really is no conflict other than John Doe not liking homework and getting up early. I think I see where you're going. I have not literally demonstrated conflict in my logline.
After a murder takes place in the seedy world of hardcore German porn, a prude cop goes undercover and competes to solve the case before his estranged oversexed half-brother.
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Good post, Peter. Without a compelling obstacle, there is no drama. There is a question that would illustrate an effective logline, "How could anyone overcome that?" "I would like to see how!" If you get those questions, I believe you have done your job as a writer. Good luck with your project. You have quite an imagination that will serve you well.
Very insightful. Thanks a million! I know what I need to do.
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@peter. Good one! @Jose I love this idea, and you have multiple choices over conflicts, both in main and sub plot. There could be conflict both cop brothers fall for he same hooker, or back stories one of their mothers is responsible for the suicide of the others mother, etc etc. (micro). With regards main plot it could be one brother gets trussed up by crime lord, and the other brother is racing against a ticking clock to save not only him, but a whole cellar of sex slaves. Sorry I'm rambling now, it's just your idea has intrigued me! The underbelly of Amsterdam/Germany etc is a twilight zone that can be made as dark and compelling, aswell as exciting and dangerous as one wishes it to be. It also sets the stage for enabling the possibility of dramatic shocks, just remembering the Glimp scene in Pulp Fiction.
Thanks for the analogy, Peter. Nail. On. Head.
You might have too many plot points in there. It does need to be a lot simpler and to the point. How about: "A conservative undercover cop enters the world of German hardcore porn to investigate a murder, unknowingly joining forces with his estranged brother."
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Peter and I have not always gotten along, but I think his pothole vs. brick wall point is very well made and very astute and is dead on. And I like some of his ideas for your story as well. Good post.
Thank you for everyone's comments. It seems I may have something here based on what everyone has said. I believe this is wry with all sorts of jokes and silly stuff as a screwball comedy, which is my intention. However, it could also be very dark and twisted thriller as well, I may end up writing it both ways. How is this one so far? After a murder in the seedy world of hardcore German porn, a coitophobic (fear of sex) cop facing unemployment must go undercover and forms an unlikely partnership with another undercover, who is oversexed.
More refined: To save his job, a sex-phobic cop partners with a sexaholic as undercovers, investigating a murder by hardcore German pornographers. OR To save his job, a cop suffering debilitating sex anxiety, must partner with a sexaholic as undercovers to investigate a murder by hardcore German pornographers.
Even better: Facing termination, a cop with severe sexual anxieties is forced undercover with a nymphomaniac partner to investigate homicide by hardcore German pornographers.
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Hi your last log line above, fits the bill for a comedic Farce, as you say you had in mind a screwball type scenario. You have a choice to add about eight more words, making the log line longer and more specific in terms of conflict/stakes.
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Does nymphomaniac still refer to women generally? Perhaps sex addict works better? Just a thought!
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Hi Virginia, I don't think "nymphomaniac" would be the right word for a serious thriller, and "sex addict" would work better. However, in Farce type situations I think it's easier to get away with more slapstick type wording. Other women in the mix, could be her exact opposite, as opposed to her being an over the top siren. So in that respect, all other women would not be generalised in those terms. Thinking of the theatre now, Pantomime Dames have very magnified traits but it's all meant in fun, like a comedic farce. Happy Weekend All.