An environmental collapse has left Earth decimated. Nations claw for land and resources. When the International Space Station is contacted by a naïve alien species from a lush and resourceful planet a brash, misanthropic astronaut may be humanity’s last chance as global superpowers fight to stake a claim.
Your Stage : Does this logline kick you in the balls sufficiently, or do you have suggestions for improvement? by Ian White
Other topics in Your Stage:
Check out Trending Discussions
Register / Log In
Misanthropic? Uh-oh......
Misanthropic or not, it sounds interesting to me, and I'd watch it! But misanthropic certainly adds a potential wrinkle to the astronaut's motives. Nice job.
Perhaps cut the first two sentences. It's rather long. Personally, I don't care for the word "misanthropic?" Yes, it's ironic — the guy to save us all hates humanity. Is this a comedy? 'Cause otherwise, I find that word illogical. It doesn't work with what we know of astronauts. And naïve? Of course, some new species would be naïve to a new world. Perhaps omit "naïve," seems unneeded. I dunno... Maybe explore other adjectives? Also, I'm not exactly sure what's going on? So some species contacts us, but then various countries or governmental powers on earth fight to get that species' "lush and resourceful" planet? (Perhaps cut "lush," also not needed). We may destroy ourselves fighting to stake a claim? Maybe change the word "global" and make it more clear? I dunno... But keep working it. See what better hones it down. Hope that helps!
1 person likes this
Just for fun: "When a decimated Earth is contacted by a new alien species from a resourceful planet, a recluse astronaut must intervene to save humanity from its warring nations who fight to stake a claim." :)
1 person likes this
Hey Beth, you're pretty alright at this!
Hmmm, "new" probably isn't needed, "an alien species" is better. Lol! Loglines... Ugh! Again, I hope that helps!
Haha! Glad you think so, Ian! Best to you!
I I had dropped out "new", but I liked the rest.
Beth's is pretty good. My "stab" at it with a blunt shiv.
"As the desperate inhabitants of a future Earth war over the last vestiges of it's once plentiful natural resources, a hermetic astronaut on board a space station above it all is contacted by aliens from a planet abundant in resources. As the world's superpowers maneuver to take advantage of these new visitors from space, the astronaut is unwillingly put in a position to decide the fate of all mankind."
Meh. Kinda long but I did say it was a blunt shiv.
EDIT: Blech! I used resources twice. Don't do that. Otherwise I hope it's just another angle to look at it from.
Far too long, in my opinion. I would replace ' environmental collapse' with something easier on brain.
I started to make a comment but then I thought better because I don't want some of you confusing honesty and rudeness - so, no comment.