I'm open to any other suggestions.
Logline #1 :
After a group of teenagers prank a psychopathic criminal, he gets revenge by panking them; first with small pranks then with deadly ones.
Logline #2 :
When a prank ends up on the porch of a psychopath, he gets revenge with his own pranks which eventually turn deadly.
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Sounds like a great premise, Charles! Can we assume that one of the teens is the protagonist? These loglines seem to focus mainly on the antagonist--the psychopath-- rather than what the teens need to do to escape their situation. What about something like: 'When a prank on a stranger goes awry, a group of teenagers must pull together to survive when their victim's responses turn deadly.' Obviously, I'm just throwing this out there. Good luck! :-)
Is this a feature or a short? I don't see the rising conflict. I get the setup, kids picking the wrong house to mess with, I just don't see how it works over 90 minutes. And who is the protagonist here? The psychopath?
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Thanks for your feedback Matt. All the teens are protagonists. I love your suggestion. I might change it slightly. Good job!
It's a feature length screenplay. The psychopath is the antagonist.
I think a remake of log line with a mixture of ideas from both log lines without using the word “prank” twice. The second log line we don’t know the aggressors are the teenagers and first log line could be tweaked. Eg “Teenagers play a prank on a neighbours porch without knowing he’s been released from prison hospital and the next day find their motorbikes wrecked with a note their pets are next.” Thats only a quick idea. Was just trying not to repeat word “prank”. THIS IS A COOL IDEA YOU GOT.
Thank you Debbie, I appreciate that. I think I'll tweak Matt's logline. I like "stranger" and "awry". He completely nailed that the teens must pull together to survive.
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Thanks, Charles. Happy to help. I'd love to read this screenplay when you start putting it out there. I'm getting vibes of I Know What You Did Last Summer and Saw, maybe? Are you putting it on Script Revolution?
Well I hired someone to go over my screenplay and polish it up. He did an excellent job! I'm not finished with it because he suggested I take out certain scenes, cut a character, cut down on the dialogue. So I have work to do.
When wrote my synopsis and treatment. He wrote it was similar to "Scream", "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street".Never did I try to steer him into writing those. I wanted to see what someone else thought and I couldn't be happier he picked those movies. After I perfect it and copyright it, give me about a week and I will send you the screenplay to read. Thanks for your interest! :)
Awesome! Looking forward to it. I actually just found out we can post our screenplays here on Stage 32!
Well I hired someone to polish up my screenplay and he gave me some notes for me to change; cut out some scenes, cut a character that adds nothing to the story and cut down on dialogue.
He wrote the synopsis and treatment and his thoughts were it was similar to "Scream", "I know What You Did Last Summer" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street". I couldn't be happier with those similarities.
I will finish it up, copyright it and send it to you. Thanks for your interest! :)
The second one works better for me. Perhaps it will work even better when you put the main protagonist in there as well. Looking forward to reading the final log-line, screenplay and watching the movie! :D
Thanks for your feedback, Jaap. How about this? A group of teenagers must pull together to survive when the stranger they pranked wants revenge.
Matt, I didn't know we could post our screenplays on here.
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In your profile, you can add a logline. At the bottom of that page, you can upload the screenplay.