My mind is spinning as I'm trying to decipher these notes.
How is it unclear that a young girl has a future?
How do you not know what is meant by "She’s pure evil as she holds down his moving arms, enjoying
being on top and in control"?
How do you not know that characters develop their stories over several episodes and not just the pilot?
Why would only Arab investors be interested in this pilot? That's like saying only black investors would be interested in a show about black people.
And most importantly, why would you reject a "highly original" concept? Isn't that the endgame? To find the next original thing?And these are just the ones I picked.
So many questions, I don't even know where to begin!
Don't know the story/script so there's no way to comment but the notes appear to be concise and make sense.
I would have to disagree with Doug Nelson. From the notes, I would say what they are attempting to convey is that you're writing in a visual medium and neither of those phrases depicts anything visual (or audio), but rather how you want us to feel/think when watching. For example, what do we see to know she is "pure evil"? Is he calling out a safe word for her to stop, and she keeps going? Is she drawing blood as she scratches his chest? Did she put a pillow over his face while hand-cuffed? These are examples of things we SEE (actions the character takes), and the audience can then infer that she is some version of "evil".
Actually, one of our executives, Anna Henry, did a fantastic webinar on how to interpret the "note behind the note" that I think would be incredibly helpful for you: https://www.stage32.com/webinars/How-to-Handle-Notes-on-Your-Script-Type...
I'm not sure about the Arab-only comment though. Definitely reach out to our Director of Script Services, Jason Mirch, to see what he thinks: J.Mirch@stage32.com
Karen - you're reading something into the script/storyline and interpreting the comments based on your assumptions; maybe true/maybe not. But the notes are precise and make sense - but I have no idea how appropriate they are to the (to me) unknown story.
Thank you both for the input. In case you want to read it, you can find the script and synopsis here: https://www.stage32.com/profile/485701/Screenplay/Bedaya
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"How do you not know what is meant by "She’s pure evil as she holds down his moving arms, enjoying
being on top and in control"?"
I think that to most people, a woman enjoying being on top would not connote any kind of evil.
Hey Mohammed Isa - thanks for sharing. I think from the notes you've received the reader is looking for more context. It seems as though you are attempting to infuse some voice or color commentary into the writing - which is welcome of course. But it seems like this commentary by you the writer is coming off as confusing to that particular reader. It might be worth revisiting to see if you can illustrate the visual you're going for in another way.