Hello everyone, I'm quite new to writing samples, I have created one today from one of what I believe to be one of my stronger scripts, I wonder if there is anyone who can offer me some advice on perhaps what I'm missing, and/or where I should be sending this, thank you very much in advance. I apologize for the linkedIn link, but I can't work out how to post it in the lounge here. Best to all.
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/james-sutherland-08914127_learning-about-...
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Great opening pages/writing sample, James Sutherland. There’s mystery, but the scenes aren’t confusing. The pages are easy to read. And you end the sample with a cliffhanger. Great idea.
I have some suggestions:
#1) Put the names of major characters/talking characters in all caps when they first show up physically in the script. And give each major/talking character a brief description (like one or two adjectives that describe their personality).
#2) Break up the first paragraph on page 3 into two or three sentences.
#3) On page 3, Takahashi says “Hey, you’re the Noguchi woman…” I don’t think that’s the right place for him to bring it up. And it feels forced him bringing it up here. And his dialogue is too on the nose.
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Hi James, I really like this. You may want to capitalize the characters when you first introduce them to the reader. You may want to work on scene headings. Your action descriptions are very good. These are just my thoughts.
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Hi Thom Egelston thank you for your comments, it's an excerpt from near the beginning.
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Hi Maurice Vaughan thank you as always for your support and feedback, I'll be implementing your notes, one question, even though I have already introduced the characters in the full length script, do I need to redo whole that process in the independent writing sample so it's not implied that the have been introduced already?
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Hi Asmaa Jamil thank you for your thoughts, yes Maurice Vaughan just suggested something similar with the characters, so I'm getting on with that, do the scene headings need more vibrancy? Are they a little flat?
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You're welcome, James Sutherland. Oh ok, so the writing sample isn't the opening pages of your feature script. Since you already introduced the characters in the feature, you don't have to redo the introduction process in the sample. I don't, but it's up to you.
You also asked "where I should be sending this?" To producers, directors, etc. who ask for a writing sample in that genre. You could also post your sample in the Logline Section of your Stage 32 profile so producers, etc. can see them.
Also, sometimes I do what you did (take pages from a feature script and use them as a sample), but most of the time I use short scripts as samples.
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Hi Maurice Vaughan thank you for clearing that it for me, as always you advice is greatly appreciated!
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Hi James, the first two scenes have the same information. Maybe the second one could be more detailed. If they are the same area, you only need the first scene heading. In this first scene, maybe let us know name of city or town. Third scene is good and so are the rest.
You're welcome, James Sutherland.
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That's brilliant! Thank you Asmaa Jamil for the follow up there, I will get it done!