Screenwriting : Am I overstepping by drawing parallels between biblical legends and my own quest for a second chance at life? by Brian Namonda

I don’t think so. If u really read into the Bible. Christ says he has eternal life, and can give it to us too.. he says to pilot.. they say i am.. my kingdom was long ago. He says the temple they built for him will be destroyed after they flee too it in four years and all will perish and all the blocks of the giant temple will be cast into the valley below.. this is his way of saying he’s seen it alllll before. In revelations 21 says he’s the morning star David. In rev 11 v 6 says.. there are twenty four seated and two voices at the return and those two (and all twenty four) can control the weather. It’s time repeats to have this knowledge. It also says in rev the spaceship comes down and is parked on a hill, is cube shaped, has twelve entrances and not that many people are over joyed to see it. That’s in every bible.. it describes the stones it’s adorn with.. jasper, ruby, quarts.. but not diamonds.

There’s at the moment a media blackout over the weather being controlled by David’s.

I would turn the story more about how this guy has to figure out how to fight back to be heard. I like the open. I wanna know what he’s told . I wanna see him come back to life and have a plan.. and it’s lengthy.. taking years and a real struggle. Media will fight funny. They’ll say things like.. after shown.. to get stuff on our show you have to have more followers.. like to send them news you have to have a fan base first. They say things like “farty” written over weather that’s triangles in the sky. They’ll get protesters that say you should talk about the sky and strike a orange smoke bomb cause that’s the team.. team orange.. and the station managers tell his body guard to shoot and kill the protester..

They do things like if u post to all their reporters the same time.. half will block you. Then the other half stay silent. . And u can read their faces smirking when they see what u showed on their screens.. while they stand infront of it timed out just right, to keep the public from seeing it. That’s their main thing. At first they weren’t good at it.. it’s 13 years later since being shown. For real. June 2012 took over the weather. We’re at a point, where they know their jobs are on the line, when it becomes known, so they fight this way. What would u do if you were a reporter and know the fed is attacking the person controlling the weather and when u were shown w all the people at your work, everyone went crazy and nothing was reported, instead they went into this cover up. That could be the person that comes thru for your character.. and does an online post about it the station can’t take down fast enough.. and it goes viral. It would also be funny to see the president called out for lying about what is going on. Obama cares website idea was initially suggested by David as well as ocean cleaning projects.. and poverty cards that split a big fund on cards splitting the interest between them. Trash dumping is the ocean rise, simple displacement is making the water rise, laws need made. Your character could fight a real battle, using what comes up using ai. Autism is Rubella caused. Chick Pea plant lectin cures breast cancer. Daffodil cures influenza, h1n1, h5n5, hep c, sars, and hiv. Eukalyptus gobi cures herpes. Leeks cure infuenza.. diesel smoke and gasoline emissions have butadiene and causes cancer. Butadiene rubber is in media blackout since 2007 .. that’s pacifiers, baby. Title tops, breast implants, pantyhose, adult toys, chewing gum, and tires. All the tires used as crumb in playgrounds was known cancerous before installed . Each tire swing is cancerous. Each rubber working floor mat.. like each restaurant and auto repair shop are covered in them.. the fuel used to cook with is known cancerous Burger King. The compressed fuel sold outside each gas station and grocery is known cancerous. Natural gas has radon in it.. not clean at alll.. markets to you as clean. Coal smoke causes tuberculosis’. Water to hydrogen fuel systems are used in f1 in secret…while its not publicly available. Every car in nascar wrecks over 125 mph and the drivers are ok, while many cars sold under the same brand trap legs at 40 mph accidents and people die in them at fourty miles a hour. Cars should have tube frame roll cage systems around the occupants as well as five point harnesses.

You could make that the message given.. I wanna see this guy come outta the gate slayin and stayin. Then stuck.. w a media that won’t talk after winning fights.. and some people having action.. it wanes and he wants so much more for us and can’t get anyone to listen.

Hey, David. thanks for the feedback and your awesome reasoning. your mind behind this Character is accurate and remarkable. the question to look at is, if Grace answered them all when they called, why not him? fairly, this man must be heard in celestial Courtroom.

thanks, once more for the great write-up.

Do you see this as a faith-based film? Those tend to have a formula that you should be familiar with.

I would ask for more of a synopsis to better understand how to write a logline.

It sounds like a man is injured in the act of committing a crime, then his spirit is put on trial in a sort of biblical purgatory? Your logline leaves the “criminal” part out. You say accomplices, but don’t mention a crime.

Hey Mike, thanks for reaching out. Yes, it is a Faith based feature. The Crime/criminal is mentioned in the synopsis below Logline on my profile.

However, since you asked, kindly see Synopsis below;

Synopsis – Courtroom: If the Law fails, Grace Must win.

In a world where law and judgment reign, a man named Agent finds himself caught between earthly injustice and spiritual reckoning. After being falsely implicated in a criminal syndicate’s robbery, Agent is gunned down and slips into a coma. But his body lies on a hospital bed while his soul is summoned to a celestial courtroom where ten ancient prophets of the Old Testament sit as judges: Enoch, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Elijah, Elisha, David, Daniel, Lot, and Israel. As he stands before these patriarchs, each questions his actions, failures, and intentions. With every defense, Agent turns their own biblical flaws into testimonies of grace. He reminds them that even they—heroes of faith—were redeemed not by perfection but by divine mercy. Meanwhile, on Earth, his wife Bwalya prays fervently, and a battle unfolds between agents of justice and criminals who want Agent silenced forever. When all seems lost, light pierces the courtroom. Jesus steps forward, not as a witness, but as the final Judge. What follows is not condemnation—but the voice of grace that speaks louder than guilt. Courtroom is a thrilling, faith-driven story about redemption, purpose, and the power of mercy in a world addicted to judgment.

Brian Namonda Your scenario is a very tricky balancing act where everything is centered on the trial. So you basically have a courtroom drama on your hands. First it's a drama so that sticks your film between 3rd and 5th place in the market shares according to genre which usually hits around 14% and you're competing against not only the other 100+ films to be released in your genre, but the 35-40 releases in the action and adventure genres that hit around 20+% of the market share, so the competition is tough.

Now you are throwing a twist in your story which is good. The Heaven courtroom is cool and I like that but you have to be careful as to how you present it. Balance is key. If you go too far to the heavenly aspects you run the risk of making it a parody. Too little and you have a typical courtroom drama. Either way, a courtroom set is a cost consideration and if you're throwing flashbacks into the story, that's more visual but also more costly.

However you approach this, the drama and what you say about life, your choices, and their consequences has to be very powerful. A Few Good Men was a great first watch movie but after further viewings, you realize that the cross examinations weren't really that amazing. Any first year law student should have come up with the reasoning. Yet it was all put together very well regardless of it's simplistic content.

Even watching Boston Legal or shows like that. Once is great, but do they really warrant multiple viewings and the secret of having a successful film is rewatchabilty. Even Justice For All is fine but it's the final courtroom scene that keeps people wanting to revisit it.

A Few Good Men back in 1992 had a budget of $40M and it did well. Today is a different horse show. Not knowing how the story turns out, I'd probably keep the elements of the story to where the film could be made for under $20M. If it's well made with a good theatrical run, I could see a goal of selling 6 million tickets a reachable count.

Hello Philip,

Thank you for your detailed feedback on my screenplay 'Courtroom'. As a spec script, I expect it to undergo scrutiny with the production team, and I appreciate your insights on market competition, balancing the heavenly courtroom elements, and budget considerations. Your points about rewatchability and the importance of a strong narrative are well-taken.

I joined Stage 32 to connect with industry professionals like yourself and gain valuable insights that can help me improve my craft. Your feedback is exactly the kind of expertise I was hoping to tap into, and I'm grateful for your input.

I'll definitely consider your suggestions as I revise and refine the script. I'd love to continue the conversation and explore how to make 'Courtroom' a compelling and successful film. Thank you again for your time and expertise."

Brian Namonda Your words are very kind, Brian. Thank you. I think you are on a precipice of something special. Just remember that the prosecuting and defense attorneys will have all of mankind's history at their disposal which could make for some special objections whether they are sustained or overruled and also remember that we are still not sure if we are living from moment to moment or if we are just reliving a fixed history of someone from the past since time in heaven is probably not linear but simultaneous. Interesting concepts to touch upon. This could be the ultimate courtroom drama. It'll be exciting to see how you develop this.

Hey Mr Lee,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and insightful feedback! I really appreciate your suggestions about the prosecuting and defense attorneys having access to all of mankind's history - that's a great idea to explore further. The concept of time in heaven being non-linear and simultaneous is also fascinating, and I can see how that could add a rich layer of complexity to the story.

once more, Thank you for coming through.

I disagree that the film should be compared closely to other courtroom dramas. it will rely more on spiritual and philosophical logic. What comes to mind for me are Defending Your Life and Star Trek’s Encounter at Farpoint (in which the human race is put on trial).

Two things concern me.

If Agent is falsely accused, wouldn’t heavenly judges (presumably omniscient) know that? I believe he should have made a choice to commit the crime, but then have to prove he’s a good person anyway. More conflict that way.

Also, ten judges is a lot of characters. I would reduce that to three so the audience can get to know each one and you can build them up more in the writing.

Hey Mr Boss,

It's great to have you back. I feel like we're already in Courtroom.

Agent is not only a good man, but also a devout believer and advocate of the Gospel. However, his efforts to balance spiritual and physical responsibilities lead him into unforeseen circumstances, sparking a complex and thought-provoking argument in the courtroom.

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If Agent were directly involved in deciding the crime, his argument would be severely weakened. Instead, his lack of knowledge about the mission and the circumstances surrounding his involvement – being forced to participate and receive a share of the money at gunpoint – become crucial aspects of his defense.

Each judge brings their unique perspective, drawing from biblical examples. Abraham condemns Agent for prioritizing his physical safety over his faith, while Agent counters with Abraham's own actions, questioning why Abraham's similar transgressions were not condemned when he lied in Egypt before pharaoh...(Sarah is my sister not a wife.) he was equally prioritizing his physical safety.

Lot, on the other hand, uses his wife's fate as a cautionary tale, emphasizing the consequences of one's actions. (My wife looked back once and she was no more. Why should you be found again?)

The complexity of the judges' views and Agent's defenses highlights the intricacies of moral judgment and the nature of grace. With each judge offering a distinct interpretation, Agent must navigate this complex web and find a way to use the Bible to his advantage. This dynamic is a key aspect of the story, and reducing the number of judges would significantly alter the narrative's structure.

I would love to accommodate all suggestions and come out with a big cake for our screen lovers. Unfortunately, have run out of baking powder.

While your suggestions are valuable welcome, I believe the current framework allows for a richer exploration of the themes.

Thank you once more, Mike.

It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought and research into the writing!

Does the central character have any doubts, an inner conflict? Does he learn a lesson? Is he a changed person by the end of the story?

From the judges’ point of view, what are their accusations? If he’s innocent, wouldn’t they know that, being heavenly creatures?

My last comment is be sure to think about it cinematically. If the structure is a series of ten arguments, one per judge, how do you keep it interesting visually? I would suggest to move it around to locations that reflect each character or topic. (Don’t keep it bound to a courtroom set.) I’m thinking of how A Christmas Carol’s three spirits led Scrooge through re-enactments of his past.

Wow, Mike!

I must confess, you've really been in this industry! Please don't make this your last comment; I have no partners in this, for you're him.

About the central character's inner conflict: he knows his wrong, which is why he's calling for grace. He came to learn about it when Daniel told him, "A weapon armed at your mortal flesh does not make your spirit immune to sin," narrating from his experience in the den of lions.

Regarding the judges' position, it's like a situation with a Hollywood producer and a writer with limited access to knowing professional standards of a script. No matter how high or low he or she may plead to have the screenplay bought, you won't go for it because you've got standards to follow before committing your efforts to a script. However, it's on record in history that we have writers who managed to sell poor scripts due to high potential . These judges are more like gatekeepers to the most holy place; you need to convince them why they should give you what you seek.

Now, you've added something interesting to consider – multiple locations for each judge. This is something I must consider. though I'm now facing temptations to change the Title....

God be good....

Thank you, Mr Boas!"

Overstepping what?

Third chance? This is interesting, Mr Danny. Religion needs more people of your kind to spread the word. Proud to see this, and good luck to you too.

Glad I gave you some inspiration!

Sounds interesting Brian Namonda

Hey Mark Deuce, thanks for your feedback.

Hey Rebecca, thanks for your words. Great to have you here.