ok folks, so this i think is my most challenging work, it could be a complete disaster or a masterpiece, i try to evaluate my own work from an audience lens i feel this can be very big but then again opinions matter so please leave a feedback would upload the screenplay soon . here is the log-line : A celebrated illusionist rises to fame in 1980's , while a curious young woman, enchanted by his act, finds herself drawn into a world where beauty, mystery, and longing hide something far more profound behind the curtain.
Screenwriting : No light for the shadow by Shazz K
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Sounds interesting, Shazz K! I suggest changing "in 1980's" to "in the 1980s" or "in the '80s."
I suggest changing "while a curious young woman, enchanted by his act, finds herself" to "while a curious young woman who's enchanted by his act finds herself."
I also think the end is vague ("hide something far more profound behind the curtain").
well i am talking about a magician and a woman who discovers something, it has to be mysterious that why i put it that way
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I understand, Shazz K, but a logline is a tool to help pitch your script. You don't want to be vague in your logline. It could make some producers, directors, etc. pass on your script.
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i understand what should i change with it
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Just self publish it on amazon
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D6L7DQHV This is Neil with the Reel Deel. And the Deel Is...my SCRELLICE, Clean Break. A screllice is a book written in screenplay format. A format unlike anything you've read before. This particular screllice revolves around a heist in Los Angeles in 2018. Only 12.99. You Will Not Be Disappointed!
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Mist people who are unfamiliar with how a script is formatted and why, will not easily take to reading a “script in book format.” Just my opinion. .That’s also leaving it open to scammers who would rather steal thsn put in the work themselves.
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Shazz K hey so you have written sort of a query style logline, which is left with mystery in it, sort of like a jacket in a book, but with film loglines, you want to make the stakes and the mystery clear. I.e. saying what it is she is drawn into like a world of drugs, or ethereal experiences or whatever it is you're leading us too :) definitely sounds like a great concept!
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thanks i understand your point Rosie Schreiber
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thank you for advice Sherry McGuinn i understand the concern would shape it better
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You’re very welcome.
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Sherry McGuinn:
A script is a legitimate way of telling a story. There are plenty of words in standard prose that readers don't understand, but are still able to read the novel. People watch movies much more than read books nowadays, and a book in script format is a fresh new thing that hasn't been done too often. The "closet drama/screenplay" is a thing albeit not a mainstream one. Closet dramas such as Faust & screenplays such as The Gardener's Son. Plus, there is a bit more related to the business that I have in mind
Tell you more later, if you're interested
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Well, good luck with that.