Pls weigh in with your preference:
Revised Logline Suggestions:
In 1985, a daring ad exec bets his career on a groundbreaking campaign for Sony's compact disc player featuring four superstars, including Stevie Wonder-- none is under contract. As he takes this audacious gamble, he confronts the threat of his daughter losing her eyesight, amplifying the stakes in a story that sparks a digital music revolution and transforms Sony into an entertainment titan.
When an ambitious Sony adman signs Stevie Wonder to a campaign meant to launch the compact disc, a chain of corporate politics, production crises and his newborn daughter's life-threatening illness forces him to choose between a legacy-building career triumph and the family that keeps him grounded.
4 people like this
I think the second logline is stronger and more gripping, Scott Westover. The dilemma makes it more impactful.
3 people like this
Idk about the loglines- but it's a GREAT story!
1 person likes this
I agree about the second version. What little I know is that loglines are all about "the whole 'brevity thing', man" ... it's a reductionist quest, so the shorter, more concise and yet "ultimately describes it" is the Quest, like a holy grail.
2 people like this
I like the 2nd one best as well - would love to read the script if it is available!
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Scott, I like the second logline better...it summarizes the story in fewer words.
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I like the second logline better; it seems more complex. As a viewer, I can immediately imagine what the movie is about.
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I’m more drawn to the first logline, not because it’s better cinema, but because it speaks to lived experience. That said, I’d pitch with the second. It promises drama, not explanation, and the emotional engine is clear on a first read. I’d then develop and market with elements of the first. The second sells the ticket; the first reassures investors and industry peeps there’s real historical weight behind it. You have a strong combination.
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The first is a strong dramatic dilemma which I like.
The second seems more a Fait-Accompli.
Both could be shorter.
Keep going.
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Thanks to all for your feedback about my Loglines. Very valuable and much appreciated. Scott
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You're welcome, Scott Westover.
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I much prefer the shorter and more succinct 2nd logline, but then I remember that most people don't remember what a compact disc is.
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Ps - Scot - there is a secret in your story which you need to tell the producer you pitch it at in the logline but which should not be shared generally with others — in my opinion.
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Michael - I sold screenplays long before I ever even heard of loglines. Similarly beat sheets, which I still laugh at because there’s so many definitions of what one is. And —- dare I say it —- don’t get me started on saving cats. OK it’s fine but doing your own analysis is far better.
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Heyyyyy Scott, just checking back. Have you made a decision yet?