Hello, I could use some feedback on a logline I've been working on for a feature. I'd like to keep it confidential for now, but if you let me know in the comments that you're interested I'll message you the details. I just have a few variations of the same logline and want to know which works best, so it won't take long, I promise! Thanks, Chris
Screenwriting : Logline help... by Chris Regan
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I'd love to give some feedback. Another forum which can sometimes be useful is the Internet page logline.it
Be happy to help
Me too...
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The purpose of your logline is to clearly tell the reader what your movie is about with no more than a few sentences. The optimum logline is about 30 words or less. A good bit of advice I received was to if possible, mention your protagonist, antagonist, the obstacle, goal, stakes irony and a clear genre. Sometimes that’s going to be rather difficult. Here is one I recently did that seems to be working fairly well: “A shady film producer specializing in violent pornography gets more than he bargained for when a Dixie Mafia enforcer comes to LA to find his missing daughter.” You will note that this logline is only 27 words, conveys who the protag and antag are, what the obstacle/goal is and definitely suggests an action genre.
I know what you mean, Chris. I also need help and posted for assistance yesterday. Mine are listed, so please feel free to read and see if you have suggestions for me also. Many thanks!
Phillip, if you have time, I could use your assistance also. Thank you! Jessica
Jessica: I would be delighted to help. Please feel free to email me a phillip_hrdy@yahoo.com.
Phillip, I have them listed under my loglines/screenplays on this site. Thanks! Susan
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Jessica: I just read your loglines and have some suggestions. • Try to shorten them to less than 35 words. • You write them in the past tense and I would put them in the present tense. • Read this link, which has great tips about writing loglines. http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/ • Think of your logline as a hit song. A hit song will keep the listener’s attention and a boring one will get turned off. For example: Take your “Life After Death” logline. Before: “Jenny and Jake met at the same nursing home where they work and battle the snarling director while trying to make the residents happy and comfortable. Their work not only reaches their goals for the nursing home residents, but they also reach a very special goal for themselves.” Your genre says this is a comedy and not knowing much about your story I came up with this. After: “Causing unexpected and often humorous results, nursing home employees Jenny and Jake take on a nasty boss while crusading for better living conditions for their patients.” I spent about fifteen minutes on this and think you can probably make it better but it’s a starting point. Please note the following: • Your logline is 48 words and mine is 26 words. • I’ve identified genre. • Yours is written in past tense and mine present tense. • I use a cryptic but somewhat intriguing opening phrase to interest readers in your protagonist’s mission to fight the system managing by the nasty boss. To spark interest, a critical thing to remember is the economy of words, which means choosing them wisely and making them the best fit to convey what your movie is about.
How wonderful! This is such a wonderful lesson! Excellent instruction on everything! Thank you so much for spending time to help me! I look forward to studying the link and also re-reading and studying your instruction again and again. Thank you, Phillip!!
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Jessica: You are most welcome and to quote Wavy Gravy from the film Woodstock, "We're all feeding each other, man!."
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As I was just about to shave, I had another thought. So I’ve come out of the bathroom to share it with you. For me loglines are a key starting point. I’m not say this process will work or works for everyone; but here is what I generally to. 1) I think to myself, gee Philly, what kind of genre do I want to write? 2) I come up with a logline first. 3) Write a three to four paragraph summary and no more than 500 words. 4) Write my screenplay and organically begin connecting my initial plot points, inciting incident etc. to move the story along. I just finished a thriller, where I had a very fuzzy idea of how I wanted to end it. But I let the creative juices flow with surprisingly satisfying results. I now return to shaving with no further interruptions.
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Love it~!!!! Why is it some of our deepest thoughts come in the bathroom or while driving!!! Scary!! Thank you for this thought process!!! Many blessing on your scripts!
Hi Chris, happy to give my thoughts. Either msg me or email Taz@wickedangel.com Cheers Debs