Your Stage : Logline by Lisa Beuk

The woman could use an adjective. You don't necessarily have to make it her flatal flaw, but give her something about her character. The snow storm doesn't really need "treacherous", but our heroine could use something of that magnitude.

I like that Anna! Thank you!

Put a woman where after becoming is, remove the comma and a woman after snow storm and it becomes a clear statement without comma's and one sentence long. I used to think the comma's had better impact in Loglines but the more I see if you can make it a clear one sentence statement without comma's it is even better. Other's may have other opinions about it. "An extremely strong willed woman stranded in a snowstorm must face the demons from her past to save her family from the ruthless man hunting them" You can use it edit it whatever.

You can also lose the words "After becoming". "Stranded in a snowstorm, a [something] woman must..." "must face the demons from her past" doesn't really ring my bell, because I don't know what that means. She's an alcoholic? She was abused as a child? Her whole family was killed by a maniac? Presumably the "demons" are related to this man hunting her? Either way, the causal relationship between what she "must" do and the threat from the man hunting them should be made clear. How will facing her demons help her beat this man? Also, why is the man hunting them? Is he a random crazy, or someone after her for a reason? Either answer is potentially interesting, but your antagonist is flat -- we don't know who he is. If you tell us what the story is really about, using as many words as necessary, we might be able to provide additional suggestions. For the record: I hate writing my own loglines. It's way easier critiquing someone else's. :)

Thank you everyone! In the past I have gotten very conflicting information as to what to put in and what not to put in. My problem is I don't want to reveal too much information but want to reveal enough. Kerry, I too hate writing my own loglines. :-)

Lisa, I like the part "the demons from her past" it makes me want to know what these are as an audience. I like it.

There's that dreaded conflicting information again.

Thank you Jorge! Writing loglines to me, is like shooting myself in the foot although I've never done that, I can only image it's as bad, haha!

Shooting yourself in the foot is quick. Writing loglines is more like amputating your own toe with a pair of manicuring scissors.

Ha!! True! :-)

I think the issue with your log line is vagueness. You want to give just enough details to make us want more but not giving away too much. You must give us three things in your log line; the main character and their want, the main villain and their want, and what makes it unique. woman facing past demons (What demons?) ruthless man (What is his want?) snow storm (Good) Tweak each one of these with a bit more details will make it better.

Thank you Bill! Great advise!

I agree, your logline is a little vague, but has promise!