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By Stephen Foster

GENRE: Independent, Comedy

Things are NOT what they seem in the backwater town of Sweetwater, Texas.  Everyone in this dinky, Bible thumping town has a skeleton rattling in their closet as they rally behind a 6-man football team that sucks.


The town is so small that everyone cares about “the goats”—a 6-man football team that sucks. The entire town’s mood and attitude is fueled around “the Goats” going to the state championship. The town is so poor they can’t hire a mascot so they use a real farmer’s goat.

COACH DINKINS is a 5 foot tall ex-marine who is in charge of these robust losers. The butch boys constantly make fun of his high voice. Coach Dinkins never grew up. He tends to live through his “boys,” as he calls them.

MELBA ROLOFFS is the town down low bulldyke of who’s husband disappeared after a hunting accident. She works at the “plant”. Melba is now shaked up with her lipstick lesbian friend Brenda who peddles Mary Kay to the locals.

Her daughter Taffy is the complete opposite of her who only wants to be in the cheerleading squad.

All Melba wants to do is go live “off grid” with Brenda and Taffy. Her best friend BRENDA lives with them. She sells Avon. Her biggest customer is MITZY who is always trying to look younger. Mitzy later enrolls her to give the girls on the glam squad some make up tips. They all come out looking like whores. The word lesbian is never, ever mentioned. TAFFY has issues with her mother. They fight like cats and dogs. MELBA has a heart to heart with taffy and finds out she’s sexually frustrated because Arnold won’t play her. She goes to Arnold and tells him to “man up!”. She teaches him how to be a man. She also goes to Ken and tells him she’s not gonna let her daughter make the same mistake she did. (all implied)

MARY ELLEN SHATTICKS is the drama teacher who is star-struck and channel all her energy into her star students TAFFY and ARNOLD. Coach and her get into a big heated fight because she is taking time away from ARNOLD’s football career with all this practice. She stands her ground. She is producing a play she wrote with a vengeance. She’s good. She goes to ARNOLD’s mother and tells her that he’s the new James Dean. TAFFY is the new Joan Crawford. She’s all excited because she wanted to be a star before she found Oscar. Mary Ellen Shatticks moved to this small town for no good reason except the man she was married to was from there. Her husband OSCAR still wants to get back with her and calls her on the phone and shows up at the school. He left her for a younger model. She’s lived in New York and is a BIG fish in small pond.

MARY ELLEN casts ARNOLD and TAFFY to sabotage COACH DINKINS and the goats.

TAFFY makes it onto the cheerleading team. (she’s awful)

The musical that they are working on is called “a living room musical” about a man/women who are recently married and his ex-husband moves in with them.

Rutger Oosterhoff

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Brett Hoover

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Nathaniel Baker

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