THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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INSPIRED BY REAL EVENT'S " RAT'S " NYC HOMELESS HELL
By Tracy Richardson Talent Agent
Logline collaboration with Marion Landan Stage 32. A female journalist, who grew up in a homeless shelter, fights to save the lives of two young men who live in the eerie otherworld of NYC’s abandoned subway tunnels. Based on actual events.
SYNOPSIS:
Year 1990, Patricia Richardson, intelligent, powerfully beautiful and courageous (always coming to the defense of other homeless people being bullied by others. After watching a news report about violence and homeless people as a young girl from that day she knew she wanted to be a journalist. She never thought she would end up saving the lives of two homeless brothers in NYC. Patricia Richardson grew up in a homeless shelter for most of her childhood moving from shelter to shelter in NYC with her mother. She was interviewed by the local news media about her homeless life after receiving a full scholarship to Columbia University School of Journalism. She never looked backed and studied hard to get a journalism degree. After her internship at a local news station they offered her a staff position, to report on public interest stories.
Year 1973, Born in bowls of the NYC (Antagonist/Protagonist) subway system, surrounded by filthy wastewater, and God knows what other kind of chemical waste. David and Joseph grow up living off Rats. When the Mayor kills off their food supply the brothers begin to eat the subway workers and passengers. When the Mayor stops his rat campaign and the rats return, they get food from the brothers which builds their bond and gives them the taste for human flesh.
Mayor Jenkins (Antagonist the former MTA worker that was responsible for the evacuation of David, and Joseph in 1989 and 50 other homeless people living in the abandoned subway station), decides to remove the rats from the NYC subway system. He trains his workers on the latest baiting techniques and sends them into tunnel locations they haven't used in years. When an MTA worker disappeared in the same location of the homeless, he entombed, years earlier he realizes that he must cover up loose ends at any cost in this election.
Year 2021 After Patricia scoops the story about how the current Mayor Jenkins (former subway worker supervisor) was the last person to see David and Joseph alive at an abandoned subway station were a subway employee disappeared from, she goes there to see if she can find anyone. What she learns from the homeless there shocks her to the core. She realizes why the mayor is really trying to silence her news story. After bringing the story of 25 homeless people being locked away in the subway system to the D.A., the office asked Patricia to bring David and Joseph in to give a deposition. With more train workers missing and vigilante's forcing more homeless people into the subway system, Patricia must bring the brothers up out of the catacombs they lived in all their lives, to save them and bring the mayor to justice. When they get above ground they are stopped by a group of armed vigilantes and assaulted, this causes a chain of events to unfold that no civilization has ever confronted. A sworn of Rats come to the rescue devouring all flesh in their path. This begins the reign of terror on all New Yorkers that will only end when the brothers are locked away in the underground once more.
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Rated this logline
Hello Tracy Richardson Talent Agent . You’ve got a great foundation for a great storyline here. One More family and I can resonate well with on many levels and if done up well, definitely a movie with powerful messages that the world needs to hear. I myself am cooking up one behind the scenes about one of my siblings just now making it out (somewhat), from the Hellish details you mention.
But in regards to your logline (and I say this with utmost respect and professional guidance to be helpful), “ You can do much better.” It needs to be more clear, concise, but offer a captivating hook that reels the interested audience in.
Take it back to the vision board and run some examples. Write 3-6 more on index cards and move them around in the table. Get your minds eye and gears turning. YOU GOT THIS! I am really excited to see where your project goes!
P.S. rating for logline.
Best wishes!
Sincerely,
Candina Ann
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1 person likes this
Thank you for your feedback.
2 people like this
You could add the inciting incident at the start (or end) of the logline, Tracy Richardson Talent Agent, but every logline doesn't have to have an inciting incident. I kept rewriting and rewriting a logline until I realized the inciting incident was the issue, so I took out the inciting incident, and the logline was much better.
I suggest adding an adjective to describe the journalist's personality or flaw.
1 person likes this
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome, Tracy Richardson Talent Agent.
The summary has too much detail, my eyes glaze over when I see it. Remove unnecessary words, 'filthy' isn't needed; "thought" can't be shown on screen.
"Patricia Richardson grew up in a homeless shelter for most of her childhood moving from shelter to shelter in NYC with her mother."
could be:
"Patricia grew up in homeless shelters ." or, "for most of her childhood homeless Patricia moved, with her mother, from shelter to shelter.".Three to four lines per paragraph, no repetition, few adjectives, four paragraphs.
Good luck.