Hi everyone,
I recently posted a journal-style teaser from a supernatural series I’m developing, based on my novel.
The story follows a young girl who sees the spiritual world—angels, demons, and silent, wandering forces that no one else can.
This moment is one of her earliest memories: a regular bus ride that turned into something unforgettable.
Would love to hear your thoughts—feedback, impressions, or just opinions on using this kind of emotional scene as a pilot opening.
> Everyone was laughing on the bus. I just sat there and saw him.
He stood behind the child. Hooded, hooked nose, long fingers.
He didn’t move. Just stared. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could feel them.
I tugged on my mother’s sleeve and pointed—she scolded me for staring at a sick boy.
But I wasn’t pointing at the boy... I was pointing at what stood behind him.
When I looked again, he was right in front of me.
And then he spoke.
“You can see me, can’t you?”
#TVPilot #Tammy #SupernaturalDrama #DarkFantasy #FirstEncounter #Screenwriting #SpiritualSeries
2 people like this
I think that's a great way to start the series, Nathalie Mayht. And it's scary (a kid seeing something like that for the first time and her mom not understanding/not being able to see the spirit). It'd definitely hooked me and makes me want to watch the series.
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I was immediately drawn in. The image of the hooded figure behind the boy is powerful and unsettling.
It instantly makes us wonder: Who is this invisible man? And who is this girl who can see him when no one else can?
It's mysterious, emotionally loaded, and definitely makes me want to read more.
Great choice for a pilot opening — it hooks the reader with both tension and questions.
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Dear Noël, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughtful comment! I’m so happy the atmosphere and mystery came through. The hooded figure will appear again, and the girl’s ability is key to everything that unfolds. I truly hope the continuation will keep you just as intrigued!
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That is an awesome scene. Scary and dramatic at the same time.
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Thank you for sharing this—great imagery. I can see this going along the lines of Odd Thomas.
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Definitely keep going Nat. You’ve created something that resonates — and that’s always the sign you’re heading in the right direction.
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Thank you, Kenneth! I actually wasn’t familiar with Odd Thomas, but your comment made me curious, so I’ll definitely check it out. I truly appreciate that the atmosphere spoke to you – I hope the rest of the story will keep that same depth and mystery alive.
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Thank you so much, Noël. Your words truly encourage me to keep going. I poured a lot of heart into this, and I'm thrilled it resonated with you.
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Thanks, Bill! I'm so glad you felt the drama and weight of the moment – there's more of that to come. Stay tuned!
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Thank you, Sylvia! I’m so happy you loved it – and yes, more is coming very soon. Your excitement gives me strength!