MY LOGLINE: Battle Cats Crew hungrily fight for reigns on their home town, but taken on a ride to hell by the best in the hood and great evil, ended up stray after taking fake defeat. (I'd really appreciate your insight on this) :)
Screenwriting : I trust my Logline is insightful and great enough for producers. Is it? by Prince Ayanda
I trust my Logline is insightful and great enough for producers. Is it?
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1 person likes this
It's exciting but too vague. Is this a motorcycle gang? Neighborhood gang? Musical band? Actual cats (fantasy?). We have to be able to picture the "who" that's involved. If you have a main character, so much the better. "Taken on a ride to hell" also leaves questions. It seems to imply motorcycle gang, or at least vehicles, but you should specify. 'End up stray" is similarly mysterious to me. You don't need to tell us the ending, just set up the dilemma/stakes. Your logline might work well below a flashy poster where artwork spells out what's involved. But if it's a logline meant for a busy studio pro, it should be much clearer and put an actual image in their minds. Just my two cents.
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It needs clarification. 1. What are battle cat crew? 2. Who is the best in the hood? 3. What is the great evil?
Its a(Rap Battles) roller coaster drama/sci fi movie.The Battle Cats Crew consist of six members(five guys and one girl who are teenagers)who are Rap battlers one of them a crew leader(and our main character as well, named Orion). So on their journey they get to battle(in the absence of their leader) one of the most feared rap crew in their hometown The Night Slaughters(gothic rap crew), which tears them apart after loosing on them. When Orion(main character) return they regroup, and get back in the game. And they DO get another chance to go against The Night Slaughters when they find that the judges got threatened to give fake result on their battle. With "Great Evil",seem like I was trying to make my Logline THAT interesting but there is township violence, crime by a street gang involved, and mostly the gothic means by The Night Slaughters.
3 people like this
Now you're making headway. Maybe something like: "An ambitious (or fill in your own adjective) rapper pits his Battle Cats Crew against The Night Slaughters, but discovers the battle rigged and judges threatened with street violence, in this winner-take-all battle of his life." All of this is just a guess, of course, but you get the idea. Good luck!