Your Stage : Logline for 'Of Grace & Violence' by Jose Guns Alves

What is lost if he loses the title fight? Is it the life or death of him or his father? does it save his family? I think this is a great premise for a story. I also think there should be an epic struggle for something worthwhile in the end. My 2 cents. :-) Good luck.

After killing his opponent in the ring, a tormented heavyweight contender battles for identity and his relationship in agonizing guilt and depression, in preparation for a title fight, and tries to reconcile with his estranged dad.

Nice work Tony. I love that.

It seems it's always easier with someone else's work. They get it so far and you can push it over the top.

yeah, Tony, you rocked that logline re-write.

Peter, I think there is conflict. The last thing a heavyweight boxer needs when preparing for a big fight (or any fight) is depression and guilt over the deadly result of his last fight. Lots of conflict there. The only thing that might need some strengthening is 'trying to reconcile with his estranged father'. The very fact that he's an estranged father denotes there is some deep divide between them and it will be difficult to repair the relationship. I am trying to be careful not to put too much detail into the logline, just enough to tease the interest with the protagonist, the conflict and the obstacle.

After killing an opponent, a tormented heavyweight contender battles guilt and depression awhile he tries to prepare for two fights - a heavyweight title match and attempting to reconcile with his estranged alcoholic father .

Maybe the conflict with his father has been for years over the violence of the fights, so his father has rejected him completely after the killing. The protagonist then has to redeem himself as a fighter, a son, and a human being, by proving in a fair fight that the killing was not his fault. Whatever way you look at it, Jose, I think you have a terrific story here.

Guilt-ridden after killing an opponent, a tormented heavyweight contender facing financial ruin must force himself to prepare for two more fights - a title match and an attempt to reconcile with the alcoholic father he fired.

After killing an opponent in the ring, a tormented heavyweight contender is forced to fight again and reconcile with his former trainer - his alcoholic father.

I think Richard has something. I'm with Peter in asking the question of the "Want." What does your protagonist want? I'm also curious to know what the 3rd Act Twist is going to be. Care to share? lol

Ray Boom Boom Mancini in 1982 killed South Korean boxer Duk Koo Kim in the ring defending his title. Ray was never the same after that. The depression and guilt paralyzed him from boxing. He could no longer box though it was his one passion to be a great world champion for his father. All that was good about boxing was tainted forever. However, he forced himself to try to come back from it. He fought months later, and though he won, by all accounts he was never the same kid. He was no longer the finisher that he had been previously. Boxing was ruined for him, in effect by his own hands. That's a hell of a conflict seeing a "tough" guy struggle with emotional issues, depression, and guilt and yet still force himself to try to box again. I don't see it as a pothole after you kill a man and your entire livelihood and identity as a human being is now corrupted. It's one hell of an uphill battle. In my story there are additional conflicts all related to the main theme and factors that push him back into boxing, personal financial woes, a fiancee that pushes him for one more fight for the large payday in a title fight. Also an estranged alcoholic father who was once his trainer, fired by the son for drinking during a fight (as a sub theme). The script is already written, I just need a great logline that fits the story without giving it all away. We want to know the protagonist, the conflict, the stakes and the antagonist...and in 30 words or less.

I agree that all you need is the word tormented, take out "depression" and "guilt." But since he's tormented, I'd be curious to know what pushes him back into boxing? Is it his estranged father? I'm thinking of that ridiculous, Will Farell movie. Talledega Nights, I believe. After he loses everything his estranged father brings him back to glory. Whatever the case, I think you need to use whatever brings him back into boxing as part of the hook for your logline, imho.

If this is going to be used get a network executive to look at your story, don't be afraid of giving something away. Don't make them guess what the story is about. You've got a limited amount of time for their attention. Blast away. What is at stake if he fails? It needs to be epic. IMO I think this has the makings of a great story. Good luck.

'After killing an opponent, a tormented boxer fights depression and alcoholism to get back in the ring for a title match and potential redemption with his estranged father.' I really like this one, Peter Corey what say you?

Unfortunately, I didn't mean "real" paralysis. I meant it metaphorically he could not bring himself to box because of the guilt he was feeling. Ray Boom Boom Mancini is not a character in my story, he's a real fighter that I actually saw fight when I was 10 yrs old. I remembered the exact fight with Duk Koo Kim and the death a few days later. Boom Boom never was the same quality boxer or the same guy, he always carried a dark cloud over him of feeling guilty according to everyone who knew him. My story is not based on Ray, it is fictitious story based on the human response to having killed a man in the ring. Something that often mars a man from that point forward. It's not as if it was a death resulting from a car accident, it's a death resulting from two men beating each other with intent on stopping the other, not killing him. So death is particularly difficult to accept because you've done it with your own hands physically. But I need a logline not a synopsis for what this story is about, I already have a treatment and there is only so much that can go into a logline.

Happy Friday, guys! Way to work that logline. That's what's up!

I agree 100% there is no conflict in a man who feels guilty or depressed about killing someone. That's not a story, and not the story I'm writing. MY story begins with these given circumstances: He is a boxer who has just killed someone in the ring. From this starting point, we understand (because common sense tells us) that any person who is a boxer must like to fight. And if not, they won't be a boxer for very long and will not have a career. No matter how good they are, there is just too much training, work and dedication if your heart isn't into it. So that's not my story. My guy loves being a fighter, he doesn't do it because he is forced to or because his life depends on it. It is something he loves, the training, the dieting, the actual fight itself, all with religious discipline somewhat akin to the dedication of one who is a monk. But the fact that he has just killed someone in the ring causes him an emotional breakdown whereas he no longer has the heart to fight or what they call the fighting spirit. He doesn't stop fightingbecause he gets in trouble with the law, or because his license has been revoked, but because he suffers a strong negative psychological response to the killing. To make matters worse, in this situation, the fight in which he killed the man was the very match to decide which fighter will get to fight the heavyweight champion for the title. But even that is NOT the whole story. MY story is about a boxer who can no longer fight because of a kind of boxer PTSD, and yet, he still has this crazy dream ever since he was a kid to become a world champion. But that cannot be done without fighting? So, he must! To make matters worse, he can't just sit on his ass or go to school because his money is running out and he has no other skills. So the quickest way for him to make a significant amount of money to solve his financial woes is to box for the world title and a large paycheck. Of course there are other factors also that he uses in his decision to try to box again, but I'm not going to give away my whole story. By the way, this story started out with my main character being a comedian, not a boxer. It was called 'Closing Line'. It was a supernatural story where the beginning premise is about a comedian, (whose job is to make people laugh) and by the end he discovers that he is an angel of death (how unfunny is that?). But after a friend of mine heard the concept, knowing I was writing a vehicle for myself, said to me why not create a character with a type closer to myself, like a boxer. So I changed the traits of the character and began writing the story. This story was in no way derived from the Ray Boom Boom Mancini story. But after I had written my own story beats, I went back and researched boxers who had killed in the ring. Ray came up and I can remember that watching that fight. Now, Ray and my character both go through depression, but Ray was already a champion. The details of my story follow a boxer who forces himself to deal with the, his battle with his own mental obstacles which he has erected in the way of him getting his goal as a result of the death.

I guess I would rework it just a bit. Killing his opponent makes it sound like he did it on purpose and if so, then why does he feel guilty. The estranged father part feels a bit out of place and may be good for a B story but may not need to be mentioned in the logline. Keep it short and to the point. How about: After his opponent dies in the ring, a guilt-ridden heavyweight boxer battles paralyzing depression as he prepares for the biggest fight of his life.

A boxer battles depression and guilt after his opponent dies in the ring, in hopes to prepare for a title fight. A boxer on the verge of a title fight battles depression and guilt after an opponent dies in the ring. A boxer suffers depression and guilt after an opponent dies in the ring but he must fight for a heavyweight title. Depression and guilt ruin a boxer after his opponent dies in the ring yet he still must fight for the title.

Depression and guilt plague a boxer after his opponent dies in the ring yet he still must fight for the title.

Sounds like an interesting story!

When you repitch "the story I'm writing" do it as a logline again, not several paragraphs. Give us the essence of the story.