Your Stage : Feedback for Tapestry Logline by Dan Guardino

Hey Dan. I think you need a little more towards the end. So maybe something along these lines:

After a 48-year-old computer consultant, obsessed with changing the past, participates in a time-travel project, she discovers that the wealthy man funding the project has his own agenda, and now she must ____________ in order to save the project and herself.

You need to fill in that blank. It's still a little clunky but I think this gives the reader a better idea of the entire story, what's at stake and what the protagonist needs to accomplish. It still needs work but I hope this helps a little!

Matthew. Good suggestion.

Hi Dan, just wondering is 48years old important to the story? How about just a troubled woman, obsessed with changing the past, gets involved in a time-travel project led by a millionaire that could be the answer to her prayers, until she finds out it could wipe out the entire planet, herself included. Or something like that...great story thought!

Hi Dan. Yeah, I too would suggest removing the exact age and, personally, I find "obsessed with changing the past" either too vague or distracting. Obsessed? Why does she wish to change the past? What happened to her? Is she crazy? Or is she hurt from a past loss or wrong? Is that more of a B story thing? Or the underlining theme, perhaps? We cannot escape our past. Does that element need to be at the logline? Maybe wishing to change the past could help form a cautionary-tale-like tag line instead?

Anyhoo, I'd suggest simplifying the logline just a wee bit more from what you already have.

Without any context... below is maybe a possibility? Hope it helps some!

Tapestry

A computer consultant participates in a time-travel project hoping to right the past, but discovers the billionaire funding the quest has his own dark agenda, one that could destroy any future.

Matthew, Martina, Beth thanks for the feedback. It was very helpful.