Screenwriting : Opening characters question by Jill Godley

Have you gotten responses from others? Perhaps it's how you introduce them all in that scene. Carefully introducing them one at a time or jumping back and forth. Either way, good luck.

Bill Albert not yet, I just did a big rewrite and sent for some peer review. The script is actually posted in my logline section. I'll wait and see what other critiques once I get them in and see if there are any adjustments I can do. - coming down from my UGHH moment, lol.

I agree, Jill Godley. It could be how you introduce the characters in the scene. If they don't have memorable introductions, the reader might get confused by who is who.

Agreed. Sometimes it's hard to tell what to do from a single response. Sometimes you just have to accept that some people just don't get it.

It was a one page read so I will take it as an idea of something that might need tweeking. There is always room for improvement.

This is going to sound dumb. Draw it. So you can see visually when you need to introduce them.

Craig D Griffiths doesn’t sound dumb at all. I actually will use that probably at some point. This particular scene is tough because she gets tossed in a room with a bunch of strangers and she takes them in one by one. So it’s kind of a view of the people in the room. It’s a cargo container so not much else to see.

One way is to just say "a room of strangers" and only introduce each briefly before he/she speaks the first time. I am guessing you have the intros up front, so this would spread them out some and lighten the load. If you stick to age, gender and one characteristic, it shouldn't be too onerous. Then you can always add a bit of extra description in subsequent scenes.

"12 angry men", "Elevator", other scripts alike...just see how was it done and copy...this job is simple see-do until you master it...

Kiril Maksimoski thank you for the references, I'll check them out. Christiane Lange is it okay, to not introduce characters when they first appear on the screen? I thought that was one of those relatively firm rules.

Jill Godley If you say something to the effect of,

There are six complete strangers in the room. One of them, Electra, a 40-ish woman, turns to Main Character.

ELECTRA

Who are you?

and then repeat the exercise as needed, I think it makes more sense. Rules are good, but not if they interfere with smooth reading and comprehension.

Christiane Lange thank you for the tips!

Read stacks of your favorite scripts again and again and mimic/steal what you like but make the pages to your "voice."

While there are some conventions and rules, the most important thing is readability. The reader will be taking in a lot of information in the first few pages, and if they're hit with a lot all in one go, chances are they'll forget bits of it and then get confused later. Spacing out the introductions, and making the characters memorable, help to make that information stick in their mind.

I've received quite a lot of coverage myself, and its a bit hit and miss - so I feel your pain!

Dan and Craig thank you for the tips!

Unless the small space is a single room, you could begin with a conversation and introduce characters as the main character encounters them.

It's a single room, small space, eyes adjust to the dark and take in the people she has been thrown in with. Then I go around the space one by one and do a short intro. I'll look at it again. Everyone's thoughts have fired my imagination.

i'd show, not tell, or introduce, everyone in the room. some characters are more memorable by not saying anything at first. or having some sort of 'business' they're doing (eating, reading, etc)

I agree, I didn't mean a talking intro, I meant I described the people around the room and what they were doing, no dialogue. Sorry, I guess I should have been more clear. Thank you for the feedback.

You can look at Reservoir Dogs, first scene at diner and the whole crew is introduced. Study how QT did it on the page for readers to easily follow along.