I just saw a job posting that has fundamentally changed my understanding of the word "opportunity."
An executive is hiring a "life motivator" for the generous sum of $100. But wait, there's more! To even be considered for this financial windfall, you must submit:
1. A professional photograph
2. A compelling essay explaining why you'd be perfect for the role
Let me get this straight. Someone needs help getting motivated to live their best life, but they're offering roughly the cost of a decent dinner for two?
The math here is fascinating. A professional headshot alone costs more than the entire job pays. So you're expected to start this position already in the red, which is perhaps the most demotivating thing I've ever heard. It's like hiring a financial advisor and paying them in Monopoly money.
And the essay requirement! "Please explain in 500 words why you're passionate about motivating me for less than minimum wage." What am I supposed to write? "Dear Executive, I've always dreamed of inspiring greatness in others while simultaneously questioning all my life choices. Your posting spoke to me because I, too, enjoy elaborate application processes that yield returns comparable to finding a $20 bill in an old coat pocket, except the coat cost $80 and I had to write a dissertation about why I deserved to check its pockets."
The job title "life motivator" is doing some heavy lifting here. Are we talking life coach? Hype person? Someone who follows them around saying "You got this!" until the $100 runs out, which based on typical coach hourly rates is approximately 47 minutes?
I can only imagine the motivational speeches: "You can achieve anything you set your mind to! Except fair compensation. That's not happening."
Here's what really gets me: the executive clearly understands the concept of asking people to prove their worth (photo! essay! credentials!), but somehow missed the day in business school where they explained that compensation should reflect the value of work performed.
This posting is essentially asking: "Who wants to teach me about motivation while I demonstrate that I have absolutely none when it comes to paying people appropriately?"
The irony is spectacular. It's like posting "Wanted: Ethics Professor, must be willing to help me cheat on exams" or "Seeking: Financial planner who accepts payment in encouraging words and exposure."
I genuinely wonder what this executive thinks will happen. Are they expecting a flood of applicants who are so motivated by the concept of motivation that money becomes irrelevant? "Finally, a job where my passion for helping others achieve their dreams perfectly aligns with my passion for being broke!"
Maybe the real test is whether applicants are motivated enough to write the essay and submit the photo knowing full well they're worth approximately 100 times that amount. If you do it anyway, congratulations - you're motivated! Also possibly in need of your own life coach to help you develop better boundaries.
The silver lining? At least this executive is honest about their lowball offer upfront. Think of all the time saved not going through multiple interview rounds only to discover the "competitive salary" is competitive with what people earned in 1847.
To anyone considering applying: I believe in you. You can do better. That's my motivational speech, and it's free - which still makes it a better deal than this job.
